I know who I was when I got up this morning...

[maddeninghatter]

Who: Gilbert Nightray, Xerxes Break, Phancyhive denizens
When: Saturday, August 4
Where: Phantomhive-Trancy Estate
Summary: Bodyswap shenanigans
Warnings: None

BANG! BANG! BANG!

[ Having paid attention to the network and the news over the past few weeks, as well as directly witnessing Ahiru's experiences, Xerxes Break wasn't completely surprised to awaken this morning in a different body. ]

BANG! BANGBANG!

[ Tch! Gilbert's hands are so enormous. Break adored them, at first; but how does one actually accomplish anything with such fat fingers? Getting bullets properly loaded into their chambers is an unexpected challenge. ]

BANG! BANG!

[ Gilbert's height feels awkward; he's clumsy and slow. Yet Break can feel a sense of vigor that he hasn't experienced in years. He'd forgotten what it felt like. Youth. Health. Even taking a deep breath is a pleasure (despite Gilbert's idiotic habit of poisoning himself with cigarettes).

Oh. And… binocular vision. Yes, that.

Which is why Break is outside the Phantomhive-Trancy estate, at 7 o' clock in the morning, shooting his name (Gilbert's name, actually!) into the side of a garden retaining wall. Because he can. ]

Comments

[maddeninghatter]

[ The thing about guns, Break is realizing, is that they make you feel irrationally powerful. You can have the tiniest glimmer of a thought, and make it reality. Right now, Break is aiming his gun at Gilbert - and himself. His frail body, Gilbert's pathetic yelping. His own shameful failure. Trapped here, he'll never be able to fulfill his purpose. He'll fade away and die. He knows this will happen; he's actually heard it on his NV, thanks to Yosuke's information. Better to end everything in one quick shot. He'll end Gilbert's seemingly endless suffering, too. ]

Stay where you are. Don't move.

[ He puts the safety on his weapon and dashes into the house. He leaps up the stairs, two at a time. Because he can. ]

[retraced]

[Don't move. Yes. That sounds like a good plan. Slowly, he lowers himself down to the floor, shoulder pressed against the wall as one hand still clings to the windowsill. It's shaking, he realizes, but he can't bring himself to let go either. He feels like he'll fall into some strange, frightening darkness if he does.

...And he has the strangest urge to crawl under a blanket and pout right now, and has no idea why.]

[maddeninghatter]

[ Break bursts into his own bedroom-- ]

Gilbert Nightray!

[ --and the urge to shoot him in the face is unbelievably strong! ]

Get up! Stop sniveling. You're the one getting the better end of this deal, honestly!

[retraced]

[SHUT UP THIS SUCKS.]

M-me?! What are you talking about?! I can't see...!

[Which is proven by the fact that anything that used to be on any flat surface of Break's room is now pretty much on the floor next to where he's curled up. You're welcome, Break.]

[maddeninghatter]

[ ...right. THAT cat's out of the bag. Openly, for the first time. ]

S-so what?

[ He's twitching - at Gilbert's whining, at the mess on his floor, at his own awful weakness. ]

SO WHAT?

[ He grabs his own body under the armpits, hauling Gilbert upright. He's shocked at how easy it is. ]

You're used to five senses, now you've got four. ADAPT!

[retraced]

[Break hasn't picked him up since he was fourteen years old, and now in this strange set of circumstances, it feels like he does it just as flawlessly as he did back then. It's amazing how light Break's body feels, like it isn't even there. The weight of pain is quickly offset by the weightless darkness, the shifting shadows.

But his legs still feel as weak as a fawn's, so he has to let himself lean against his superior as he fights to get his wits back.]

Th-that's easy for you to say! You're used to it!

[He interrupts himself to groan.]

Has your voice always sounded like this?! It's more high-pitched in my head...er - your head...!

[maddeninghatter]

[ Break resists the urge to hurl Gilbert across the room. He will, after all, be the one to suffer the consequences, in the end. Instead, he lets Gilbert lean on him, even - reluctantly - patting his shoulder.

Break knows full well that he himself tends to collapse upon people, after using his chain. He'd collapsed against Reim, that day at Lord Barma's-- ]

I got used to it in a hurry!

[ It's a memory that is, now, unbearably painful. Reim had held him up, found a cloak for him, chastised him, fussed over him - and didn't judge him...

And Break had let him walk into the lion's den, alone and unarmed.

Of course, the best way to deal with grief is to focus on small irritants. ]

There's nothing wrong with my voice, it's YOU who sounds that way!

[retraced]

[...Okay, he's sure that he must just have a bug on his shoulder or something if Break is patting him like that. He must. Because there's no way that he's earned anything worth coddling. Still, the touch forces him to stand up fully, though he's still hunched over just slightly, as though he doesn't quite trust his balance.]

This is your voice!

[He pushes his stupid girly fingers through his straight (wow, straight) hair and tugs on it, angling the strands over the empty eye socket to keep it covered.]

How long will we have to stay like this?!

[maddeninghatter]

Stand up straight! Don't slouch!

[ He punctuates the remark with a finger, jabbed against Gilbert's chest. ]

If you're lucky - indefinitely! Because once you stop whining, you'll realize how much better off you are, like this. Faster, stronger, more agile! Not relying solely on treacherous visual information--

[ He breaks off. The sight of himself tottering about in his nightshirt, like an invalid, is suddenly irritating! ]

And get dressed! You can't go about like that all day.

[ With that, he sets about unbuttoning the nightshirt he'd put on the night before! ]

[retraced]

Eep!

[He stands up, arms out slightly at his sides as he tries to remind himself of just how parallel he really is to the ground. Geez, when did Break start sounding...well, just like him. No, it's just because he's listening to his own voice. That has to be it.

He can't even argue with the man, he's too shocked by all the sudden commands and yelling and--

and

AND WHY IS BREAK UNDRESSING HIM--]

W-w-w-what do you think you're doing?! Stop that! [Okay, that he's not going to deal with. He reaches up to grab for his superior's wrist to stop him, because it might not even be his body, but it's still a little being undressed by Break! Or...himself. Gah, this is the stupidest day ever!]

[maddeninghatter]

[ Congratulations, Gilbert. For perhaps the second time in your life, you've managed to lay a hand on your superior. Break, himself, gawks disbelieving. He's slow; and Gilbert is fast!

...aaaaaaand disbelief is soon followed by annoyance. Are his hands really that tiny and girly compared to Gilbert's? ]

So what are you going to do? Spend all day curled up under a blanket?

[ Which... is... actually how Break spent his first day after realizing he'd gone blind, but Mister Double Standard is going to be conveniently ignoring that little detail... ]

[retraced]

[And it's clear from the expression on his face that he's shocked he was able to do it. Even though it's difficult to breathe, Break's body does move quickly, and...gracefully. Ugh. That's such an annoying thought!

He lets go with an annoyed huff and crosses his arms over his (scrawny) chest.]

Of course not! I can dress myself! And I'll need to see to Oz soon and--

[OH SON OF A BITCH WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT OZ. Those hands move back up to cover his face so that he can groan in unrestrained frustration.]

Oz...how am I supposed to explain this to him...

[maddeninghatter]

[ Break jerks his wrist away, scowling. It's amazing how easily that expression settles into Gilbert's facial muscles. ]

You won't have to explain. Oz will figure it out straight away. Creepy kid.

I'm more concerned about Ahiru. Given her recent... experiences, she might find this upsetting. I can't cope with children when they cry, I'm sure you feel the same.

[retraced]

When they cry?

[He drops his hands again, turns to try and stare at Break with his now-useless eye. There's barely even a shadow at this angle away from the window; he's only searching fuzzy outlines of dark grey on black. He's still troubled by the fact that he won't be able to tend to Oz for the foreseeable future, and also by Ahiru's reaction given her firsthand experience, but more than that he's surprised to hear Break admit something so candidly.]

N-no, I can cope well enough, I think...

[maddeninghatter]

[ Break has been, unconsciously, slotting Ahiru into Sharon Rainsworth's place; even though Ahiru is very much a round peg for that square hole in his heart. ]

I want to keep this from people; I don't want it generally known. Oz will find out, as I've said. But he can keep a secret. As for the rest...

[retraced]

How are people not supposed to find out?! I'm supposed to work tomorrow! I can't bake if I can't see the ingredients well!

[He coughs again, but it's weaker this time. It's difficult to bring his tone lower to one that Break's vocal cords can handle.]

[maddeninghatter]

[ ...






GLEE! ]

I'd be ~delighted~ to go in your place! ☆

[ Which is Break's cue to cough. His new voice is unsuited to lilting trills! ]

[retraced]

[Stop messing with his voice! He's spent years perfecting that stoic annoyance!]

N-no way! There's no way that I'd let you into my kitchen! Do you even know the first thing about baking?!

[maddeninghatter]

I know the first thing about eating, that's close enough. Besides, how hard can it be--

[ Time for a forehead poke. Cheer up, Gilbert! ]

--if yoooooooou can do it!

[ Okay, that came out a little squeakier than intended, and his voice broke during the long vowel, but he's beginning to get the hang of it! ]

[retraced]

[Gah! He winces and jumps at the poke, and rubs at his forehead angrily. He's not a child Break, he's actually like twice your age now, technically. And it sucks.]

Not as easy as it looks... [He grumbles, before something else occurs to him. Something far more important.]

Raven is... [He reaches up to touch his chest. Not only is he missing the feeling of his Chain there, replaced by a darker, more terrifying one, there's also a fresh wound in his body's chest that Break will end up seeing. Damn it!]

You don't know how to handle him - if you end up having to summon him for some reason you could hurt yourself. Er - me!

[maddeninghatter]

I've no intention of summoning your fine feathered friend.

[ A nice, looooooooooooooong pause.



Wait for it.




Wait. ]

Oh, and by the way...

[ Are you squirming yet, Gilbert? ]

...speaking of hurting yourself...

[ He's just going to let that query hang in the air. ]

[retraced]

[The look of frightened, guilty, defeated despair that Break's face takes then is one so tragic looking that he definitely won't recognize it in his own bizarre mirrored reflection. He can't even bring himself to ask 'what?' Yes, yes he's definitely squirming.]

[maddeninghatter]

[ Although Gilbert's degree of pathos is in a class by itself, Break is absolutely familiar with fright, guilt, defeat, and despair. He's been experiencing them in turns (and sometimes all together) before, during and since his arrival at Siren's Port. However, actually seeing these emotions contorting his own face... ]

Explain!

[ It's illustrating his self-loathing in stark detail. His hand itches, once again, for the gun. ]

[retraced]

[He flinches again, like he's been burned, and replies with a very honest:]

I-I can't!

[maddeninghatter]

[ Something is going on with Gilbert, something very serious. But he can't concentrate; it's all too much. All the little irritants - his slender, girlish fingers, his slight, slender figure - as well as his own maimed face, staring at him with so much horror. He knows this is serious; but with so much stimulation, he can't concentrate, can't think, can't see...

He steps back. He closes his eyes. Suddenly, the world leaps into sharp focus. ]

Gilbert.

This is a chest wound. It should have killed you. What happened? Start at the beginning. How did you get it?