He rubbed the back of his neck. This was the sort of thing he told Sirius, typically-- but Sirius wouldn't understand, not about this. How could he? They had never seen eye-to-eye about sex; Sirius was far too casual about it-- and anyway, this was too tied up with Sirius; he couldn't confess all this to him. But Kurt-- Kurt, for some reason, seemed to have reservations about sex. He was smart, and removed from the situation-- he was perfect.
"It's . . . I love Alice," he began, meeting Kurt's eyes. He wanted to be sure the other boy understood; that this wasn't some desperate confession of lack of passion. "I love her more than anythin'. I'd die for her if I had to. She's . . . I can't wait to grow old with her. I've never loved someone so much before." A few seconds passed. He bit his thumbnail nervously. "But I-- Jesus, Kurt, I think I'm gonna go nuts if she and I don't do somethin' soon. Not just sex," he added, not wanting the other boy to think him crass. "Not-- it's not all about that. But . . . all we do is kiss, and-- Christ, we're both traumatized as hell, and I don't blame her, I mean, I don't wanna push her into nothin', but sometimes it feels like we'll never do anythin' but kiss. And--"
He hesitated again, this time more visibly. The tips of his ears went noticeably red, and he glared a little. "You can't tell nobody about this, all right? This is between us, us and us alone, what I'm about to tell you." He sighed irritably and glanced out the window. His ears had gone entirely red now, and he pushed a hand through his hair again. "There . . . in December last year, there was this curse. Before you came, obviously. And it . . . made you fall in love with whoever you were with." The flush had spread to his cheeks. "Well, me and Sirius, we go everywhere, don't we. And so we-- well, I mean--"
Jack glanced back toward Kurt, embarrassed but defiant. "It was like I'd never been raped," he said baldly. Kurt would understand; he was one of the few people Jack had ever met who understood that trauma. "That night, we were . . . I'd never been so happy. It was like . . . like how it's supposed to be, you know? Fireworks. I wasn't scared, not once, we just-- it was perfect."
Silence fell between them for a few seconds, until Jack added bitterly, "And I can't stop thinkin' about it. I love her, mate, I love her, but I don't . . ." He shook his head a bit helplessly.
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"It's . . . I love Alice," he began, meeting Kurt's eyes. He wanted to be sure the other boy understood; that this wasn't some desperate confession of lack of passion. "I love her more than anythin'. I'd die for her if I had to. She's . . . I can't wait to grow old with her. I've never loved someone so much before." A few seconds passed. He bit his thumbnail nervously. "But I-- Jesus, Kurt, I think I'm gonna go nuts if she and I don't do somethin' soon. Not just sex," he added, not wanting the other boy to think him crass. "Not-- it's not all about that. But . . . all we do is kiss, and-- Christ, we're both traumatized as hell, and I don't blame her, I mean, I don't wanna push her into nothin', but sometimes it feels like we'll never do anythin' but kiss. And--"
He hesitated again, this time more visibly. The tips of his ears went noticeably red, and he glared a little. "You can't tell nobody about this, all right? This is between us, us and us alone, what I'm about to tell you." He sighed irritably and glanced out the window. His ears had gone entirely red now, and he pushed a hand through his hair again. "There . . . in December last year, there was this curse. Before you came, obviously. And it . . . made you fall in love with whoever you were with." The flush had spread to his cheeks. "Well, me and Sirius, we go everywhere, don't we. And so we-- well, I mean--"
Jack glanced back toward Kurt, embarrassed but defiant. "It was like I'd never been raped," he said baldly. Kurt would understand; he was one of the few people Jack had ever met who understood that trauma. "That night, we were . . . I'd never been so happy. It was like . . . like how it's supposed to be, you know? Fireworks. I wasn't scared, not once, we just-- it was perfect."
Silence fell between them for a few seconds, until Jack added bitterly, "And I can't stop thinkin' about it. I love her, mate, I love her, but I don't . . ." He shook his head a bit helplessly.