Axel; Ⅷ; The Flurry of Dancing Flames (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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sirenspull_logs2012-08-17 06:17 am
got_it_memorized) wrote in sirenspull_logs2012-08-17 06:17 am
Hold on, hold on to yourself
Who: The Three Amigos
When: Friday 17August, midafternoon
Where: The lakeside beach
Summary: Axel's been holding off telling the kids something pretty important, and finally decides maybe he should just Nobody-up and be straight with them.
Warnings: Mentions of death and possible threats of violence on certain Keyblade wielders.
When Axel had promised to work on not keeping secrets anymore, this particular one hadn't quite factored into the equation. After all, Roxas had even said he didn't want to know about his future, but as time had gone on it had started to eat away at his insides, leaving him feeling sort of raw and hollow. Or, well... more hollow than usual, perhaps. He forgot most of the time that there was really no logical reason for him to be here at all because he was dead, but every once in a while something would remind him and a twinge of guilt would twist up in the pit of his stomach.
There was no telling how long they would be here, any of them. People disappeared from the port often and without warning, and Axel wondered sometimes if their days were numbered or if it was all random. He supposed it didn't really matter. All he knew was that he didn't want to disappear from this place with this secret still a secret from his best friends. If the truth came to light later, from someone else's mouth, that would be even worse. He knew Sora knew the truth, and while he trusted the boy to keep it to himself, Axel wasn't sure how many others knew. He was certain Xigbar and Xemnas knew, and hearing the truth from them would have been devastating, of that he was certain.
Somehow he was surprised it had remained a secret this long. Axel was all for pressing his luck, but maybe not so much when Roxas and Xion were involved. By some unexpected twist of good fortune, he'd been given that second chance he had never thought he would deserve, and wasting it by making the same stupid mistakes all over again wouldn't do at all.
He arrived at the lake before them, a little cooler slung over one shoulder with three ice cream bars inside. It was funny, the way such a small and simple old tradition had become something so important. He didn't expect the ice cream to soften the blow, but somehow he couldn't imagine trying to have this conversation without it as a buffer. Axel hadn't worn his coat for this--he had walked to the lake; he hadn't wanted to tell this story while wearing the Organization's garb, even useful as it was.
Sitting down on a toppled tree trunk, he kicked off his sneakers and buried his feet in the coarse sand of the lakeside, leaning back on his hands to wait for Roxas and Xion to arrive. They weren't going to like this story at all, but he wanted them to hear it from him, not from someone who would relish in the shock value of breaking the news. They said the truth didn't hurt unless it ought to, but Axel would have given just about anything to not have this story end the way he knew it did.
When: Friday 17August, midafternoon
Where: The lakeside beach
Summary: Axel's been holding off telling the kids something pretty important, and finally decides maybe he should just Nobody-up and be straight with them.
Warnings: Mentions of death and possible threats of violence on certain Keyblade wielders.
When Axel had promised to work on not keeping secrets anymore, this particular one hadn't quite factored into the equation. After all, Roxas had even said he didn't want to know about his future, but as time had gone on it had started to eat away at his insides, leaving him feeling sort of raw and hollow. Or, well... more hollow than usual, perhaps. He forgot most of the time that there was really no logical reason for him to be here at all because he was dead, but every once in a while something would remind him and a twinge of guilt would twist up in the pit of his stomach.
There was no telling how long they would be here, any of them. People disappeared from the port often and without warning, and Axel wondered sometimes if their days were numbered or if it was all random. He supposed it didn't really matter. All he knew was that he didn't want to disappear from this place with this secret still a secret from his best friends. If the truth came to light later, from someone else's mouth, that would be even worse. He knew Sora knew the truth, and while he trusted the boy to keep it to himself, Axel wasn't sure how many others knew. He was certain Xigbar and Xemnas knew, and hearing the truth from them would have been devastating, of that he was certain.
Somehow he was surprised it had remained a secret this long. Axel was all for pressing his luck, but maybe not so much when Roxas and Xion were involved. By some unexpected twist of good fortune, he'd been given that second chance he had never thought he would deserve, and wasting it by making the same stupid mistakes all over again wouldn't do at all.
He arrived at the lake before them, a little cooler slung over one shoulder with three ice cream bars inside. It was funny, the way such a small and simple old tradition had become something so important. He didn't expect the ice cream to soften the blow, but somehow he couldn't imagine trying to have this conversation without it as a buffer. Axel hadn't worn his coat for this--he had walked to the lake; he hadn't wanted to tell this story while wearing the Organization's garb, even useful as it was.
Sitting down on a toppled tree trunk, he kicked off his sneakers and buried his feet in the coarse sand of the lakeside, leaning back on his hands to wait for Roxas and Xion to arrive. They weren't going to like this story at all, but he wanted them to hear it from him, not from someone who would relish in the shock value of breaking the news. They said the truth didn't hurt unless it ought to, but Axel would have given just about anything to not have this story end the way he knew it did.
no subject
Axel hadn't died to save Sora. Axel hadn't died to save the worlds. Axel wasn't that generous.
Axel had died to save his best friend, trapped somewhere within the only person who could save the worlds. Selfishness notwithstanding, Axel's death had achieved something greater than the simple act of sacrificing his own life for that of someone more important, but he honestly didn't care. It wouldn't have mattered to him if the entire Light-damned universe had imploded in on itself, because a universe without his best friend wasn't a universe he wanted to exist in.
Giving Roxas a helpless smile, Axel shook his head.
"Come on, kiddo, you know I suck at Cure," he said, and cursed himself when his voice cracked. He cleared his throat to hide the tremor beneath it and rubbed the back of his neck again. "I think Sora knew there was nothing he could do," he said quietly. "Cure can't fix everything, you know; if it could, the world woulds would be pretty damn crowded. When somebody's spent everything they have, nothing can give that back."
He looked down at the sandy earth between his knees then, shifting to sit cross-legged on the ground. The truth was out, he'd achieved his goal... now all he had to do was figure out how to put the pieces of this picture he'd broken back together.
"I just didn't want you guys to hear it from someone else," he said, unable to meet their eyes suddenly. "Trust me, if we could have just lived here forever without you knowing, I'd have kept it to myself. It's not like I'm expecting to be praised for this uncharacteristic act of selflessness--I've got no illusions like that." Sacrifice was a selfless act by nature, but that didn't mean it was exempt from selfish motivations. "We're here, we're all fine, and that's more than I could have hoped for, but..." He looked up then, his bright eyes shadowed, haunted, and the uneasy smile on his face brittle like old paper. "Well, we can't have everything we want, and I figured it'd be easier to swallow the idea if I was the one telling you."
He folded his arms across his chest, but it wasn't in his usual defiant gesture of guardedness, it was because he suddenly felt more vulnerable than he could recall feeling in... longer than he could remember, actually. Gripping his upper arms as if fighting a chill that wanted to creep up his spine, Axel lowered his eyes again.
"I just... I don't want to lie to you guys anymore," he said quietly, "not ever again. Even if that means telling you something you don't want to hear." That was what had driven the wedge between them in the first place, after all.