If I could only see...

[amongthethorns]

Who: Eric Slingby & Alan Humphries
When: Backdated  to April 30th, early morning
Where: Their apartment
Summary: Alan's finally mustered his courage up to talk to Eric about his chat with Didi a couple weeks back.
Warnings: None at present but that may change; To be determined.

It's been bugging him for weeks now but until a couple days ago it was easy to push aside. But he couldn't do that anymore, that was the grand epiphany he'd had while making tea; that he'd need to get it out of the way and come to understand that whole mess. He'd found Did absolutely endearing and delightful so he couldn't possibly see why Eric held such disdain for her.

So after fixing Eric's coffee he takes up his tea and moves back to the bed room, a contemplative expression on his face as he holds the mug close to his chest. It's really a now of never kind of thing so he'll move out of the door frame. "Eric, come on get up. I want to talk to you about something and there's hot coffee waiting  on the table." 

Comments

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric hears the warmth in the scold, and loves every second of it.]

You could get in with me, you know.

[He winks.]

[amongthethorns]

[Alan laughs before tilting his head considering it.]

Back in bed with you? Why would I do that?

[He just can't help it now that that weight is lifted he's feeling playful.]

[ochitashinigami]

Oh, I don't know. I can't really think of anything.

[He teases, stretching like a lazy cat.]

[amongthethorns]

You're a horrid liar you know.

[Tea and coffee can wait the idea of crawling back into bed is too appealing. Being a bit lazy wouldn't hurt at all. And so he finds himself crawling back into the bed.]

[ochitashinigami]

Terrible. [He chuckles, pulling Alan close against his side.]

[amongthethorns]

The absolute worst.

[But he's laughing softly to himself, pressing against Eric's side; fingers tracing lazy patterns over his chest. He doubted he'd ever get used to this.]

[ochitashinigami]

I like hearing you laugh. I don't hear it enough at work.

[He's almost purring under Alan's hand. He rolls his head so his cheek rests against Alan's hair.]

[amongthethorns]

There's hardly any reason to laugh at work - though I will admit that Grell's antics amuse me far too much.

[He's glad that Eric is happy like this, that they can share this.]

And the office party is always interesting to say the least.

[ochitashinigami]

[He laughs.]

I liked the office parties, drinking for free and I could get close to you and blame it on the drink.

[amongthethorns]

[Notice he's rolling his eyes at that before giving him a little nudge.]

You didn't need to drink to get close to me. I'm pretty sure the entire dispatch knew how I felt about you - just not you.

[ochitashinigami]

How... YOU felt about ME? [He looks pleasantly surprised.]

[amongthethorns]

What world have you been on?

[Just staring at him a moment before laughing at his surprised expression.]

Did you think this was all just some sudden realization? Something I do because the lack of work to distract me? Something I do because I don't want to be alone?

[He gives a shy smile.]

I've always liked you, admired you. I didn't know how to say anything or what to say. I'm not charming or good with flirting; I'm not the most outgoing person. So I just tried to show you, in little ways because... it was all I could do.

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric's actually taken aback, giving a slight, awkward laugh.]

I-I knew you said you thought I was "cool" and I knew you saw me as your friend. But... I never thought... I didn't dare...

[amongthethorns]

Well I was too scared to say anything else. I mean really I couldn't just blurt something like that out of nowhere. Say you were cool was something safe.

[ochitashinigami]

And me... I guess... I guess I always thought there was someone better for you than me. That someone like you was just too much for someone like me to hope for.

[amongthethorns]

H-how-- how could you think that? You're wonderful and I'm not anyone all that special. I'm not better than you. I could never do what you do.

[ochitashinigami]

[He sighs.]

Alan, you're stronger than me in every way that actually matters. Do you want to know why I don't comfort the dying before they go?

It's because I can't.

[amongthethorns]

I comfort them because I know when I die I'd want someone there to hold my hand in the bitter end. I know how they feel. How scared they are, how alone they feel, how they regret all the things they never did and want so desperately to say in those last moments.

[He inhales softly hiding his face against Eric's neck.]

Their tears, their last minute confessions, the children with their questions - what else can I do but offer them one last chance to unburden themselves?

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric holds his tears. He gulps hard and squeezes Alan harder.]

Not alone...

[Is all he manages to get out.]

[amongthethorns]

[He inhales and clings to him, tight; fiercely so.]

I know. I know I'm not. I have you and all the others. I know I won't be alone at the end.

[ochitashinigami]

[Eric tells himself not to cry, that it would hurt Alan if he did. That's happened enough, and this is supposed to be a pleasant morning. He rubs over Alan's back and presses him tight.]

I promise...

[amongthethorns]

[The rub of that hand against his back is calming, when Eric's hold tightens he relaxes into it. A low, soft little sound of contentment slips past his lips with a soft little huff of breath. When he speaks again it's gentle, soft words whispered into the hollow of his throat.]

I didn't need you to promise, you've never left me alone before so I know you wouldn't start now.

[But while he didn't need his promise it was a heartwarming gesture for Eric to give it and he was grateful to ave that promise - especially since Eric wasn't one for breaking such things.]

[ochitashinigami]

And Alan... I wanted to tell you...

[He shifts a little, it's almost like he shy.]

I know I've been around the block a few times. I haven't always been... well...

But I want you to know.. what we've been doing here. It.... it wasn't nothing to me. All right?

[amongthethorns]

[He peers at him sitting up a bit. His fingers trailing along his cheek.]

None of before matters. I know you were doing things - that was no secret.

[It's a bold statement but it's also the truth. He doesn't care about before because Eric's here now with him and it's obvious even without his words that it's so much more than any late night drunken fling. He smiles and leans in pressing a light kiss to his lips.]

It's more than all right.

[ochitashinigami]

I just... I just didn't want you to think that... that... you were like the girls from HR or anything like that...