forget your troubles, come on get happy

[momchester]

Who: Mary, Sam, and Dean Winchester
When: very late Tuesday night
Where: the Tower Apartments
Summary: ding dong John is dead
Warnings: subject matter and this family

[Mary knows as soon as she sees the post that it's true. She just finished doing her morning check, and was just about to double-check - because of course John's name should still be on the Network, he's still here, he has to be - when Bigby posted. A simple announcement, callously public, that's left her heart pounding, slip-sliding through wine and stepping on shards of glass seemingly without noticing the pain, hitting the kitchen wall as her knees give out.

Every instinct she has is screaming to get it together, to find him and squeeze the truth out of him, to get up, make her legs work again, stop sliding down the wall and get off the floor and be an adult, but she can't move. It's not denial or paralysis- it's the opposite. The sudden, complete understanding of reality. He's dead, and she might see him again- but she might not, and she might not know him, and everything that's happened will be for nothing, and she'll have to start over. Now. But she might never see him again.

It hurts. Like a physical fucking thing that even Dean dying didn't cause, it hurts. More than her feet bleeding, more than her head from where she - did she bang it against the wall? no, maybe she just- oh, she rears back in frustrated fury once more, banging the back of her head against the wall like a child, and doesn't even remember having done it the first time.

It hurts.

She stays curled there on the floor, alone with the hollow feeling in her chest (like someone reached in and ripped out a lung), staring emptily into space for longer than she can reckon. Eventually something flutters into the kitchen, drawing her distracted attention- butterflies, a pair of metal butterflies that make her smile. She touches one lightly, recognizing it as part of the House, and sits there for a while, feeling at peace.

Eventually, spurred on by the metal butterflies periodically fluttering in her face and shining lights into her eyes, she crawls over to the junk drawer and pulls out a roll of fishing line, a needle, and a bottle of Everclear. Some hobo stitches later, she's bleeding from her knees and still in bad shape, but she can curl up against the counter feeling slightly less of a mess.

As soon as the butterflies are gone, evidently satisfying the House's need to mother hen, the loneliness settles in again. That's where Mary stays- leaning with her face against the wall, staring at a fleck of paint four inches from her eyes.]

Comments

[momchester]

Okay.

[She reaches out to touch his cheek lightly, the edges of a pained smile on her face. It's horrible to be like this, but easier for him being here.]

Can you go flip open that switch plate?

[It's wallpapered over with the same pattern on the rest of the walls, and flipping it open breaks one of the sigils- and thus, the angel-proofing. It's how she controls access.]

[mulletrock]

[Dean grips her hand for a moment before getting up to go flip the switch plate. When he's done he comes back and takes his seat next to her on the sofa and puts her feet back in his lap.

His thumb grazes over some of the sloppy stitching and he tries to hide the grimace on his face as he not so subtly checks them.]

[momchester]

[Mary grimaces in pain and shifts slightly to let him have a better look.]

Careful, careful-!

[She presses her forehead against her balled fist and prays quietly.]

Michael, wherever you are- I could really use your help. Please?

[servingfather]

[The last time he saw Mary was when him and Lucifer had harassed her into going shopping with them - of course then they'd been girls. She hadn't called on Michael in forever however. There's a brief moment when he debates arriving without John's face but decides against it. He doesn't ignore he call for help and with the flutter of wings he's there in her living room.

Taking in the scene of the Winchester mother and son sitting on the couch. Michael had seen the post concerning John's death and could only guess that the entire Winchester brood just how emotionally upset they were.]

If this is about John...I'm afraid I can't help you.

[mulletrock]

Michael?!

[Dean's tone and expression drastically change because he was expecting Cas. Hell, even Anna. He'd take Gabriel over Michael.

So when he shows up wearing his Dad Dean doesn't say a word. It takes a lot to make him angry enough not to speak but he knows if he does this whole thing'll just get worse.]

[momchester]

[Mary grabs Dean's hand and gives it a quick, reassuring squeeze. It's okay, Dean. He might be a grown-ass adult (older than her), but it's grounding for her, too. Seeing John's face right now is a knife twisting in her gut, and it shows.]

I know, Michael. It's not about that.

[A gesture to her cut and bleeding feet and legs, which she looks at because seeing her own wounds is easier than an eyeful of John.]

[servingfather]

[It's not Dean that has any affect on Michael, but Mary. He knows her - cares for her enough to change who he appears as. One minute a young version of John is standing there and the next he's been replaced by a petite dark-haired woman that Mary will be familiar with.

He - she - takes one look at the feet and there's an urge to sigh that Michael holds back.]

We really must stop meeting like this. I prefer our other outings.

[momchester]

I know, Michael. [An apologetic look.] I'm sorry. You don't know how much these favors mean to me.

[She tears up again and hurries to wipe it away, embarrassed- it's weirdly exposing to get emotional in front of an angel. Something about their stoicism and slowness to honest empathy is like throwing yourself raw and vulnerable onto sharp rocks.]

[mulletrock]

[Other outings? Didn't she know that back home Michael was jonesing for his body?

He keeps his jaw set tight and just listens, he can learn more this way. He's still rubbing a reassuring thumb over his Mom's ankle. His eyes never leaving Michael, even when he changes his appearance.]

[servingfather]

[Of course she knows, Dean. Can't hide much these days with everyone coming together in one place.

Michael makes no comment on Mary's tears but instead moves so she can reach out to touch the woman's forehead gently. In an instant the wounds are gone which might mean something to the Winchester matriarch considering never before has he put her back together good as new.]

Perhaps next time will be under better circumstances.

[mulletrock]

[Dean's not sure what to think. He's never met the guy personally, at least not back home, but he's pretty sure this isn't a part of his M.O.]

Why are you helping us?

[He has to ask, even though it's a good thing and a wave of relief washes over him now that his mom's not looking beaten and bruised.]

[momchester]

[It is something- it's something huge, something rare that has her putting her hand over Michael's before the angel can move away. The simple contact seems enormously important.]

Dean, he's my friend.

[What an odd thing to say. She looks a little surprised by us.

Honestly, now that she thinks about it, she looks a little confused too. Why is he her friend? Why does he care about them- about her, nothing more than a Winchester, a human, a toy to play with to bring about destiny?]

[servingfather]

[She stares at that hand on hers and Mary would be right about it being important. People don't give him gratitude touches often. They'd rather hit him. Finally her eyes lift to the Winchesters' faces - to the question that Dean asked, to the answer given by Mary.

It was out of character for him to help them in a way that didn't benefit him in the end. Even when he came to save them all from Anna he did it because of the Plan. But things had changed. The Plan had been thrown at the window in this place. Did he regret how he messed with the Winchesters lives? Maybe. Was he trying to make up for it? Possibly. But neither of those answers are given as she levels her gaze with Dean.]

I've grown fond of Mary.

[She does things with him that he's never done before - dancing, window shopping, mall hopping, walking their dog. It makes the experiences more enjoyable.]