"You know, I'm starting to think you use that excuse the same way I do: as an excuse."
Axel's voice was low and a bit gravelly; it was a tone he had used frequently with Saïx, and one that illustrated his exasperation with him fairly well. Axel had always just sort of rolled with everything Xemnas had tried to shove down their throats--no hearts? Okay. No feelings? Sure, fine. But he hadn't changed who he was because of it. Maybe his heart had been behind the wheel of his personality, but just because there had been a change of drivers didn't mean he was a completely different person, right? He still liked sunsets and ice cream and the sound of rain, he still hated to be woken up too early and couldn't stand to eat broccoli and would have sooner died than worn shorts in public. He hadn't needed a heart to do those things, whether his opinions on them required a heart or not.
Claiming he had no feelings had made things easy, actually! If he had no feelings, it couldn't hurt when Saïx treated him like a stranger. It couldn't make him angry when his willingness to take on the nastier jobs was taken advantage of. He couldn't feel lonesome when Roxas left. He couldn't hate himself for having forgotten Xion.
... Right?
He huffed a sigh and sat back a bit, frowning at Saïx.
"Look, I know things between us have been... strained," he said, his brow furrowed, "but you have to know I never wanted that. You were my best friend once upon a time, remember?" He picked up a fry but didn't eat it. "Just because I have a better understanding of what happened to you doesn't mean it's a get out of jail free card for everything you did."
Lea had always been the sort of person to forgive easily. Axel had had a harder time with forgiveness, but he was willing to look past a lot of Saïx's trespasses--he was confident Isa was still in there somewhere, after all. But even if Axel could forgive him, for treating him like a gofer, for taking advantage of his skills, for... for trying to kill him... he couldn't forgive all the awful things he'd done and said to Roxas and Xion. Those weren't his to forgive.
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Axel's voice was low and a bit gravelly; it was a tone he had used frequently with Saïx, and one that illustrated his exasperation with him fairly well. Axel had always just sort of rolled with everything Xemnas had tried to shove down their throats--no hearts? Okay. No feelings? Sure, fine. But he hadn't changed who he was because of it. Maybe his heart had been behind the wheel of his personality, but just because there had been a change of drivers didn't mean he was a completely different person, right? He still liked sunsets and ice cream and the sound of rain, he still hated to be woken up too early and couldn't stand to eat broccoli and would have sooner died than worn shorts in public. He hadn't needed a heart to do those things, whether his opinions on them required a heart or not.
Claiming he had no feelings had made things easy, actually! If he had no feelings, it couldn't hurt when Saïx treated him like a stranger. It couldn't make him angry when his willingness to take on the nastier jobs was taken advantage of. He couldn't feel lonesome when Roxas left. He couldn't hate himself for having forgotten Xion.
... Right?
He huffed a sigh and sat back a bit, frowning at Saïx.
"Look, I know things between us have been... strained," he said, his brow furrowed, "but you have to know I never wanted that. You were my best friend once upon a time, remember?" He picked up a fry but didn't eat it. "Just because I have a better understanding of what happened to you doesn't mean it's a get out of jail free card for everything you did."
Lea had always been the sort of person to forgive easily. Axel had had a harder time with forgiveness, but he was willing to look past a lot of Saïx's trespasses--he was confident Isa was still in there somewhere, after all. But even if Axel could forgive him, for treating him like a gofer, for taking advantage of his skills, for... for trying to kill him... he couldn't forgive all the awful things he'd done and said to Roxas and Xion. Those weren't his to forgive.