You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals.

[buttwombs]

Who: Norio buttwombs, Keigo asano_san, and Grell deathknellgrell.
When: Evening of March 15th.
Where: The three knucklehead's apartment.
Summary: Suddenly, catmonkey thing.
Warnings: None, but you never know with these bros.



[Suddenly, there is a cat loose in the apartment.

Well, it seems kind of like a cat. There's something a little off about it, though. It's quite frantic, hopping from one place to another and... er, the sound it's making isn't QUITE meowing.]

Comments

[deathknellgrell]

Ha! Yes!

[ Grell has just knocked off yet another prostitute in Grand Theft Auto V. ]

Huh~?

[ He cocks his head to one side, listening. ]

I've never heard them yowl like that when they die. Have you, Keigo?

[asano_san]

[The prostitute death glee doesn't get any less disturbing the more he sees it.]

No. That doesn't sound right.

[He really hopes Grell hasn't leveled up to unlock some secret audio channel with extra realistic death moans. Keigo leans forward to bang on the side of the television.]

Are the speakers going out?

[buttwombs]

[And then, suddenly, it hops right onto Keigo's head with a loud cry!]

[deathknellgrell]

GAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAHH!

[ Caught off guard, Grell shrieks! ]

What is that thing?

[ He grabs the first object he can find and chucks it at the hapless creature. The first object being, naturally, a lotion bottle. It squirts everywhere! ]

[asano_san]

What is it? Get it off! WHAT'S ON MY HEAD?!

[Keigo doesn't know whether to try to fight it off or cringe in terror.

He's momentarily distracted from these important decisions when the lotion bottle hits him right on the back of the head. He feels a cool wetness begin to ooze down.]

What is it now? Am I bleeding?!

[buttwombs]

[When the creature sees the lotion bottle coming he leaps off Keigo's head, jumping instead to the top of the TV. It misses a step, however, and ends up falling with a loud crash behind the set.]

[deathknellgrell]

[ All Grell saw was something small, furry, and fast-moving. Ergo... ]

It's a rat, you've got RATS!

A raaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

[ This last word sounds as a full-on, high-pitched wail! Grell hops on top of Keigo's bed, waving his arms in dismay. ]

I told you to throw the pizza boxes away, but did you listen?

[asano_san]

That felt too big to be a rat!

[There's still lotion in his hair and slowly dripping down his back, but he has other worries.]

Do you think the Core makes rats mutate?

[There is no way he is looking behind the TV.]

And I told you if you were going to eat my pizza, you could take the box to the trash!

[buttwombs]

[Once the critter recovers from the fall, it sloooowly sticks it's head out from behind the television with a sad look.]

Meowwrrrr?

[deathknellgrell]

Hmpf!  What do I look like, a maid?  You should--

[ And catmonkey makes his appearance! ] 

THERE IT IS!  Hit it with a broom!

[asano_san]

You hit it with a broom! I'm not giving it another shot at my head!

[buttwombs]

Chhhhhhhmeowr! CHH!

[It shakes its head rapidly! Clearly it can understand what they're talking about.]

[deathknellgrell]

You're never going to get anywhere with that attitude, Keigo! You ought to be protecting me - faint heart never won fair lady~!

[ A dismissive gesture ]

Forget it, you probably don't even have a broom! You'll just have to--

[ ... ]

Did that rat just - meow?

[asano_san]

Of course we have a broom! We're not that disgusting!

[Although now that the issue's on the table, he...can't absolutely positively without a doubt tell Grell where it is.]

I- I think it did.

[Keigo's still keeping his distance, but he leans ever so slightly forward to get a better look. The ears look like cat ears.]

Is it a cat?

[buttwombs]

[The animal steps out a little further, cautiously.

It has rather large green eyes. Possibly familiar ones?]

Meowwrrrr...

1/2

[deathknellgrell]

[ As the catmonkey steps out further - and as Grell calms down from his shrieking fit - he begins to get an impression of the creature's soul. ]

It's a...

It's...

2/2

[deathknellgrell]

[ Words fail Grell. He collapses onto the bed in a fit of laughter! ]

[asano_san]

[Keigo hasn't caught on yet.]

What's so funny?! I have a Core-mutated cat in my bedroom! And I don't know how it got here! That's not funny at all!

[buttwombs]

[At the sound of Grell's laughter, the creature's ears lower and it... scowls?]

Ch ch!

[deathknellgrell]

It's--

HAHAHHAHAA!

[ Grell is holding his sides, gasping for breath. ]

L-look at it. Just look! See the expression on its little face~?

[asano_san]

[It is kind of cute. But!]

It's probably trying to look cute to lure us in.

Then we get closer and BAM! Mutant cat attack!

[It doesn't look like a normal cat, so he's sticking with his mutant theory.]

[buttwombs]

[It presses itself flat against the ground, looking MORE mortified by the second.]

[deathknellgrell]

[ Poor catmonkey.

He'll probably be flattening himself further against the ground when he sees a manicured hand looming above him...

GRAB!

In a flash, Grell's got him by the scruff of the neck and is shoving him at Keigo's face! ]

MUTANT CAT ATTACK HYAH!

[asano_san]

[Now Keigo's the one collapsing back onto the bed, but it's not with sidesplitting laughter. It's more of a flailing shriek.]

Get that away from me!

[buttwombs]

[And the catmonkey just kind of hangs limp, looking pitiful and not the least bit scary.]

[deathknellgrell]

You complete ninny.

[ Grell dangles the catmonkey over Keigo's cringing figure... ]

This is Norio. You know - your flatmate. At the moment, his physical body matches his soul.

[ ...and drops it! ]

[asano_san]

[He's calmed down now that the vicious beast is looking not so vicious and kind of sad.

But there's no way that's Norio.]

That isn't how catboys work!

[At least not according to *cough* his recent Internet research.

He doesn't freak out as much at the sudden cat in his lap, but there's still a high-pitched noise of protest.]

[buttwombs]

[When he's suddenly dropped, Norio gives a surprised mewl.

Once he regains his bearings, he promptly turns around to hiss at Grell, his ears back.]

[deathknellgrell]

Oh~?

[ He's beyond entertained that Keigo would actually have an opinion on the subject! ]

And how do catboys work?

--quiet, you!

[ This last is directed at Norio. ]

Stop hissing. Or I will have you fixed!

[asano_san]

[Danger! Danger!]

Th-they're supposed to be more boy than cat!

[Being able to hiss at Grell wouldn't be such a bad skill to have.]

[buttwombs]

[Norio puts his front paws on Keigo's chest and looks up at him sadly.]

Meooowr!

[deathknellgrell]

So - this one's just a bit more cat than boy. Hmmm, actually...

[ Grell tilts his head to one side, gazing at Norio. ]

...he looks like a cat that was put together by someone with a general idea about cats, but no practical knowledge.

[asano_san]

[The cat does have the same color eyes as Norio. And why does he know what color eyes Norio has?!

Keigo absently scritches him behind the ears to try to cheer him up.]

If this really is Norio, what are we supposed to do with him?

[buttwombs]

[The scritch seems to help. In a few moments there's the low rumble of a purr coming from the critter.]

[deathknellgrell]

[ Grell sits down on the bed next to Keigo, and reaches across him to pat Norio!kitty as well. As a supernatural being, Grell is immune to Norio's pheremones; but even he can't resist the appeal of a warm little fuzzy creature. ]

Get him a litter box, I suppose. And a scratching post.

Oooh! I could bring over some cat toys!

[asano_san]

[At this moment, all of the worries and bizarre details of his roommate probably suddenly turning into a cat and purring in his lap have coalesced into a single repeating statement in Keigo's head. This is weird.]

I'm not cleaning his litter box!

[buttwombs]

[Norio's ears flatten again at the very suggestion he'd go in a box... but the purring continues. It feels good to be petted and he can't help it.]

Chrrrrr...

[deathknellgrell]

If you don't clean it, your apartment is going to smell.

[ A pause, as he regards Keigo's continued patting - and Norio's purring. ]

Do you do this sort of thing frequently when you're at home?

I mean - when he isn't a cat.

[asano_san]

Maybe he remembers how to use the toilet.

[Or maybe Yosuke can take care of the litter box.

Yosuke.

How is he going to explain this to him?]

What do you-?

No! Of course not!

[He tries to push Norio off his lap, like that will be enough to get rid of the incriminating evidence. Not that there's anything to incriminate him for!]

[buttwombs]

[Not expecting it, Norio is pushed right off, falling on his face. Apparently the whole 'land on your feet' thing was not a cat trait he got.]

[deathknellgrell]

Oh. I believe you.

[ Said in a tone of voice indicating that he does not. Smoothly, he reaches down and picks up Norio once more, and sets him back on the bed, next to Keigo. ]

My, my. Look at the time. I'd better be going. Leave you two here together~.

[asano_san]

It's true!

[He knows it's a lost cause.]

[buttwombs]

[Norio hisses at Grell again!]

[deathknellgrell]

[ Grell gives Norio a final scritch - and ruffles Keigo's hair, too, for good measure! ]

Bye-bye meoooooow~!

[ And just like that - he's gone! ]