i love the winter weather, 'cause the two us can get together

[discretion]

Who: Franz (discretion) & Daedalus (gaveherwings)
When: 1/23, afternoon
Where: On SPU Campus (by a big hill!)
Summary: Sledding date of cute and adorable.
Warnings: Sap. Probably snogging. Will warn appropriately if it goes too sexy.

[Franz's bright red peacoat stands out against the snow. One must be fashionable even in the cold, and while Franz's high boots and woolen derby might make him look more suited for riding in a carriage, he's actually quite warm, especially with the scarf Kurt knitted him wrapped tightly around his neck. He seems almost luminescent amidst all that white, his cheeks bright in the cold. He's laughing, admiring the view from the top of the hill.]

Daedalus... it's beautiful up here! I think I can see our apartment!

Comments

[discretion]

Are you still all bent out of shape about Genesis? [Franz shakes his head and rolls his eyes. He doesn't quite understand what Daedalus is so worried about, or maybe he doesn't want to. Of course, once the man's name is brought up he can't help but think about the possibility, and it's not something he wants to dismiss immediately, especially since the end of this date right now is going to be a lot different than what he thinks up for him and his handsome friend.

(He tries not to whine or pressure Daedalus into sex even when he really, really wants to jump his bones. He can tell his doctor boyfriend is not feeling seductive. It's been a wonderful date and no reason for a fight.

But a fencing date with Genesis might end differently... even if it wasn't something he would've thought up on his own.)]

I told you we're just friends. Fencing is good stress relief.

[gaveherwings]

I'm not bent, I- [And here he flusters, sounds a little unsure, especially now that he knows just how remarkable, physically speaking, SOLDIERs have the capacity to be.]

I've just heard rumors from sound sources that he flirts. That's all. I trust you. I just-

...you're naturally so pleasant, people could get the wrong message.

[discretion]

[Franz stops, and he frowns a little.] If you have something you want to say, then just spit it out, Dae. But I want you to think about this moment, right now. We've just had a beautiful afternoon. I am so happy right now I would do nearly anything you asked me to, and I do mean anything.

But I'm thinking that's going to be tucking you into a nice warm bed.

I love you. I don't know which people you're worried about getting the wrong message, but they'd be wrong if that's the case. Genesis is just a dear friend.

[gaveherwings]

[It's lovely, and Daedalus is of some terribly fatalistic habit of spoiling the best of moments with that thin, creeping trickle of doubts... whenever it feels too perfect to be true, something blurts out and spoils it.]

I know that's...less than what you want. Even if you would do anything gladly.

And... I- [Because he hates feeling like he has a game plan for the evening that's less than his lover's ideal. He leans his forehead to his boyfriend's shoulder.] I'm sorry, I just don't want to disappoint you so much, Franz. And so I worry...stupid things. I know. There's nothing more to say than that. I love you too.

[discretion]

Why do you always imagine that you disappoint me so much?

[Franz rests a kiss to Daedalus's brow.]

How could you ever disappoint me when you do things that I'd never even imagine? Give me things I didn't know I needed?

[gaveherwings]

Because there's so much more you deserve, Franz d'Epinay, that you barely even recognize, [(because a day is not complete without Daedalus slipping into full names, which still seems to be his way of consciously acknowledging the whole of a person) He sighs, frosted breath ghosting the air between them as he leans into Franz's lips, shutting his eyes.] ...and only so much of me.

[discretion]

Deserve? You mean, more than a second chance at life? A chance to be with a man that loves me, and that I love back? This is already much more than I deserve. [Franz lingers close. Each breath is a cloud, a kiss that blooms against Daedalus's lips. He doesn't want to move, though he knows the cold and the sinking sun dictate that he must. Just... not exactly now. Not this moment. Not yet.]

[gaveherwings]

Would you believe there's so much more yet, that should be yours? That I would make yours, if I only could?

[Things like making a family, for instance, or being able to cook a meal that would please a frenchman of good tastes instead of ordering in lobster thermidor and watching his face drop when the bills had to be budgeted out of the money that supposed to go to savings, or indulging every damned wild sex or romance fantasy that Franz came up with after a shift of seeing more blood and terminal patients at the hospital than any lingering lustful energies had room for.

Or maybe those sculpted arms and abdomens and the ridiculous attention to fashion detail which he knew caught Franz's passing eye in magazines or on the street, which may or may not have motivated one class of yoga a week up to two. Maybe he ought to add fencing lessons to the aikido.

Maybe he ought to cut Re-l Mayer entirely out of- No. That was still where he drew the line of things he was unwilling to change about himself, although that came heavy with a torn guilt.

But the rest? Not...altogether impossible things. Still things that felt out of reach, right now.

Grasping his hands for a final squeeze, then reluctantly letting go of one, Daedalus continues to trudge toward home, hooking their arms closer by the elbows.] ...I want to make you happy, Franz.

[discretion]

I am happy, you idiot! I'm smiling, aren't I? [Though God knows that Franz can smile even when he's dying of blood loss, so maybe that's not the most convincing argument. He has no idea of the storm swirling in Daedalus's head, though, and so he remains happily hooked to his lover's arm, crunching along in the snow.]

Honestly, you're incorrigible sometimes... I don't need everything to be perfect, I'm not that spoiled.

[gaveherwings]

I've seen you literally smile yourself sick!

[He counters a bit too harshly at first, voice shrilling with overlapping accusation, maybe just to fully earn and own the title of Incorrigible.

And promptly softens immediately after, because the smile that Franz is wearing now is true, and not the swanning one he puts on for difficult clients at the club, coming home with terrible migraines.]

(Not now, of course, not today, but...) I've watched you smile pretend you're happy when you're not at other people before, and I just- I never want that to be directed at me.

[Another few methodical steps. He can't feel his toes.]

I never want to cause you pain.

In the end, I only really want what's best for you Franz...and if that's ever something other than me, I just want you to be honest with yourself.

[discretion]

[Franz can't do much else but nod sheepishly and agreeably, chastened at Daedalus's scolding. It had been a bad example, but even after a year he still gets a bit confused when someone confronts his feelings so directly. But his expression soon changes as those last few words fall from Daedalus's lips. He glares.]

Why are you gearing up for some future you're so certain is going to happen? Don't I get a say in what's best for me or who I'm with? Or does that interfere too much with your certainty?

I've made how I feel clear to you. I don't know what else to do.

[Franz withdraws his hand, muttering.] Sometimes I feel like you want me to tell you I'd rather be with someone else! Damn it, you'd know if I was lying!

[gaveherwings]

I just don't want you to feel obligated to settle before you're ready, just because it's- [He gives a little shrug, over-modest.] Habit. Or comfortable. Or you've never tried out anything better.

Not lying so much as...underrating yourself.

Just look at you. [He reaches up and takes the hat off Franz's head, sliding his hands along the brim while his gaze rakes over Franz's face in almost painful admiration.] You're a fine catch, Franz. You don't know how many people say that to me- all the time, most of them in the most damnably facetious way, because we lark around like two distinguished, fetching, prematurely adult gentlemen who have known one another for half a lifetime.

And that's frightening me, sometimes, because it's scarcely been a year now. I know that people experience new things, and it changes them. Less that two years ago, my life was so different. And I'm...unnerved, when I sit back and realize that I don't know where I'd be, without you.

[discretion]

If I'm so damned important, why are you trying to push me away? Haven't I done everything I can to make this work? Why would I bother if I wanted to do anything but be with you? [Franz huffs, fussing with his hair in spite of wearing gloves. It's probably flattened and miserable from the hat.]

Why are you so convinced you know what I want, or am going to want? It's not like you have more life experience in this area than I do.

I'm sorry - I'm sorry if my libido is troublesome to you. Am I looking around too much or something? I swear I'll wear blinders if we go out of that's that case. You are who I want to be with. The fact we get along so well, isn't that proof of it? We found each other in this entire city.

[Franz is overtaken by a sudden chill, and hugs himself tightly.] We need to get you home.

[gaveherwings]

[With how defensively Franz responds, Daedalus feels an immediate well of guilt open up for even putting his doubts out on the table- why didn't he just keep them close to his chest?

Because he liked seeing Franz this way, upset? It wasn't worth the relief of certainty that Franz was his and only his. ]

This is exactly why I shouldn't say any of these things to you.

I'm not trying to be horrible. Look, just.... just forget we had this conversation, okay? I missed you too much, and I probably spent way too long over-thinking things, letting pessimistic worst case scenarios get the best of my head.

I planned all of this to prove to myself I'm really just an idiot, thinking things like that, and maybe I am. I have the best lover anyone could ask for and here I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I'm never this lucky without some godawful truth waiting in the wings.

[discretion]

If you spend all your time questioning whether or not this could possibly be true, sooner or later, maybe I won't believe it can be true either. I can't always have enough hope for the both of us.

[Franz just shakes his head huffs a sigh and shoves his hands in his pockets. His pinkish hue has taken on a distinctly angry and annoyed tint. He's gritting his teeth, now, and it's not because of the cold. They can't have another fight in a public place, especially in the evening when they need to head home. He picks up the pace a little, stamping his boots to warm up his toes.]

[gaveherwings]

You're right.

[He resigns, hanging his head until the underside of his nose tucks up against his scarf.] I'm sorry. I love you, tremendously...but maybe I'm just not hoping enough. That isn't fair.

[discretion]

I know you do. You're just terrible at it.

...We both are.

[Franz pauses enough to let Daedalus catch up to him, and he does a parody of an over-elegant gentleman's bow.] My hat, please?

[gaveherwings]

[It still stings just a little to hear it, even as Franz admits to being a terrible lover himself.]

I'm certified genius, you know. [He says in a small voice, dusting off the hat and placing it with care atop Franz's head. There's a mild smile, and he kisses both cold-pink cheeks.] A prodigy. I'm not used to being told that I'm terrible at anything.

[discretion]

I can't lie to you. [Franz tips his hat a little, fingers on the brim, grinning. He then offers his arm to Daedalus, keeping him close for the rest of the walk home.]