Falling slowly, eyes that know me

[todomarishi]

Who: Aqua (rainprism), Terra (todomarishi)
When: Backdated to the afternoon of the 13th
Where: Winthers Lake
Summary: Aqua invites Terra to have sandwiches at the park. Why does that Nobody guy look like you sandwiches.
Warnings: None

Terra arrived at the lake at a little past three. He dismissed his Glider out from under him once he reached the campsite he and his friends had stayed at during their vacation the year before. He'd decided early on during his flight over that he would search for Aqua on foot. He knew the area fairly well and it was one of the nicest places to be on the island.

Following the shoreline, he walked at a steady pace, going just slow enough to admire his surroundings while he looked for his friend. He couldn't afford to take a truly leisurely stroll, though: it was possible she was already waiting for him. That and he was starving. He wasn't sure how he'd forgotten to pack a lunch that morning, but he'd been paying for his moment of absentmindedness for several hours now.

He had just started weighing the pros and cons of eating the questionable leftovers his coworkers kept in the fire station fridge when Aqua had called and asked if he wasn't too busy to have an early dinner with her.

Going to a restaurant or having sandwiches at the park had been his options. He'd agreed to the latter.

It seemed things were getting better between them. Since the day they had met on the beach, and she had taken him home, there had been no further conflict between them. No new arguments, no more outbursts.

Terra welcomed the change.

He found he was sort of looking forward to this dinner, too. How thoughtful it had been of her to invite him out. He'd have to remember to do something nice for her soon. After all, he was the one who owed her kindness, not the other way around.

Comments

[rainprism]

Watching that last bit of sandwich fall to the blanket, panic stirred beneath the surface level of calmness. Surely he wasn't going to leave. Was the subject matter really that terrible? Was the topic of Xemnas really and truly that awful?

This was her fault. She had done something wrong, missed some crucial step ... and now, as was the trend, she had scared him away. He was doing to run.

"He saw me first, I think."

The quietness of her voice startled her. She felt ... chaos, panic inside. She didn't sound as 'blank' as she would have liked -- impervious, solid, and unshakable. Who would be bothered if he ran away from her? Not Aqua. Not a Master. Masters didn't get upset over small setbacks like that. Like ... this.

She didn't sound that way at all. She just sounded ... a little sad.

"He was one of the first people who found me when I arrived in the Port. And ... when I was shopping for gifts for Valentine's Day, I caught him following me."

Roxas could have been mentioned. What she had said to him, what he had told her, what he hadn't told her ... but, somehow, that felt like a deflection.

Tensely, she squeezed the sandwich wrapping a bit more, but it wasn't getting any smaller.

"... I just wanted to ask if you knew who he was. Please ... don't be mad."

[todomarishi]

He moved off the blanket, back onto the grass, but his retreat didn't take him very far: he stopped a few steps away from her, looking out at the lake without much seeing the glistening water.

"Following you..."

That snippet of news fortified his dwindling rage, but he still couldn't bring himself to be annoyed with the matter at hand. He would have to remember to give Xemnas an ear full later, though... No matter who or what he was, he had no business following Aqua around.

"I know who he is."

Her reply to his question hadn't exactly been the direct answer he'd been seeking, but given everything she'd said, he figured it was safe to assume she had seen Xemnas' face. He stood motionless, ignoring both her last comment and the tightness in his chest.

"He's my Nobody."

More or less.

[rainprism]

That was it. That was her worst and most terrible fear realized. All outward semblances of self control fell away effortlessly while she still grappled with herself inwardly, gawking at him in open shock.

"But -- that isn't -- ...!"

That wasn't what Roxas said. She'd asked that precise question -- she was sure that she did -- about Xemnas being Terra's Nobody, and his answer had been ...
... It hadn't been 'no' outright, had it? Now, eyes still locked firmly upon him, a slow, uncertain frown crept across her features. What had been his exact words ... ?

Not exactly.

... So ... which answer was the right one? Yes, or not exactly? There was no contest at all about who she believed in the absolute sense.

She hadn't taken note of it, but she'd edged her way to the corner of the blanket, closest to where Terra had set up his defensive position. That was as far as she would allow herself to go, determined, perhaps out of some kind of pride or indignance, not to chase after him if he decided to leave the picnic site entirely. The blanket was her perimeter.

"Terra ..."

Aqua knew she'd pushed the envelope with the direct question ... but there was no stopping now. She reached out to him, though she knew she wouldn't be able to make contact without a bit of straining. The hand remained there, palm down, fingers outstretched, but falling short of touching anything at all of her own volition.

"Is that what happened last spring?"

As soon as she spoke the words, she felt ... shaken. But she kept going, managing to keep a great deal of strain from her voice, filtering it to something hushed and uncertain. His revelation was devastating, and she suddenly wondered what the good would be in pushing him harder, but ... there couldn't be any doubt. There couldn't be any more vagueness or dodging or assumptions.

"... You lost your heart?"

[todomarishi]

He remained still and quiet in the wake of Aqua's outburst, his focus never wavering from the surface of the lake. She was upset already. He could hear the emotion in her voice, the disbelief and dismay strung throughout her words. He supposed her reaction made sense. It was alarming for someone to have lost a part of themselves, wasn't it? Especially if that someone was a friend. Yet he couldn't find any similar feelings in his heart to respond with, for her sake or for his own; faced with her distress and now the gathering of so many memories, the emotions he had tangled with were fading away. It was too much. Only a faint impression of regret stayed with him as the moment wore on.

It was as though a great void was filling the spaces of his heart and though his body was on the embankment, he himself was standing far from her, across the lake on the opposite shore maybe, or in some other place entirely.

Was he really here or was this just a part of some unwanted dream?

No... It had to be real, he decided. The conversation he had avoided for so long was finally happening.

"Last spring?"

Echoing part of her first question, he tilted his head back to regard the sky. When his eyes drifted back down, he took to watching their muddled reflection in the lake water, vaguely confused but nonetheless comfortable with how detached he felt toward the subject they were about to discuss. How had it come to be that Aqua knew something happened, but she didn't seem to know what that something was?

... It didn't matter.

In the water, he could see she had a hand stretched out toward him, but he didn't turn to her or otherwise acknowledge the gesture.

You can't reach me. I'm farther away than you know. Sorry.

Pressing the palm of his own hand to his chest lightly, he heard himself answer, "Yes."

But he stopped short then, blinking, taken aback by that reply. He dropped his hand to his side.

"Or maybe it's no. While it's true that I lost my heart, I also lost my body last spring. Honestly, I think everything but my hatred was lost."

[rainprism]

Not for the first time since her arrival in the Port, she found herself staring at him in openly, as hurt as can be, the unspoken question lingering right at the tip of her tongue.

Where in the World was I?

The hand that had grasped nothing for all this time was put to use at last; Aqua drew it in to absently straighten the back of her blouse after getting to her feet ... before stepping closer and putting that hand on his shoulder. There was something urgent to say, something she should have been doing ...

Lost ... your body?

... But she couldn't speak. She couldn't fathom what she could possibly say in response to something so grave. Grave ... not imaginable, though. Since talking to Roxas -- maybe even a little bit before -- she had laid awake in bed many a night, trying to mentally prepare herself for the worst, hoping and wishing desperately for the best. But ... in the end, she supposed, nothing could have readied her to hear it from him.

And to hear it so absently.

As her heart sank, her head was lowered in synchronization.

Whatever had taken place, whatever the specific details might have been, one thing was extraordinarily obvious. Somewhere along the line, she had failed her friend. It probably hadn't even been a year since he'd been through the worst thing a person could possibly go through, and not only had she not protected him ... here she was, cornering him with promises of a nice lunch in the park.

Was sort of friend was she?

Unrest bubbling to the surface from the very pit of her chest, she shuffled closer deftly, numbly ... and with a movement saturated with uncertainty, she abandoned his shoulder to wrap both arms around him from behind. There was no drawing him closer -- she dare not attempt to move the unmovable. She let herself close the distance singularly, pushing her cheek against his back, not quite letting it rest.

Not that she was at all conscious of it yet, but she was right on the cusp of a great and terrible cry. For the moment, she shakily attempted to lock her hands together once they found their way around his torso. Any sign of rejection or resistance at all would repel her with the force of a mismatched magnet, but there was a certain sense of determination behind the action that caused her arms to tense ...

"I'm sorry."

When she finally said something -- something she hadn't put very much thought into saying at all, something that only felt like the right thing to say, her voice was hoarse. Why was he throat tightening like that, anyway? It ... didn't matter. It didn't really matter.

"I am so sorry ..."

[todomarishi]

He didn't budge when Aqua's hand found his shoulder, save to turn his head away slightly, but the touch did get his attention.

He'd only just begun to describe his experiences and already silence was trying to wedge its way back in between them. Part of the problem was one of the many reasons he'd put off filling her in on everything before: there was so much to say, he wasn't sure where he was supposed to start. He waited for her to reply, to prompt him in some manner. If there was something else she wanted to know specifically, that could possibly help him piece his story together and guarantee her curiosities about the past were satisfied.

No question or suggestion came, though. Instead, Terra found Aqua's arms suddenly wrapped around his middle. His body stiffened in her embrace. He stood very still, making no effort to struggle or pull away from his friend.

Thrown free of the sensation of being far outside his body, he was suddenly too aware of where he was and what was happening.

That was her face against his back, wasn't it?

And then he heard her voice -- or rather, felt it.

He stared down at her hands for what seemed like the longest time before he could muster up the nerve to slowly place one of his own hands over them.

Why was she apologizing? Why did she sound like that?

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about," he shook his head. Only a little more emotion edged into his tone, but he meant what he said with all his heart.

[rainprism]

Her breathing paused at the sensation of another hand covering hers -- whether it was from her own growing discomfort with what she was hearing and absorbing ... or the simple surprise from the contact initiated by the other. Or ...

There was a slight shake of her head at his response. He just didn't understand. How could he? She should have been more responsible with watching him in this city of madness and illusions -- regardless of what she could and could not remember. Aqua adjusted the angle of her head, letting her temple press against his back instead so she could take a deep, private breath.

No tears.

Be strong.

"It's not like that. It's just ..."

How could she have even begun to explain it? How she felt. About being left in the dark, about her complete and utter lack of recollection, about ... everything.

"... I should have been there for you. I don't understand why I ..."

None of it was sounding right. As she slowly closed her grip around her composure, her voice became more distant.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

[todomarishi]

It's not like that. But it was. It was exactly like that. Or so he thought.

Terra huffed out a quiet sigh. He'd set her straight.

"I made sure you weren't. You and Ven. I told you two I was going out to train that night. Neither of you knew."

He raised his head slightly but stayed put, letting her hold on as long as she needed to.

"Honestly, I thought I was going out to train... In the use of seals that bind power. The man that was going to train me convinced me to go along with a plan he had. He wanted to use a seal against one of the darkest hearts in the city, to try and keep it from hurting others."

He had to lift his hand off hers before he could continue.

"He did use that seal against a dark heart, but it wasn't the one I thought he was targeting. With his seal, he was able to take over my body."

[rainprism]

There was a very pointed implication in what Terra was explaining, but it was one

"Take over ... your body?" She hadn't meant to sound as incredulous as she did, but she'd only ever encountered that sort of sorcery once before ... with Vanitas. She couldn't fathom that the same thing could have ever happened to Terra ... and the rationalization began. Emotions were almost always easier to keep under control if calm, even-minded, rational thought steered the process along and she was still up in arms in a raging war against a complete meltdown. There would be tears. Maybe shouting. She couldn't allow things to degrade into another argument.

He wouldn't have put himself in that position. He couldn't have. Not the Terra she knew ... not her friend. He was far too strong to let something so terrible happen to himself. Something she would always believe -- not Terra, whose strength, potential and tenderheartedness was so obvious to her -- but never say.

"But ... how? Who here would do such a thing?"

It was almost ... angering. Why would he have willfully excluded Ventus and herself from something so crucial? Even if he was setting himself up to be tricked, wouldn't it make more sense to include ...

... No. No use trying to pick Terra's decisions apart. That would only make things worse. He had to've had reasons for doing what he did. Her arms tightened around him a little, spurred by a spontaneous rush of protectiveness.

[todomarishi]

"He's not here anymore," he was quick to inform her of that fact. She wouldn't have to worry about the thief during her stay in Siren's Port. After all, Terra was fairly confident that the man in question wouldn't be returning any time soon, if ever again.

"It doesn't matter how he did it, just that he did it. But he's gone now."

[rainprism]

"Terra..."

Steeling herself, she withdrew, arms slipping away from him to return to her sides. Standing up just as straight as she could, she tried to incorporate some sense of firmness into her voice when next she spoke ... but failed miserably.

"Please. Tell me who did this to you."

So that... she could make it right. If she just knew ... whether he was in the Port or not, she just had to know.

[todomarishi]

Released from her embrace, he shifted where he stood. He should have been glad to have his freedom to move back, but instead he found himself almost uncomfortable without her arms around him. He chased that feeling away with a hard blink of his eyes. Then, with one last look at the reflections dancing across the lake, he turned halfway toward her.

Unable to meet her gaze, he concentrated his attention on the fleece blanket instead.

"It was Xehanort."

No sooner than the name was off his tongue, he was walking away. Much like his first retreat, though, he didn't go far. Hesitation slowed his steps after he'd skirted their lunch spot and he stopped on the other side of the blanket. Again, he turned around, and this time he faced her fully.

[rainprism]

"Master Xehanort..."

She whispered the name, watching him walk away -- a combination of carefully maintained panic and hurt. She'd remembered the man's supreme betrayal at the Graveyard ... and what Terra said he had perpetrated only just before that. But to rend their bond apart so maliciously and so purposefully ... not only violate the sanctity of Ven's heart, but to break the boundary of Terra's own body ...

"... here, in the city?"

Her fists tightened as she reined in a great and terrible surge of anger.
Why?
Why were there so many outside forces that were so firmly set on ripping the three of them apart? She thought that the burden she shouldered in sealing the Land of Departure had been weighty, but the affliction that Terra kept ...

He turned to face her and she exhaled painfully, rushing forward to wrap her arms around him again -- different than the gesture before, a full-on embrace, arms draping around his shoulders and pulling him in gently. It was an expression of comfort, pure and simple, a hand resting at the base of his neck to stroke and soothe.

"I should have never let those things happen to you, Terra. I promise you..."

He's gone now. And good riddance.

"I will never let it happen again. Not to you ... or any of us. I'll keep us safe."

[todomarishi]

To his muted surprise, finding himself in her embrace again offered no relief to the discomfort he'd felt moments earlier when she'd released him from her first hug. Nonetheless, he lifted one arm to return the gesture now that he was able to, though the hand that pressed against her back was carefully kept in a loose fist. He hated the thought of anyone believing he needed protecting... but what could he say to fight her on that point? For all his training and all his strength, he'd gotten his body stolen twice by the same old man.

Keeping quiet, he forced a tired and defeated nod.

She would keep them safe. She was a Master, after all.