I listen to my heart, and all I hear is my body dying

[reassures]

Who: Nill & Gilbert
When: Sometime around noon on the 1st? maybe earlier, idk.
Where: Probably somewhere near where Gil works.
Summary: Nill's been out all night and all day when she starts seeing things in reflections. She reacts violently! Gilbert notices this and comes to the rescue. The term "rescue" is used very loosely here.
Warnings: Guns and graphic descriptions of corpses.

[Nill thought she was seeing things at first. It was the most reasonable explanation - almost twenty hours since Yosuke had disappeared (if not longer), and she'd begun to see things. It wasn't that hard to believe, as much as she would have liked to deny it. Even a telepath didn't have a perfect mind; the only surprising thing was the speed with which her descent hit her.

She tried to ignore them at first. It was easy enough; don't look at any windows, just look to the sides, keep moving because she needed to find him. It was easy, until Nill rounded a corner, and Yosuke was staring back at her.

It wasn't the boy who'd spent the past year at her side, though. He was older, and full of a million holes, gashes and cuts and bullets and rotting right to his core. A different person might not have been able to recognize him, but Nill had spent nearly three years with that boy. Of course she knew him. The older Yosuke stared from the large window pane with blank eyes, begging Nill to give him back his ripped apart soul.

Horrified, Nill stumbled back, falling to the ground. No. No, no, no, this wasn't happening, it wasn't him, it couldn't be him because he wasn't the right person anymore, she didn't want him! She wanted Yosuke, not some awful person that had never cared about her at all--

If Nill could, she'd scream. Instead, she fumbles for one of the two guns at her hips, and starts emptying a round of bullets into the window in broad daylight.]

Comments

[retraced]

[He's still catching his breath, but the strain on his body is starting to fade as Raven's influence loosens its grip on him. It wasn't a long distance; the Core has more to do with the extra stress than Raven himself. Though, he's still not entirely prepared for the hug that she gives him, but that's...only because he never expects human contact that doesn't end in a cane to the back of his knees or a punch to the face. Because Gilbert has the best friends ever.

He returns the embrace with one arm, resting carefully across her shoulders as though he's worried that he'll break her if he holds on too tightly. He wants to ask more about Yosuke, but for now he only gives her comforting silence.]

[reassures]

[It's all she can really do to keep from crying. Just hold on to Gilbert and try to calm herself. It doesn't work entirely well - there's only so much she can do in the wake of this loss and the ghosts everywhere, but it's enough.

She's alone now - completely and utterly alone, for the first time in four years - but at least Gilbert understands why she's alone. He'll understand no matter what she does.

It takes her a long moment to actually let go of Gilbert, but she pulls away after a little bit. Her eyes are red and exhausted, but otherwise there's no indication that she's cried anymore, even though her hands are still trembling faintly.]

[retraced]

[There are no words of encouragement that he can give that she hasn't already heard. 'Maybe someday they'll be back' or 'next time things will be different' or 'when you leave here, you won't remember anything so it won't have to hurt you anymore'. Words like that are meaningless because they don't solve anything. Hope is useless without action, and loss of that hope is worse than death.

He reaches out and places a hand on the back of her head, comfortingly, he hopes.]

Nill...

[He glances down to her trembling hands, finally noticing the cuts on them, though he doesn't notice the stain on his jacket at all.]

Your hands -

[reassures]

[They're all bullshit excuses, and if it was anyone but Gilbert right now, Nill would probably hit them for thinking any of those things. But they're only words, and Gilbert doesn't believe them anyway.

Nill glances down when Gilbert does, and she seems as surprised by the cuts on her hands as he does. She quickly closes her fingers into fists though, as if that will make them seem less noticeable.]

It doesn't hurt.

[Though from the looks of the cuts, they'll probably scar.]

[retraced]

[Even if it doesn't hurt now, she's still obviously too shaken to notice it properly. After everything she's been through here, he's not surprised at all that something like this would destroy her completely. But he knows better than to take her back to the hospital if it's possible to avoid it; the people in this world, in this time, are too quick to pump a person full of medication and hope that it cures them. She doesn't need to be more numb right now.

He moves to stand at her side, still supporting her gently.]

We should still get it cleaned up. The bakery is close by, I'll take care of you.

[And then awkward backpedaling:]

-It! I'll - I'll take care of it...

[reassures]

[Destroy her? Maybe. Nill is still looking at her hands, as if that will make them stop bleeding somehow. It doesn't hurt at all, so it's hard to believe the blood is her own. She almost wishes it did hurt.

No. More than that, she wishes she was in the hospital. She wishes she was hurt and tired and drugged, and she could barely feel a thing except a strange amount of happiness when people actually visited; Gilbert brought flowers, and Dave played music until she fell asleep, and Yosuke--

Yosuke was actually there, and she'd give the world, anything, her fingers and legs and sight and everything, if it meant he would be there again. If she could bring him back and see him smile.

Giving those things is no good though, because the only being she knows would take them can't bring him back for her.

But Gilbert has said something strange, and Nill is distracted from her thoughts to look up at him. She doesn't understand why what he said was strange; Gilbert has always looked after her when she's come to him. He's always been a good friend, and she doesn't understand why the statement is strange.

She's grateful however, as much as she can be right now.]

Thank you.

[retraced]

Mm.

[He's a little mortified by his slip, but maybe not for the same reasons that Nill might suspect. Actually, he's not even completely sure why he's embarrassed by it other than the wording made it sound as though it were too intimate of a situation. Of course she knows that he'll protect her at any cost, but putting it like that...

No, he's just too awkward to accept the wording there, no matter how much he means it.

He steers the both of them down the alleyway towards Funtom.]

Did you...ah, want to talk about it at all?

[reassures]

[Nill didn't think of it as being... intimate, really. Any other time the thought would probably embarrass her a little bit, admittedly, but right now all she sees it as is him being concerned for her. She would return the sentiment and gesture any time that Gilbert needed her to.]

...When we're off the streets. Is that okay?

[She didn't entirely trust herself to get where they needed to go if she started talking now. As they start moving, she keeps her eyes trained on the ground - until she realizes there are puddles on the ground a ways in front of her, and she looks up quickly instead. It's easier to stay calm if she digs her nails into her already cut up hands.]

[retraced]

[He's not sure that he'll be any help at all. Gil is well aware that he's one of the worst people to discuss problems with. Not because he lacks empathy, but only because he's terrible at expressing it out loud. Ten years ago, it was easy to wear his heart on his sleeve, but losing his young master had bottled him up too tight.]

Of course. If you need -

[He notices her eyes flick upwards, and immediately he realizes what she's looking at. He frowns and holds her closer to him, one hand reaching out to gently take her chin and tilt her face towards his shoulder.]

Don't look down. I'll watch the ground for the both of us.

[reassures]

[She's not sure how much she likes the way she's being touched right now - it's a little too familiar (mostly the hand on her chin), and it makes her tense up a little, but otherwise... a few years ago she would've reacted much worse. She's getting a bit better, and she's grateful for that much. Nill averts her gaze so that she's looking at Gilbert's jacket. After a moment, she closes her eyes instead.]

Okay.

[Despite the blood, she curls her fingers into his jacket and holds on tightly. She really does trust Gilbert more than he knows to let him do this for her.]

[retraced]

[He's quick to move his hand back away from her face, but keeps the one arm still secured around her shoulders. The faces of dead illegal contractors still stare up at him from the puddles, and from the edge of a metal garbage can he sees a number of Pandora agents that he's watched die over the years. His peers that he couldn't save, or were simply too foolish to go up against the wrong Chain.

But at the edge of the alleyway, another group of sorrowful faces stares up at him. The Pandora agents that he had killed. He hadn't had a choice that day; the other men had been controlled by Doldum, the Baskerville Chain's marionette strings moving their arms and legs for them, forcing them all to advance upon Gilbert all at once. He'd only needed to fire once upon all of them, the shots landing perfectly every time. He hadn't had time to mourn them; he'd barely even thought about them all these years, but for some reason seeing them now is a painful reminder of the cruelty that he's learned in the last decade.

She might not have her eyes open, but she'll be able to hear a short, pained exhale of breath as he slows his pace slightly and peeks out around the corner towards the street. There's no time to let himself be consumed by those painful memories now, he has the more important task of getting her inside safely first.]