I never said that I agreed with you...

[got_it_memorized]

Who: Trollface and Lineface a.k.a. Axel and Saïx
When: Friday, 20July, after work but before sirens
Where: A diner in District 5
Summary: Axel decides it's high time he had a talk with his old friend about his new friends. And the fact that he doesn't appreciate the way he treated them.
Warnings: Prolly nothing but Saïx being douchey and Axel getting pissed off about it.


Really he'd been meaning to talk to him about it for a while now, but it had never seemed like the right time. Granted, there were a lot of those sorts of situations lately, it seemed... Axel apparently didn't know how to have casual everyday conversations anymore--everything had to be serious business.

Well, there was a lot of serious business that had sat too long unattended to, and while he still wasn't quite sure how to approach Roxas and Xion about his untimely fate, as it were, he decided it was high time he approached Saïx about Roxas and Xion. Namely, about the fact that he had been a gigantic jerk to them and how that Wasn't Okay.

Saïx had changed a lot over the past several months, Axel was pleased to be able to say. He was still taciturn and often infuriating, but it felt a lot less deliberate these days. Even Isa had been a bit exasperating at times, and while Axel had no illusions that Saïx would ever be Isa again, he at least seemed to be less absolutely nothing like Isa whatsoever. Axel would take what he could get.

"Never thought I'd see the day you wanted to conduct any sort of discussion in a diner," he said across the booth, sipping his iced tea and giving Saïx a somewhat bemused look. "I am impressed by your newfound ability to actually juggle your workaholism and, you know, mundane daily functions like eating." He waved a french fry in a circle in the air. "Especially eating greasy food. And without even being forced!" Popping the fry in his mouth he concluded with a grain of sarcasm, "I'm so proud of you."

Comments

[no_resignations]

Saïx had initially come here because it happened to be good in quality at a decent price--something he could afford. He'd quickly, ah, fallen in love with the food. Especially the burgers, however greasy they are. Speaking of which, he's taking a big bite out of his.

"I don't turn down good food at a good price."

Ever the practical one, he is. And it's about time he ate, anyway. Why not conduct their business while having it?

[got_it_memorized]

"You're so pragmatic," Axel said with a roll of his eyes. "Is anything you do ever without reason and a list of pros and cons?"

He wasn't really indicting him, it'd just be out of the ordinary for him not to be giving Saïx a hard time. Might as well keep things normal, at least until it was time to bring up the subject at hand.

Actually, there wasn't much sense beating around the bush. Saïx was pragmatic, and while utilitarian wasn't a word that tended to come to mind when describing Axel he appreciated efficiency as much as the next ex-professional-assassin. He took a bite of his patty-melt and then gestured vaguely with it before setting it back on his plate.

"So," he said, brushing his hands together to get the salt from the fries off them and then steepling his fingers conspiratorially, "I'm sure you're wondering why I've called this meeting."

Best to keep things casual; he was less here to condemn Saïx for his actions (though that certainly wouldn't have been an inappropriate response) and more to impress upon him that that sort of behavior wasn't okay and had frankly really pissed him off. He knew yelling at Saïx wouldn't do anything. He was going to have to be logical.

Ew, logic.

"I wanted to talk about... well, the state of... this." He waved a hand back and forth in the space between them. "It's weird," he said, "to think that... well, we've kind of come back to a point where we can actually stand to sit in each other's company and not have to constantly rein in the urge to punch the other in the face. Or maybe that was me, I never was very good at knowing what was going on in that head of yours."

Well, that was mostly a lie, but he was still shooting for levity.

"So I guess I appreciate the fact that you've made an effort to be less of a huge honking jerkface lately," he concluded, popping another fry in his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. Maybe he would see how Saïx reacted to this before continuing.

[no_resignations]

Saïx is not entirely sure what Axel is getting at. Well, no, he understands. But he's not dumb. He knows there is more to this than there seems. Axel wouldn't call a meeting if this is all he wants to talk about.

"And?"

He wants to cut to the chase. So now he'll wait, taking another big bite out of his burger. He really isn't meaning to seem rushed, but he doesn't like being kept waiting.

[got_it_memorized]

Even if he had meant to seem rushed, it wasn't like Axel would have gotten to the point any faster. In fact, if Saïx had seemed particularly rushed he might have deliberately taken longer. He knew him well enough to be able to tell the difference, though; he might not have always known what Saïx was thinking, but he could usually garner enough to make sure to be an extra big pain in the ass.

"And," he said, picking up another fry, and then he paused, the fry lifted like the staff of a conductor waiting to direct the first note. And... what? He wasn't entirely certain the best way to phrase this. "Perhaps 'however' is more relevant," he amended, pointing the fry at him before popping it into his mouth. "So, 'however', I wanted to bring up the fact that a few of your previous actions were grossly unacceptable and frankly I'm still kind of stung."

This was said with a dramatic display of spreading the fingers of one hand over the spot where his heart logically would have been, just in case Saïx decided to hand him a 'we don't have hearts' spiel. He knew it... even if he wasn't so sure sometimes... but that wasn't the point right now. The point was Saïx had been a real ass to Roxas and Xion--he had put them in grave danger!--and as if that wasn't bad enough... he'd pretty much tried to kill him on the beaches of Twilight Town. Whichever of his transgressions Saïx chose to interpret this as a reaction to, Axel didn't care. The point was for him to acknowledge it.

[no_resignations]

Ah. There it is. Saix closes his eyes wearily. He should have known this would come up sooner or later. He sighs a bit and puts his burger down while reaching up to rub his temples. Immediately, the guarded openness is shut down. They had been doing so well, and now Axel has brought this nasty subject up. He takes a deep breath before looking at Axel finally.

"That is not something I wish to speak about."

It's probably the answer Axel expects. But Saix doesn't care.

[got_it_memorized]

"I figured that was what you'd say," Axel muttered, setting his sandwich down and leaning back a bit. "I know it ain't somethin' you wanna talk about, but frankly I'm kinda tired of always doing things your way."

Axel kept the ragged, tired edge out of his voice. He knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation, but he didn't want to make it worse by cornering Saïx with unfiltered anger. Sure, he was angry about it, but enough time had passed that he could refrain from the urge to snap at him for it.

Yes, they'd been doing well. Yes, Axel was happy about it. But if it was going to come at the expense of his conscience then as far as Axel was concerned it wasn't worth it. Maybe Saïx had been his friend first, but Saïx had changed. They had both done things he had to think they weren't proud of (though whether or not Saïx saw it that way Axel dared not suppose), but nothing Axel had done had hurt anyone important to his old friend.

... Axel probably would have avoided such a thing even if Sa&239;x had anyone he actually gave a damn about.

"So are we gonna talk about it," Axel said, folding his arms, "or are we playing the one step forward three steps back game? 'Cuz I thought we'd been making pretty good progress with your whole 12-step anti-jerkface program."

This is going to end badly.

[no_resignations]

Saix levels his gaze on Axel now, dispelling that weariness for now. He's back to his usual expression, completely on-guard once more. That blank look he's had so often since Radiant Garden.

"I will be perfectly clear, Axel: I have avoided both Roxas and Xion and indulged your relationship with them. They are of no use to me, nor do they threaten anything. They are something I am indifferent toward. That is all."

It's blunt and to the point, and Saix will take a drink of his water afterward. He knows this is going bad places, and it's why he's avoided saying the thing he knows Axel will force him to say. So for now, he will dance around the topic.

[got_it_memorized]

Axel rolled his eyes pointedly.

"Wow, when did you become an expert in missing the point?" he asked, popping another french fry in his mouth and then waving one at Saïx. "I know you've left them alone here. I think I speak for all of us when I say it's appreciated. But you do realize that doesn't undo the stuff you did to them before, right?"

It was a question that didn't really need to be asked, so far as Axel thought, but sometimes he did have to spell things out for Saïx to openly acknowledge them. It was one of the other man's more annoying habits: avoiding things until they were thrust in his face. Axel hated to be so very straightforward so early in a conversation, but when it came to this topic there was really no room for obscurity or vagueness. He hadn't expected this would be an easy conversation, but he had hoped that Saïx might at least be slightly more receptive to it than he was being.

So much for that idea.

[no_resignations]

Of course Axel won't drop it. Saix should have known. He frowns. Why won't Axel get it?

"Of course it doesn't. But, unless you have forgotten, I can't regret or apologize. It would be as empty as our chests."

There is no more to say on the topic as far as Saix is concerned. He cannot regret his actions (and it's debatable if he even would). Axel should know this, so he doesn't see why he pushes this subject.

[got_it_memorized]

"You know, I'm starting to think you use that excuse the same way I do: as an excuse."

Axel's voice was low and a bit gravelly; it was a tone he had used frequently with Saïx, and one that illustrated his exasperation with him fairly well. Axel had always just sort of rolled with everything Xemnas had tried to shove down their throats--no hearts? Okay. No feelings? Sure, fine. But he hadn't changed who he was because of it. Maybe his heart had been behind the wheel of his personality, but just because there had been a change of drivers didn't mean he was a completely different person, right? He still liked sunsets and ice cream and the sound of rain, he still hated to be woken up too early and couldn't stand to eat broccoli and would have sooner died than worn shorts in public. He hadn't needed a heart to do those things, whether his opinions on them required a heart or not.

Claiming he had no feelings had made things easy, actually! If he had no feelings, it couldn't hurt when Saïx treated him like a stranger. It couldn't make him angry when his willingness to take on the nastier jobs was taken advantage of. He couldn't feel lonesome when Roxas left. He couldn't hate himself for having forgotten Xion.

... Right?

He huffed a sigh and sat back a bit, frowning at Saïx.

"Look, I know things between us have been... strained," he said, his brow furrowed, "but you have to know I never wanted that. You were my best friend once upon a time, remember?" He picked up a fry but didn't eat it. "Just because I have a better understanding of what happened to you doesn't mean it's a get out of jail free card for everything you did."

Lea had always been the sort of person to forgive easily. Axel had had a harder time with forgiveness, but he was willing to look past a lot of Saïx's trespasses--he was confident Isa was still in there somewhere, after all. But even if Axel could forgive him, for treating him like a gofer, for taking advantage of his skills, for... for trying to kill him... he couldn't forgive all the awful things he'd done and said to Roxas and Xion. Those weren't his to forgive.