sirenspull_logs | This is the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay.

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This is the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay.

Who: Jack Kelly and Kurt Hummel
When: BACKDATED to during the day on March 29th before Kurt was mindfucked.
Where: A cafe gettin' lunch.
Summary: Jack has Gay Things he needs to talk about. Kurt is good at dealing with Gay Things. He's like the professor of Gay Things.
Warnings: Sexuality questioning? Not too much of a warning, but there you are.

It was crisp and cold, and Kurt wondered if Siren's Port would be seeing the sun anytime soon. He hated wearing sunscreen, sure (and he always had to before he even thought about going outside on a sunny day), but he was tired of the dreariness. It just made everything shitty more shitty, and he gave a long-suffering sigh as he ordered his midday coffee and lunch.

He found a quiet place near a window, curling up to eat his small sandwich and read a fashion magazine. It wasn't as though he really enjoyed solitude; he was just very equipped to dealing with it.

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Actually eating when he went out to cafes was still a novel idea to Jack, but one that he thoroughly enjoyed. Not that he didn't like his own cooking, but sometimes it was nice to have someone else do the work for you. Especially if said work meant a sandwich (an overpriced sandwich, he thought vaguely as he handed over his money) at the end.

Days out at a care usually meant reading a book, but Jack found an even better distraction as he turned.

"Oye!" he called, and strode over, slipping into the seat across his friend. "I didn't know you came here."

Caught off guard, Kurt looked up from his magazine to see that Jack had slid in across from him, wearing a grin and looking as rakish and charming as ever. Kurt would have appreciated his charm a bit more if he'd asked before sitting down, but it hardly mattered much.

"On lunch breaks occasionally," Kurt replied. It was difficult to tell he'd just stepped in from work, since he took care to wear coveralls at all times to protect his clothes, but there was some telltale grease underneath his fingernails. "What brings you here?"

"Just gettin' outta the house," he explained a bit breathlessly. It didn't occur to Jack that Kurt might not want to see him, or appreciate being left alone; who wouldn't want to see him? "Yorick and the rest o' the kids are gettin' on me nerves, y'know, and Sirius is still asleep, so.

"Readin' anythin' interestin'?" he added, glancing with vague interest at Kurt's magazine.

"The Canadian equivalent of Vogue, I suppose," Kurt replied, with a vague note of irritation; he missed his favorite magazine. "Looking for inspiration for new outfits, that sort of thing." He hardly thought Jack would be at all interested in that, so he changed the subject.

"How are things with you and Alice?" he asked, tilting his head a little. Jack seemed happy enough; hopefully things were going well.

"Brilliant," he said happily, resting his chin in one hand. "They're brilliant." Which was and wasn't a lie, exactly. Things were brilliant; Jack had never had a better girlfriend. She was kind and funny and caring and devoted; she understood him like no one else did. She was clever and brave and really, everything Jack had ever wanted in a girl.

There was just one thing missing.

But no sense in lingering over that. Kurt most likely had no interest in Jack's woes, sexual or otherwise; far better to lie.

"How's by you?" And Blaine, he silently added but didn't say.

"Fine," Kurt replied honestly. "Things are fine. I have plans tonight, so I'm looking forward to those." He didn't say date because he really didn't want questions, and he still wasn't 100% sure as to what he and Kanji were at that point.

Instead, he got up to get another coffee, and brought a fresh cup for Jack as well. He slid back into his seat, sighing. "I really wish the sun would come out," he stated. "I'm tired of all this rain."

"Aw, I always liked the rain," he protested gently, and sipped at his new cup. "Means better sellin'. And less crime, so there you go, that's two bonuses. Plus it's all romantic, y'know. Far better'n a hot sun."

"I suppose it is sort of romantic," murmured Kurt, eyes still fixed out the window. "Like that scene in The Notebook..." He sighed, feeling an odd pain in his heart as he looked back at his friend.

"You know, I'm so happy for you," he said with a soft smile. "You and Alice. I really believe in you two." And I'm jealous, too.

Despite himself, Jack found himself smiling a bit more gently at Kurt's words. It was a girlish emotion, silly and self-indulgent, but he couldn't help it; his heart soared a bit at the words. And it made his own minor problem seem all the stupider in comparison. Why should he care about things like sex or the lack thereof, when he had something so wonderful as this?

"Yeah," he said aloud. "Thanks. We, uh . . . Christ knows it was one hell o' a journey gettin' there."

"That's okay," said Kurt, a dreamy sort of look on his face. "You're together now, and happy, and that's what matters. Right?"

"Yeah," he said slowly. Jack hesitated for a moment, raking a hand through his hair-- and then leaned forward a bit conspiratorially. No one was around to hear them, but it felt right; it felt as if this was some terrible secret he needed to keep quiet about.

"Listen, Kurt-- can I tell you somethin'? I mean, just-- between us?"

Kurt blinked, rather caught off guard. "Certainly," he replied, his heart thumping a little faster just in case. He was well-trained to expect the worst, after all.

He rubbed the back of his neck. This was the sort of thing he told Sirius, typically-- but Sirius wouldn't understand, not about this. How could he? They had never seen eye-to-eye about sex; Sirius was far too casual about it-- and anyway, this was too tied up with Sirius; he couldn't confess all this to him. But Kurt-- Kurt, for some reason, seemed to have reservations about sex. He was smart, and removed from the situation-- he was perfect.

"It's . . . I love Alice," he began, meeting Kurt's eyes. He wanted to be sure the other boy understood; that this wasn't some desperate confession of lack of passion. "I love her more than anythin'. I'd die for her if I had to. She's . . . I can't wait to grow old with her. I've never loved someone so much before." A few seconds passed. He bit his thumbnail nervously. "But I-- Jesus, Kurt, I think I'm gonna go nuts if she and I don't do somethin' soon. Not just sex," he added, not wanting the other boy to think him crass. "Not-- it's not all about that. But . . . all we do is kiss, and-- Christ, we're both traumatized as hell, and I don't blame her, I mean, I don't wanna push her into nothin', but sometimes it feels like we'll never do anythin' but kiss. And--"

He hesitated again, this time more visibly. The tips of his ears went noticeably red, and he glared a little. "You can't tell nobody about this, all right? This is between us, us and us alone, what I'm about to tell you." He sighed irritably and glanced out the window. His ears had gone entirely red now, and he pushed a hand through his hair again. "There . . . in December last year, there was this curse. Before you came, obviously. And it . . . made you fall in love with whoever you were with." The flush had spread to his cheeks. "Well, me and Sirius, we go everywhere, don't we. And so we-- well, I mean--"

Jack glanced back toward Kurt, embarrassed but defiant. "It was like I'd never been raped," he said baldly. Kurt would understand; he was one of the few people Jack had ever met who understood that trauma. "That night, we were . . . I'd never been so happy. It was like . . . like how it's supposed to be, you know? Fireworks. I wasn't scared, not once, we just-- it was perfect."

Silence fell between them for a few seconds, until Jack added bitterly, "And I can't stop thinkin' about it. I love her, mate, I love her, but I don't . . ." He shook his head a bit helplessly.

There was only so long Kurt could pause after something like that, so he used the seconds wisely, thinking quickly about what he could--what he should say in reply to all of that. A part of him honestly felt sick, felt angry with Jack for echoing the same sentiments that had made him so uncomfortable with Blaine in the past. He wanted to shout Who cares about sex! You're fine without sex! Sex complicates everything! Go home to Alice and respect the hell out of her and take a cold shower right this instant!

He didn't, thankfully. "Jack," he said softly. "I think you might be a little conflicted. Have you spoken with either of them about this?"

Thank god. It was just the sort of stupid statement Jack needed. He threw Kurt a dry look, one eyebrow rising.

"What do you think?" he drawled, leaning back in the booth. "The mornin' after I moved out for a week, and when I came back we didn't talk about it. And we ain't since then. Alice doesn't even know. As far as everyone's concerned, it didn't happen."

"Not about that," Kurt sighed, waving a hand. "With Alice, about your--needs." He shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.

Needs. What a way to put it. Jack nearly snorted, bitterly amused by both his and Kurt's clear awkwardness with the subject. Sex, just say it, he ordered himself coldly, but didn't say the word aloud.

"No," he said, shrugging. "We tried once, a bit, and she got uncomfortable and I told her we didn't have to do anythin' she don't wanna. And we don't." He glanced at Kurt. "The last thin' I wanna do is push her into it. But . . ."

"Well," said Kurt, beginning to relax. He'd initially felt defensive, but he always became prickly when it came to his own insecurities. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself that he and Jack were largely on the same page, and that he needed to be a friend here.

"I...won't delve into any graphic details," he began, "but I had...many reservations about sex as well. At first. As you know. And Blaine understood and respected that, but-- Honestly, I felt like I needed to be pushed a little after a while. Not--aggressively, no, nothing of the sort--but gently and slowly. I can't say that I'm completely over every reservation I've had, but I'm much more comfortable now."

He shifted a little, getting more comfortable. "Everything is scarier when it doesn't have a face. But if you confront the topic and speak frankly about it, it seems less threatening. And then it just isn't anymore."

He nodded, biting a little on his thumbnail as he listened. He had a point, maybe, Jack thought; talking about things usually helped. He and Alice were never ones for huge heart-to-hearts-- but no, that wasn't right, was it? They talked about things. They'd shared things. They simply didn't do it traditionally. They did it in bits and pieces, slowly, over days and months.

And if they'd done that-- if they'd shared Edelweiss and Wonderland, their parents and siblings and fears and insecurities-- if Jack could share what had happened to him-- surely they could discuss sex as well.

"Yeah," he said aloud, feeling a little more hopeful. "I just hope--" He broke off, but now he smiled a little, wry and amused. "We're from the nineteenth century, Kurt, and she's older than me. And high class. They didn't talk about sex back then. This'll be . . . interestin'." But they would get through it. They would. Alice was many things, but she was no coward; they would confront this issue and tackle it together. Yeah. He smiled a little bit more, feeling hopeful.

"Thanks," Jack added, nodding at Kurt. "You're right. And after this-- I mean, I bet this whole thin' with Sirius'll go away for good." Thank god. Not for nothing, but it had been getting awkward lately with him.

"Um--about that," said Kurt, biting his lip a moment. "Do you--think you might have feelings for him? Sirius. Because... Jack, that's not the sort of thing you should never talk about."

"I-- no," he replied, throwing Kurt a baffled look. "Look, I told you, it was a curse-- magic, you know? And anyway, I'm marryin' Alice." I'm straight, was the rather blatant subtext there.

"But you just told me--" He sighed heavily. "No, you're right. It's fine. This is the sort of thing you work out for yourself, after all."

"You think I am? Look, Kurt, I've been with girls. I like girls. I know I do," he explained, leaning his weight against the table. "They're . . . I just do. Sirius . . . that was a great night-- it was fantastic-- but . . . I mean, it was just one night."

"I'm not quite sure how it was in the nineteenth century," said Kurt rather dryly, "But from my experience, most straight guys don't sleep with other straight guys and call it fantastic."

Edited 2012-04-06 06:12 (UTC)

He scowled at the other boy. "It was a curse," he said, emphasizing the word heavily. "If you'd been under it and hangin' out with Rachel, you'da slept with her. That's just how it worked. It doesn't mean I like other guys."

"If I'd slept with Rachel, and the curse wore off? I'd be horrified," said Kurt pointedly, with a small shudder to emphasize. "I wouldn't be talking about how great it was."

He sighed. "Look Jack, it's not up to me to declare your sexuality. I'm just saying, maybe you should think things over a bit. Evaluate how you feel about both Alice and Sirius. I mean, who knows? Maybe you're bisexual."

"Maybe I'm what?" he replied blankly, blinking. The word itself wasn't so hard to figure out, nor the meaning, but-- Christ. Just when he had homosexuality all figured out, just when he'd gotten enough therapy and had enough talks with Kurt to finally get over it, there was a whole 'nother sexuality to deal with. Of course there was.

Edited 2012-04-06 06:18 (UTC)

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This is the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay.

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OH BURN

JUST KEEPIN' IT REAL

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