My old man is a tough man but he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam.

[hostage]

Who: Jesse, Walt, & Lisbeth
When: Afternoon of Thursday, May 31
Where: Jesse's bedroom
Summary: Walt saves Jesse for the millionth time with the help of Jesse's (new) junkie girlfriend.
Warnings: Language and mentions of drug use and gross medical descriptions maybe.


[He's dying. He's dying like all the people they keep talking about on the news. And he knows what else they say: that he's dying because he's guilty, that he deserves to die, and he's thinking he agrees with them - because half the time his eyes close, he sees his bullet going through Gale's face, and the other half of the time, he's rolling over to find Jane's cold, dead body next to him.

Fever dreams, that's all they are, but they make it so much worse. He can't even lift his head off his pillow anymore. The last time he puked, it was all over the bed and somebody else had to take care of it because he couldn't even move his face out of it. But he's stopped eating now. It's probably been close to two days since he put food in his mouth. What's the point? It wasn't going to stay down anyway.

He's waiting to die. He wishes someone would put him out of his misery already.]

Comments

[hejhej]

[She keeps her gaze on him a little while longer until the conversation between he and Walt continues. Lisbeth, without another word, grabs the piece of her shirt she'd torn to make the tourniquet, and gets up from the bed.

She was going to smoke a cigarette out on the fire escape.]

[knocker]

I "want you to die"?

Where do you keep getting these ideas? First you refuse life-saving medicine. Then, when I force you to take it, you choke me, then say I'm wishing you would die? Have you completely lost your mind?!

[He half-notices Lisbeth leaving, but he keeps his attention on Jesse.]

[hostage]

[Jesse's glad when Lisbeth leaves, and not just because he's pissed at her. His voice lowers from growling to a harsh whisper:]

Do you just totally not remember telling me to die in Mexico? Or is your plan to go on pretending things are peachy 'til I play along with it?

[knocker]

[He lowers his voice too and his is frustrated.]

You are so hung up on Mexico dammit, that was over a week ago! We're done with Gus now! Nothing else matters except we're both safe!

[hostage]

The hell are you talking about? We're done with Gus? We're safe? You know he sold me to them, to -

[He stops, glances toward the door, and whispers even quieter:]

- to the cartel. That's what I know. I was in that shithole Mexican lab, and they were telling me I was gonna stay there. Like - like a slave, okay. Like a prisoner. I didn't have any say in it and you were all nice and comfortable a thousand miles away. You didn't even lose your job, right? Don't tell me we're done with Gus, 'cause I know what happened, alright? He was never training me up to get rid of you. He just sold me off to the cartel to end his goddamn gang war, and everybody was happy. Who cares about the junkie you all left to rot in Mexico? Right?

[knocker]

[Walt stared at Jesse.]

And I suppose you forgot everything that happened after that?

[Why was Jesse so hung up about that? He had won! Didn't Jesse see that none of that mattered anymore?]

[hostage]

Nothing happened after that. That's The End with a capital T.

[knocker]

[More staring from Walt.]

Did you hit your head?

Gus is dead.

The lab is gone.

It's over, Jesse.

[hostage]

What?

[That's whispered, incredulous, and he's so sure Walt's fucking with him. There's no way Gus could be dead. Why would Gus be dead? He'd just made that deal with the cartel. He'd traded Jesse and the formula and they'd made peace. He was going to go back to Albuquerque after Mexico, back to running the town like a kingpin does, and Heisenberg would be all comfortable and secure in his lab again. Walt would probably be happy when he found out Jesse was gone for good, out of his way. That was the way the story played out in Jesse's head. He's thought about it endlessly, killing any hope that he might have ever escaped the cartel if not for the Pull.

But he knows... They say that the Core brings people in from different times. He knows Walt could be from the future. It's just the enormity of the prospect - he doesn't want to hope for this future. What if Walt's wrong? What if Walt's lying? Walt betrayed him, sent him to die in the desert without a single word of guidance, and Jesse's been living with that reality for months.

So when he asks the next question, his voice is very small:]



How'd I get away?

[knocker]

[His voice is calmer and less frustrated now. He really had no idea huh? He had heard around about the multiverse theory and that, of course, entailed multiple timelines. Perhaps Jesse...

That had to be it.]

I don't know. You didn't say anything. You were gone from the lab for a couple of days and Tyrus made a poor source of information. Then, you were just...in the lab one day. As though nothing happened.

[hostage]

[He's getting colder. Hollowed out.]

What about Gus? What about Mike? Where were they?

[knocker]

I don't know where Mike is or was. He disappeared when you did and I haven't seen him since. Gus came back from Mexico, I assume with you.

[He's studying Jesse's body language carefully, trying to get a feel for his reaction to what he was saying.]

[hostage]

[There isn't much to be read in Jesse's expression. He's distant, trying to make sense of everything, but there's not enough to put anything together. Not really.

He came back from Mexico without saying a word about what happened. He was back in the lab. Gus allowed him back in the lab. But Mike was gone. Disappeared. And then - a week later, Walt said? - Gus, dead. The lab, gone.

We're both safe.

Jesse swallows. His throat is so dry.]



Then... I did it? I killed Gus?

[knocker]

[There was a part of him that viciously wanted to say that no, this was all his doing and he had no part in it. That part wanted all the credit for the cunning under such pressure.

No, that wouldn't get him anywhere. He remembered how Jesse had felt after Gale. Better to be gentle. Better to get on his good side. He softened the look on his face and spoke quietly, with no trace of the earlier frustrations and anger in it.]

No...no. I did it. You knew about the plan and helped me come up with parts of it, but I ended up carrying it out.

[hostage]

[Jesse sinks back against the wall and shuts his eyes, a weight he hadn't known he was carrying suddenly lifted off his shoulders. And, at the same time, a sadness.

He says he sees something in me. Like what?

If I had to put it in a word, I'd guess loyalty.

Only... Only maybe...]


Why?


[Jesse's eyes open again, fixing on Walt, narrowing in suspicion.]

Why would I help you? Huh? 'cause, like you just said, he didn't leave me in Mexico. He had me back in the lab. How's it go from "like nothing happened" to Gus and the lab both gone?

[knocker]

[Walt closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. He couldn't mess this up.]

Brock.

[He paused to get his thoughts together, to remember accurately. He opened his eyes to look Jesse in the eye.]

Gus poisoned Brock.

[hostage]

[Jesse exhales sharply. It feels like someone's reached into his chest and wrenched out his heart. His gaze drops, then moves across the room to settle on his jacket, discarded on the floor. If it's poison, he thinks, there's only one thing Gus could have used. The ricin. The ricin in his cigarette. Gus must have figured it out, or - or maybe he'd known all along. Maybe Jesse had been too sloppy those times he tried to do it. The coffee? At dinner? It doesn't matter. He doesn't question the truth of it. Walt wouldn't know Brock's name unless Jesse came to him for help.

He can't say anything else. If he utters a word, if he does anything at all, he's going to fall apart.]

[knocker]

[The silence was unsettling.]

Brock pulled through. Gus is gone. The lab is gone.

[He leaned forward and gripped each of his arms and shook him slightly.]

Don't you see? We're free from Gus. Forever.

[hostage]

[Jesse seems to be in another place, even when Walt tells him that Brock pulled through. He almost doesn't hear the words. He's staring straight past Walt at the jacket where he's hidden the poison that Gus would eventually use to murder - attempt to murder an innocent little boy.

He's numb. In a matter of minutes, it's gone from "Go to Mexico and screw up like I know you will and wind up in a barrel somewhere!" to "We're free from Gus forever." All this time, he's been cursing Walt and Gus both for abandoning him. Now one is dead and the other's here, telling him this horror story. Is he supposed to be grateful? He can't feel anything.

Slowly, Jesse's gaze drifts away from the jacket and rises to meet Walt's. His eyes are brimming with tears. He still can't find his voice, but he manages a short nod. A simple acknowledgment that he understands.]

[knocker]

[Seeing Jesse's eyes water forced some of the stronger emotion out of him. He frowned a bit, not understanding why Jesse wasn't looking more relieved or happy.

He had stopped shaking Jesse and held him out at arm length to just look at him. He nodded understanding but did he truly comprehend?]

[hostage]

[Jesse looks away again without another confirmation. He isn't arguing, so that's something. But he's entirely drained by the whiplash of this situation.]

[knocker]

[The silence was starting to unsettle him. Gently, oh so gently, he spoke.]

Jesse?

[hostage]

[He swallows. His voice cracks as he finally asks:]



So, like... What happens now?

[knocker]

We live, Jesse.

[His voice is whispered but firm.]

We don't have to live in fear anymore...once we get home.

[hostage]

[Once we get home. Jesse had given up on that. Not because of the Core, because he'd heard lots of stories about people going home through the Core. It's just that he'd assumed going back to his world would mean going back to Mexico, where the Cartel would kill him once he'd served his purpose... however long that took.

Something about the story still feels wrong. If Gus brought Jesse back from Mexico, then that means he intervened on Jesse's behalf and essentially saved him. Why would he turn around and poison Brock, then, when Jesse was cooking for him at the lab just like he was supposed to? Jesse did everything he was supposed to. It even sounds like he stayed away from Walt.

He shakes his head a little. He's overthinking this. He's doing that thing where he assumes people make sense, but they don't. How loyal was Victor? And he still got his throat sliced open. Over nothing.

Jesse looks at Walt with a tremulous smile. Mr. White just saved his life, he remembers. Here and at home, it sounds like.]



I, uh... Thanks.