The shoreline calls the sea for simple words and company

[pullsheavendown]

Who: Roxas and Sora
When: Not long after this log
Where: Crow's Head Beach
Summary: Roxas is a hypocrite, painful topics are finally brought up, and they fumble toward a new kind of acceptance.

It was funny, Roxas mused, that learning a single fact that wasn't actually anything new could change everything about how you viewed your life. Well, it was a big fact. Maybe that was what really made the difference. Knowing that Axel had died for his sake was a lot bigger than some other things he could imagine hearing about. A lot of things looked different now, even though it had been true all this time, and he wasn't the first to know.

And maybe that was what caused this awful roiling sensation in his belly, he thought as he wandered idly through Sector 3. After all, what else had really changed? As Axel had pointed out, it had already happened, and he was alive and fine here, and they all had a second chance now. It was difficult to mourn for someone who was standing right there, ready to ruffle your hair, call you silly and pass over an ice cream bar.

But others had known. Sora, specifically, had known. And maybe Roxas had asked not to hear details about his own future, but what about Axel's? After he'd opened up to Sora, given him his diary, and swallowed the humiliation and feeling of raw exposure when it had been stolen...nothing? Not a word?

He wasn't sure if this sensation was anger, betrayal, or just feeling really stupid. And it wasn't going away, not even after their group hug and promise at the lake. Not after taking some time to himself. He couldn't imagine swallowing it and pretending nothing was wrong the next time he saw Sora...so maybe he should face it and get it over with.

Pulling out his NV, he typed a quick text message.

Hey are you busy?
Meet me at Crow's Head if you can
-R

Well, that was that. Sora would come running if he possibly could, Roxas was sure. He just wished he knew what was likely to happen next.

Comments

[lockandkeyblade]

[Roxas' timing is just right. Sora's just arrived home from work.]

Sure. I can meet you there.

What's up?

[pullsheavendown]

[Convenient, that.]

Just wanted to talk to you about something.

[lockandkeyblade]

[Just a talk. He's probably not in trouble or anything, but it must be something important if he wants to meet in person to do it.]

All right. Be there soon.

[pullsheavendown]

Okay.

[He'll be there waiting when Sora arrives. He hasn't really moved at all since stepping through the corridor, just stood staring at the horizon a few meters from the waterline.]

[lockandkeyblade]

[Sora doesn't visit Crow's Head Beach all that often, what with that slightly uncomfortable pull in his chest beckoning him back to the heart of the city. He'd learned about Xion here and dealt with Kairi's first departure with Riku. Somehow, it's a place where truths to come to light.

He sees Roxas on the beach from a distance and makes his way towards the other. Spra approaches him from behind. Roxas looks distant. Distracted. Thoughtful.

He feels far away.]

Roxas. Hey.

[pullsheavendown]

[The pull is an ever-present force this close to the edge of the island, but Roxas doesn't mind. It's a tie to this world and the people in it. And it keeps him from drifting too far off.]

Hey.

Nice day, huh.

[lockandkeyblade]

[They're off to a casual start. Sora lets Roxas set the pace.

He'll step up beside the other to look at the horizon. To see what he's seeing.]

It is pretty nice out here.

Dunno why we don't come out here more often.

[pullsheavendown]

[Truthfully, Roxas is watching but not seeing much of anything. He imagines he can see somewhere else—a darker world, in between all the others, where white and black and fire mix until there's nothing left but ash.]

I don't know either. I guess I never thought about it before.

[lockandkeyblade]

[Sora glances at him. Wonders why the other has called him out. Wonders if something is amiss. The air around Roxas is more solemn, like he's carrying a heavy burden on his shoulders.]

What are you thinking about?

[pullsheavendown]

[He's quiet for one more long moment before he speaks.]

I'm thinking you were never going to tell me what happened to Axel.

[Finally, he turns to face Sora, his expression calm and composed.]

Were you.

/makes it worse

[lockandkeyblade]

Roxas.

[Cold dread jolts up his spine. He's instantly speechless, eyes bewildered as he stares at Roxas slack-jawed. It takes time to process what's been said.

It takes him even longer to find words, hapless searching for the right ones when there really aren't any. His mouth is dry. Guilt churns in his stomach.

He opens his mouth to say something, then pulls back, averting his gaze. What else can he say? It's true.]

I would've told you if I could...

/sob so much worse

[pullsheavendown]

[It's pretty obvious Sora had no idea this was coming. He might feel bad for him, but then he hadn't seen the tale of Axel's death coming, either.]

Really? Because I think you had more than a year to tell me. I was right here, the whole time.

[And quieter, now.]

I told you everything.

[lockandkeyblade]

[He can't decide whether it feels more like the ground's falling out from under him, or if someone's just reached inside his chest and given his heart a vicious jab.]

I know. [What happened to Xion. What happened in the Organization. The diary. Roxas had opened himself up, laid out the pages of his history for Sora to see.] And that means a lot to me-- more than anything.

I wanted to tell you. I really did!

[pullsheavendown]

Then you should have!

[He shouldn't feel this furious when he knows perfectly well that Sora would never have let Axel die if he'd been in a position to stop it. He shouldn't be able to feel furious at all. But he can, and he does.]

Were we the last ones to find out? Does everyone know? I didn't think you of all people would be keeping secrets from me!

[lockandkeyblade]

[Roxas' words cut to the core. He hasn't felt this bad this since he found out Roxas' return had been a forced one. That he'd never wanted come back to him at all. His heart aches in his chest.]

I wasn't trying to keep secrets.

... I was trying to keep a promise.

[pullsheavendown]

What kind of promise?

[His words are sharp, and he doesn't sound like he'll be very receptive to whatever the answer is. Truthfully, Roxas has a pretty good idea if he stops to think about it. That doesn't make it better.]

[lockandkeyblade]

When he came back to the Port, the three of you were finally together again. You and Xion were so happy... I've never seen you two smile so big.

[He lowers his gaze to the ground. It's no excuse, no excuse at all. But it's the truth, which is the most he can offer.]

What happened to him? It wasn't my story to tell.

If you deserved to hear it from anybody, it'd be from Axel.

[Not from the Organization, not from a stranger, and not from Sora.]

[pullsheavendown]

I did hear it from Axel. He told us everything.

[And this is when his stony mask begins to crack. He's still holding it together, barely, but if Sora looks up at him for more than a second, the deep reservoir of grief within him will be apparent. He hunches over for a moment before straightening and stiffening his back.]

But you still should have said something—or told him to sooner! But you let me walk around for months and months with no idea that you watched my best friend die!

[lockandkeyblade]

[It's happening. Just like he'd once been scared it might. Like a tapestry unraveling, coming apart right in front of him.

But one look at the Roxas, and it's less about Sora feeling guilty and more about how his Other is grieving. There are a very few things that Roxas holds as close to his heart as Axel and Xion. If Sora ever learned he'd never see Riku or Kairi again, it'd be the end of the world.

A promise is a promise. They're meant to be kept. At the time he and Axel had felt it was best for all of them, that all of them needed time, including Axel.

But he can't stand people getting hurt because of him.]

... I'm sorry.

[pullsheavendown]

[They're words he expected to hear. Less expected is the sick twist in his gut, or the way it's hard to meet Sora's contrite, mournful gaze.]

You should be.

Is that all you've been keeping quiet? Is there anything else I should know?

[lockandkeyblade]

[He'll take Roxas' anger if it makes him feel better, but the sense of trust that was there before is shaken. He doesn't want to lose that.]

No. It's not like that. I wasn't trying to keep it from you on purpose.

I even told Axel I wouldn't lie to you if you asked me.

It's just-

[The hesitation crops up suddenly.]

[pullsheavendown]

What?

[He seizes upon the hesitation. It's easier to stay upset than focusing on the regret.]

[lockandkeyblade]

Me and Axel met up and talked. That's when I made the promise. The two of us thought you and Xion weren't ready, that this was best for everybody. Xion's memories finally came back to him and you didn't want to know what happened in your future. He was gonna tell you. He just needed time.

[The anger Roxas is feeling isn't unjust, and Sora probably deserves every bit of it.] ... You're right. I really should have tried to get him to tell you sooner. But I wouldn't lie to you, or keep it from you just because I could. Not about this. The last thing I'd wanna do is hurt you.

[He takes care in these last words. He means it more than he can say.] You gotta believe me. We'd come so far. You're my friend, Roxas.

1/2

[pullsheavendown]

I guess I should be used to people making decisions about what's best for me for me by now.

[For a few seconds, it seems like Sora's words haven't gotten through to him at all. Like that old wall is back up between them after months of being chipped away.]

[pullsheavendown]

[But then he turns abruptly, stooping down to grab a stray stone on the ground and hurling it out into the ocean before sinking into a crouch.]

I hate this. It's not supposed to be this way.