sirenspull_logs | If I could only see...

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If I could only see...

Who: Eric Slingby & Alan Humphries
When: Backdated to April 30th, early morning
Where: Their apartment
Summary: Alan's finally mustered his courage up to talk to Eric about his chat with Didi a couple weeks back.
Warnings: None at present but that may change; To be determined.

It's been bugging him for weeks now but until a couple days ago it was easy to push aside. But he couldn't do that anymore, that was the grand epiphany he'd had while making tea; that he'd need to get it out of the way and come to understand that whole mess. He'd found Did absolutely endearing and delightful so he couldn't possibly see why Eric held such disdain for her.

So after fixing Eric's coffee he takes up his tea and moves back to the bed room, a contemplative expression on his face as he holds the mug close to his chest. It's really a now of never kind of thing so he'll move out of the door frame. "Eric, come on get up. I want to talk to you about something and there's hot coffee waiting on the table."

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She is our mother, the only one we might ever be able to claim in our lives but even a mother is helpless in the face of death. That doesn't mean she loves us any less or that she doesn't care when I die.

[He shifts crawling closer, reaching to touch his cheek. He is sorry for ruining this peace, this happiness and wonderful reprieve from the cruel truth but if he were to die he wouldn't want Eric to lash out; instead his wish would be that Eric find comfort with one of the only people who could understand the true depth of loss.]

She can't do that, Eric. Even those we extend that oh so rare longer life must meet an end. We are no different. This is my fate. It's my destiny, I've accepted that. Even if it's looming and always there it won't stop me from trying to stay with you as long as I can and fighting it as hard as I can.

[There are tears in his eyes and heaven help him he'd beg and plead with anyone to make it different but he knows better. He tried that - he's tried everything he knows of; begging, pleading, praying all for nothing. His throat works and he moves until he can tuck himself against Eric's chest.]

William, Grell and Didi will be there for you in the end. I want you to have the support you need, don't just write her off. Please, Eric. I need to know you'll be in good hands and well cared for.

Alan, I told her this but I didn't think I've have to tell you. We all die. We're not immortal and I except we'll all meet our end one way or another. I don't ask for you to live forever.

All I asked was for the thorns to be removed. So you could have your life like the rest of the shinigami. Nothing more. And she turned her back on you.

I know that but- She didn't put them on me. This isn't within her realm of control I'm not sure the real cause and with only a shoddy legend to go on I can't say why. But she didn't do this to me and she didn't forsake me.

There isn't any reason why I can't live a life as I am now. Humans have perfectly fine lives in their limited time, why can't I?

Yes, the thorns will kill me and they make certain things difficult but don't treat me like I'm already dead. There's so much I can still do, want to do. Let me do it with you at your side.

[Eric feels like his heart will break. He twines his fingers in Alan's and brings Alan's hand to his lips, kissing the back of it.]

We don't know how long you have... but humans don't know how long they have either. I want your life to be the best it can. I don't want to hurt you or to cause you grief.

But, I don't believe we have powers that she doesn't. She acts like a mother while talking about how she needs to follow the 'rules.' It's perverse.

So spend it with me. However long I'm allowed I want you there and I don't want you to hurt.

[His throat works and it's painful, like he's swallowing down something that's clawing at his throat.]

Like this, just like this. No fear, no regrets.

[He smiles sadly.] And I comfort the dying knowing I have to take them away from family and lovers. I act as a friend, a welcoming, caring, merciful being but I snatch them away from all they hold dear - isn't that perverse?

Even humans who grow to be quite old live such a short time compared to us. They're fragile, and their lives are short. That's what they are.

So, of course it's not perverse.

[He chuckles darkly.]

You're also not their mother.

[then, the first half of Alan's words dawn on him.]

Truly?

Well no but I'd never be a mother being a man.

[He can't help but be amused by this though after all it was funny.]

Absolutely. Would I lie about something like this? I'll always want you at my side.

Alan, that's not what I mean. I've never spared anyone... in my eighty years I never have. William is is too officiating and Grell's just plain mad.

If anyone was going to be the one to finally spare someone who would help the world, it would be you.

And she refuses to grant to you what you could and would grant to them.

[He takes a long, slow breath.]

Then I'll be here. Until your last breath I'll be right beside you. I promise.

Well neither have I.

[He sighs softly interlocking their fingers.]

I didn't ask her for it. I wouldn't ask her for it. I know that no matter what amount of time I have it will never be enough and I'll always - forever be wanting more.

[He leans in raining light little kisses on his cheeks and forehead.] Thank you that means the world to me.

[Eric leans into the kiss, letting his forehead rest against Alan's cheek. He takes a slow, deep breath.

'YOU mean the world to me, Alan."

But he doesn't find the voice to say it.

After a moment, he lifts up his head, looks Alan in the eye, and forces a wry smile.]

Your tea is cold.

[He's content like this holding Eric close, pressing close. When Eric lifts his head he draws back looking up at him silent for a moment.

And then the laughter bubbles up, slipping out merry and joyous.]

So it is. I'll just warm it in a bit.

[The laughter goes straight to Eric's soul. He smiles genuinely now. He strokes over Alan's cheek and kisses the tip of his nose.]

[It seemed so random and mundane after what they'd just talked about. He was glad they could share these kinds of things, these little moments. He wrapped his arms around Eric's neck sliding easily into his lap, smiling happily.]

You're really something.

That's good to know. I'd hate to be nothing.

[He cradles Alan on his lap, nuzzling his hair with his nose.]

Now that's impossible.

[He sighs nuzzling at his neck and shoulder.]

No matter what anyone says you'll always be something special to me.

[At these words, Eric falls silent again. The memories of his sins make him close his eyes, just breathing Alan in for a moment.]

No matter what?

No matter what. It doesn't matter what anyone says you'll always be someone precious and wonderful.

[He frowns a little worried. He gives him a reassuring squeeze.]

My mentor, my friend, my partner--

[He hesitates as shyness flares in his chest, then he's speaking softly in the quietest voice yet.]

There's so much more you are to me.

I don't deserve it.

[He presses Alan closer and kisses him on the lips.]

But I like hearing it.

You can't do that. You can't tell me who deserves my affection.

[He frowned and framed his face with his hands, kissing him back gently.]

I'll say it as many times as I need to, til you believe it.

I can if that person is me, can't I?

[He sighs.]

But I wont' argue with cold coffee.

[He tries to laugh again.]

Afraid not.

[He shrugs slightly.]

I don't see the point in that even if it was a bit of a waste.

You're the one who started all this serious talk. You can heat it up. I'm staying in bed!

[He huffs softly before moving to slide from his arms and the bed.]

Lazy. That's exactly what you are.

[But it's all playful, teasing scolding said with the warmest smile and most affectionate tone.]

[Eric hears the warmth in the scold, and loves every second of it.]

You could get in with me, you know.

[He winks.]

[Alan laughs before tilting his head considering it.]

Back in bed with you? Why would I do that?

[He just can't help it now that that weight is lifted he's feeling playful.]

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