are you insane?

[hejhej]

Who: Nill and Lisbeth
When: Not long after Wednesday's newsfeed
Where: Nill's apartment
Summary: Lisbeth freaks out on Nill about her brazen public attack.
Warnings: CURSING SO HARD

[The moment she'd read the newsfeed, she rushed over to Nill's house, braving the Darkness to do so. She was fucking livid. Lisbeth was buzzing frantically up to Nill's apartment, one part trying to avoid the monster slowly making its way down the street and one part wanting to just shake the living daylights out of the girl.]

Comments

[reassures]

[Oh boy. She can practically hear Lisbeth from up in her room. Still, Nill is at the door in a moment, and pulling it open to let Lisbeth inside. She might not, normally, but it's dark, and Lisbeth isn't a fighter. Not... a monster fighter, anyway. (She had no doubt Lisbeth could handle people just fine.)]

[hejhej]

[Lisbeth pushes into the apartment as soon as the door gives way. She shuts it behind her, quickly locking it to prevent the Darkness from coming in or anything else. She then turns on Nill, her voice fast.]

What the hell is your problem? [She's walking briskly up to her now.]

[reassures]

Why are you upset?

[Nill frowns, but she takes a step back, watching Lisbeth.]

I don't have a problem. I wasn't caught.

[hejhej]

[She's on her now, not really caring if Nill's got a few more inches on her. She's getting in her face.]

You killed a high-ranking AGI man in a public space. You could have been caught or someone could have seen you. This whole operation could have been for nothing.

[Even though she's furious, she keeps her voice level, but it's harsh - a tone she's never used with Nill.]

[reassures]

[That's enough sudden closeness to freak Nill out a little. She immediately backpedals, posture suddenly stiff and uncomfortable.]

There was no chance of me getting caught. Even if there was, you wouldn't have been implicated.

[hejhej]

[She's not stopping.]

Even if I wasn't implicated, there's--

[It's hard coming out and she almost vomits out the word.]

You.

[reassures]

[Nill's heart rate is starting to spike, and she still tries to step back for every step forward Lisbeth takes. For all the progress she's made, she can't have someone angry getting up in her face. It freaks her out too much, and if it were someone else she'd stand her ground and start throwing punches, but-- it's not someone else. It's Lisbeth.

That's why it startles Nill all the more when Lisbeth is suddenly addressing her, as if she's... important. As if it would make a difference if she was caught-- and Nill doesn't know how to deal with that right now. Not when, to some degree, she wants to be caught.]

I wouldn't say anything about you. Not ever.

[hejhej]

I'm not talking about you singing like a bird if you're caught by the authorities.

[It's hard to say it to Nill of all people. Lisbeth has regressed greatly when it comes to showing emotions in the past weeks and she's kept them to herself.]

You're not the only person losing important people in your life.

[reassures]

[She doesn't understand why Lisbeth is saying this. People caring about her was the very last thing that Nill needed right now - especially Lisbeth, who Nill had just used to get information that she needed. Lisbeth, whose lover she was also using, in worse ways than she'd used Lisbeth until now.

Right now Nill needed apathy. People caring about her made it that much more difficult to do what she needed to do. She needed to do this... What else was left for her?]

...everyone I've ever loved is gone.

[And then, she starts listing off names. Some are just descriptions - people whose names and faces she can no longer remember, because this place has fucked with her head, but once upon a time they were still important, and they were still gone.]

The man who took me in, the scarred man, his friend, the little girl from school, the people from the network, Itachi, Kazama, Naruto, Senpai, Badou, Heine, Chane, Claire, Rin, Allen, Chouji, AR...

[And then with these, her 'voice' starts to sound just a little more desperate.]

Dave, Shika... Yosuke..

I've been losing people for years... and they never really come back, and it isn't ever okay.

I'm not the only one losing people, but I'm the only one left. I need to do this.

[hejhej]

But not get yourself killed in the process. And it's AGI, who knows what your sentence would be.

[Because death would be too easy.]

[reassures]

Whatever they'd do to me, I've probably been through worse.

[And if not, she'd kill herself.]

[hejhej]

[Lisbeth knows unwavering determination when she sees it. She backs away from Nill, her attitude dissipating and her shoulders lax. Lisbeth remains quiet though. There's nothing to say when someone's made up their mind.]

[reassures]

...I won't get caught.

[The kindest thing she can do for Lisbeth is lie to her.]

Please don't worry.

[hejhej]

Okay.

[reassures]

[She pauses a little, before reaching over to take Lisbeth's hand, and give it a little squeeze. Her own hands are full of half-healed cuts and scars right now.]

Do you want to stay here again?

[hejhej]

[Just because it's so second nature to her, Lisbeth jerks her hand back slightly when Nill reaches for it. But she calms down and lets her hold her hand.]

I'd like to.

[reassures]

[She considers letting go, but once Lisbeth gets over the initial shock it seems fine, so Nill manages a small twitch of her lips in something that's almost like a smile.

Then she tugs her properly inside the apartment, away from the door and the darkness waiting outside.]

[hejhej]

[She follows her more inside the apartment. Lisbeth is quiet for awhile before she speaks again.]

I'm sorry.

[reassures]

Don't be.

[Nill deserved it, honestly. Though it was kind of startling, and she'll probably jump at things for a little while. For now though, it's fine. She doesn't hold it against Lisbeth.]

Do you want something to drink?

[She has beer, and she has tea, and probably harder stuff. Whatever Lisbeth would like. This week has been so terribly long.]

[hejhej]

Anything.

[She could get really trashed right now, to be honest.]

[reassures]

[Nill understands the general sentiment. She steps over to the fridge without a word and pulls out two beers, sliding one over to Lisbeth.]

[hejhej]

[Lisbeth follows her into the kitchen and sits down at the table. She accepts the beer and twists off the cap. In no time, she's taking a swig of it.]

[reassures]

[Nill fumbles a little with getting hers open, before giving up and pulling a bottle opener out of a drawer. Her hands are still healing from getting all cut up, and she doesn't want to start them bleeding again. But then she sits at the table as well, and takes a sip of her own beer.]

...Are you okay?

[hejhej]

[Lisbeth quietly watches Nill fiddle with her beer. She's about to offer opening it up for her when she gets up from the table. Lisbeth goes back to drinking her beer before the question was asked.

Her immediate response would be yes. Yes, she was fine. Everything was great. She has a new job. But that's the only thing that's different.

She can answer Nill's question with a yes, but she's just revealed to her that it would just be a lie.

Lisbeth avoids her gaze.]

[reassures]

[The answer is obvious, even without the telepathy. Nill doesn't need it to understand people like Lisbeth.]

We can talk about it, if you want.

[Or they could just keep drinking. Lisbeth is welcome here either way.]

[hejhej]

[She's staring at her bottle cap, thumbing the edges slightly.]

There's nothing to talk about. Not telling her about Jesse and me was my decision.

I shouldn't be surprised by the repercussions.

[reassures]

[Ah. It was about the new housemate. Nill had only seen mention of her on the network a few times, and knew almost nothing about her, but she knew she was there.]

You should talk to Jesse about it.

[hejhej]

[She shakes her head.]

It was my decision. I should accept the consequences.

[Thinking logically made it easier, even if she was hurting herself in the process.]

[reassures]

You should talk to him.

[She takes a swig of her beer, still 'talking' as she does.]

It doesn't matter if it was your decision if it's making you unhappy now.

[hejhej]

[She's picking at the beer bottle's label now. Lisbeth's gotten the corner off before she speaks again.]

I'm afraid.

[reassures]

He loves you. He'll understand.

[hejhej]

When I told him to stop using meth, that I didn't like what it was doing to him, he accused me of talking and conspiring with that bastard, Walter White.

[She sounds annoyed - she hates the old man and the accusation angered her.]

[reassures]

That was the meth. This isn't.

[She's sure he'll be different about this. It's just that attacking the drug use is a lot different than bringing up something else.]

[hejhej]

[Nill's right. These were two entirely different circumstances and two different reasons that were the cause of her strife.

She's never admitted this to anyone, but--]

It's been a long time since I've been this.. sad.

[Damn this woman and her ability to make Lisbeth just dump her feelings on her.]

[reassures]

You have every right to be sad. But Jesse isn't going to leave you.

[It comes out gently; reassuringly. She knows Lisbeth is sad, and she wants to ease a little bit of her pain, if she can.]

I've seen it. I know how much he loves you.

[hejhej]

[She watches Nill quietly. Her heart beats hard momentarily and she feels it. That pain. Lisbeth says nothing more and downs her beer.]

This isn't getting me drunk fast enough.

[reassures]

I have harder stuff, if you want it.

[Though not a great deal. Nill is as light as lightweights come, and if Lisbeth weren't here she'd probably be quite tipsy. But she is, and having someone like Lisbeth around is a good way to remain sober.]