sirenspull_logs | If ever I should become a burden to you, do not hesitate to cut ties with me.

[Most days, a cigarette is all it takes to calm his nerves. Today, however, it takes at least three before he feels his anxiety start to calm and the sickening feeling in his stomach fade. Not because he's afraid that he won't be able to perform the task; on the contrary he's done it here once before. He knows it'll be okay. His own abilities aren't what concerns him about this undertaking.

It's the thought of he, a person so weak and generally useless, could render a man strong enough to wield the Mad Hatter to vulnerable.

The first time it was under far different circumstances. The seal hadn't lasted long, and it had taken place while Break had temporarily become a creature in the darkness. He hadn't been human at all. He hadn't had to live with emptiness afterwards, his Chain's voice suddenly quieting in his head. It wouldn't be gone, but it would be suppressed. Gil lost Raven once here...he knows that emptiness all too well.

It isn't cold tonight, but he shivers anyway.

There's no need to ask Break if he's certain. They've waited until tonight, after all, and he's still standing so resolutely before him. Gil lets his shoulders hunch forward as he turns and calls out for Break to follow him.]

The ballroom.

[There's no space there, in case something goes wrong. They can't risk being out this close to sirens, and he meets with resistance from the Hatter, there could potentially be a mess.]

[ Break had been thinking along similar lines; though unlike Gilbert, he is somewhat less concerned by the prospect of breaking up housekeeping. He follows along, whistling tunelessly in a manner that's on purpose to annoy. Presently they push through a set of elaborate double doors.

Break knows the manor well, having spent weeks prowling through it, thus he's reasonably certain where they are. But, just to make sure, he twirls his cane through his fingertips and raps the tip of it on the floor. The noise reverberates, echoing loudly. This is clearly a large, unfurnished room with high ceilings.

He had actually dressed for dinner this evening, like a good nineteenth-century gentleman should, with white tie and tails (though his hair is loose; there's no one to pin it for him). So he looks the part of a party guest when he bows, low and sweeping, and extends his white-gloved hand. ]

Mister Raven. May I have this dance?

[His first instinct, as he turns around to face Break, is to slap that stupid hand away and scream in his face. To accuse him of not taking any of this seriously enough, not considering just what he's giving up. But he's felt Break's decay, the strain of two Chains on a body that wasn't supposed to live another year. He recalls the Hatter's cynical laughter, its threatening dark engulfment.

He doesn't fear facing it again.

Once more he hesitates, stares at that outstretched hand and the empty unused space around them briefly before reaching out and, instead of slapping the hand away, takes it tightly enough to guide Break forward another few steps.]

Kneel down here. [He holds on in case Break needs help getting to his knees.]

[ Kneel? Kneel? Gilbert can't be serious. Break is about to refuse-- ]

Haaaaa~! Ha! Ha! HA!

[ Clutching Gilbert's hand tightly, Break touches his other hand to his chest, and sinks to his knees. He has no choice in the matter. ]

He's awaaaake~~!

Ah, he's all aflutter. Ohohohohoh! Like a maiden at her debut! ☆ He's never been properly introduced to this dark, feathery stranger, but oh~! He's entranced!

[ The chains are the first to take form, crisscrossing and spiraling out from Break's body. Soon a dark shadow appears, resolving into a hat. Finally, the great eye blinks open, livid and glowing red. ]

He's written his name on your dance card, Mister Raven. There's no getting out of it now!

[He's yanked forward a little as Break does as instructed, half-hunched over and feet awkwardly tripped up in front of him as he watched the Chain materialize around him. Instantly Raven feels threatened, and he feels the great Chain stir within him. The Hatter is as frightening as ever, a Chain that only exists to kill other Chains, but Raven doesn't seem to fear it. If only Gilbert could encourage himself to be so courageous.

He grits his teeth and reaches out to put his other hand on Break's head, calling Raven to the surface. There's only a smattering of large, dark black feathers so far; the Chain itself stays hidden from sight otherwise.]

Break! Calm it down a bit!

Ha-ah!

[ No dice. ]

C-can't. He's a bit put out, you see.

[ Furious, actually. Willingly arranging for one's chain's powers to be sealed isn't the same as rejecting it outright, but from Hatter's point of view, it's close enough.

Hatter rises towards the ballroom ceiling, his great black cloak unfurling all around them in a sudden, inexplicable breeze. The chandeliers rattle and drop their prisms: crystal rain shatters on the floor. The lights go out. Now the only source of illumination is the glow of Hatter's eye; and the blood-red twilight sky in the windows.

Also - there's a voice. It exists on the edge of hearing, all sibilants and percussives. ]

Don't listen to it. Don't listen, all right?

[ Break's head nods forwards, into Gilbert's left hand.

The worst thing about Mad Hatter is neither his appearance nor his purpose. The very worst thing is his voice. Generally, only Break can hear it. He sleeps restlessly and short, in part because Hatter likes to wake him up with his whispers. Right now, he is raving softly in inchoate rage.

Hatter is pure nihilism. Death leaves a body behind; destruction leaves debris. Something to remember, grieve over, or rebuild. But Hatter reduces its prey to dust, simply negating its existence. So this is what Hatter tells anyone who listens: your life is pointless, your work is useless, the experiences of your life are without meaning or purpose. It's best to simply die.

It's testament to Break's state of mind that when he first formed his contract, he had difficulty distinguishing Hatter's inner voice from his own. ]

[Raven's voice had always been cold and cruel, mocking but wise. Until his most recent contractor, the Chain had always belonged to the person inheriting the title of Glen Baskerville; a person who had been worthy to take on the burden of the entire Abyss. You are qualified, the Chain had told him. Gil had never questioned why, never questioned the last two times that he'd come in contact with the Chain that he only recalls seeing once before. Demanding answers wouldn't free him. The contract bound in blood and sealed within his left hand had never felt like it didn't suit him.

He doesn't doubt his ability to call on that Chain now and overpower the out of control Hatter, but he still fears the toll that it may take on Break's body.

Though, with glass shattering next to him and the lights going out to give way for that giant, overpowering red eye, he lets go of Break's hand and head and takes a step back, reaching up to brace his eyes from the wind. There's no choice, then.]

Raven!

[The large black wings engulf and shadow whatever light is left in the room, thick metal chains shooting out to coil around the huge bird and land protectively at Gilbert's feet. He brings those hands back up to cover his ears, blocking the Hatter's voice. Beneath their feet, a large, ornate circle forged in the leftover powers of the Abyss appears and glows beneath them, attempting to freeze Break's body in place and pull the Mad Hatter into its dark, sealed oblivion.]

[ Break would collapse, when Gilbert draws his hands away, were it not for the effects of the restriction field. It holds his body upright; but it can't keep him from coughing. Red blood spatters, down his chin and onto the marble ballroom floor. He had had some idea of opposing Gilbert, testing him, at the beginning of this exercise; but he realizes now that this is folly. His body is too broken, even to try. Even his mind is exhausted.

Mad Hatter is a chain with the potential to negate everything related to the Abyss. But he's too mad and too chaotic to effectively focus his destructive force on his own. Thus his strength - and his principal weakness - lies in his contractor's will. ]

[ Now, in the absence of direction, Hatter is just raging, setting Break's body on fire, filling his mind with lunatic ravings, striking out, tearing him apart, consuming him, negating everything. Break giggles, still spitting blood, at the pointless hilarity of it all. ]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[ What had he been trying to prove, anyway? Did he really imagine that he could escape his doom? That anyone could help take on his burdens? That he could put off his fate, even for a little while?

He's going to die, and possibly take Gilbert with him. And Oz and Alice, too, when the seal on B. Rabbit releases. This was a terrible idea, he should never have asked, he'd tell Gilbert to stop, except he can't stop laughing, and what does it matter anyway? He's past forgiveness. A few more crimes, a few more failures hardly matter. ]

Edited 2012-09-01 20:18 (UTC)

--ha?

[ It's… it's quiet, all of a sudden. Break can still hear the beating of wings and clink of chains - that's Raven. But the voice whispering in his ears for years has gone silent. ]

[With his hands cupping his ears the additional, thick white noise makes his eardrums ache, and it does little to block the sound of Break's crazed laughter or his coughing. But it's that muted sound that makes him grit his teeth together and ignore the exhaustion seeping into his muscles, forcing him to sweat under Raven's influence. This is why he's doing it, so that for just a little while, Break might find some sort of weakened peace. There won't be any excuses to fight, no reason for him to play the One Man Show. Gil won't have to worry about him rushing out into the fray, or attempt to fight the creatures of the darkness just for kicks.

He won't have to worry...

But he also won't feel Break at his back, protecting him in the moments when he needs him either.

No, he won't need him. He won't put that burden on him any longer. Now, for his sake, he'll take that burden onto himself.]

[Despite feeling lightheaded and winded, he still smiles as he drops his hands back to his sides. I really am so simple.]

[The seal won't take much longer to finish. His left hand burns as he steps forward and places it back on Break's head, making the connection between himself and his superior, Chain to Chain, madness and wisdom. Raven roars, and the windows behind them, sealed from the effects of the darkness, rattle loudly.

But as soon as it's complete, the black winged Chain slowly begins to retreat and fade, leaving only a few long dark feathers in its wake. Gilbert gasps loudly in pain as he feels his hand burn worse. B. Rabbit may have been a stronger Chain than the Hatter, but the latter is far less sorrowful and worlds more unhinged. It hurts.]

[ He hears Gilbert cry out, but it seems very far away...

This is the moment where, ordinarily, Break would pass out, overwhelmed by his Chain's strain on his body. But - he doesn't. He's exhausted and in agony, but still conscious. He can still feel his contract; but the crushing weight of it has vanished. He'd grown so used to being dragged down. Now he feels light as air. ]

Gilbert.

[ There is no part of this, he realizes, that can be chalked up to mutual self-interest. Gilbert has willingly helped him, taken on this heavy, painful burden, and for what? Why?

Sharon, too, has always wanted to stand beside him and help him. She was kidnapped and poisoned for it. And Reim… poor Reim...

Alas, what a waste! ]

Gilbert. That was… an impressive display. Hmm, well, I might have underestimated you.

[ No one else should suffer, for his sake. ]

But - this was just an exercise. I simply wanted to test your powers. Release the seal now, if you please.

[He's sure he's misheard.

Break has sent him on missions without important information, admitted outright that he doubted his abilities to contract with the Raven, teased him countless times took every opportunity possible to make him feel about about two inches tall, but going this far? The floor is still littered with glass, furniture turned on end, and the seal is still burning.

For a test? He's not a child anymore! He's proven himself a thousand times over in the last ten (no, twelve) years and even now Break still stands in front of him and tells him that he can't be trusted. That he doesn't think him capable of strength.

And maybe he's right, Gil thinks. Because right now he can't voice a single one of these thoughts. He stares at Break another long moment, still gasping for air, and then collapses forward onto his knees, fists clenched as he throws his weight on them so that he doesn't land on his face.]

Gilbert!

[ Gilbert typically complains of exhaustion after using Raven; and afterwards, whiles away an afternoon on the sofa, sleeping. But Break has never heard him pant like that, never felt him collapse. He leaps to his feet--

(how easy it is to stand, how light he feels, with his own natural strength unburdened and unfettered by his Chain.)

--and seizes Gilbert's shoulder, pulling him up. ]

Don't be ridiculous! If you try to maintain a seal on two Chains, you'll lose them both.

Remember your priorities!

Shut up!

[He snaps so loudly that nearly chokes on his own voice. He'd do whatever it took to maintain both seals, against the Pull, against his own incompetence, none of it mattered. B Rabbit's seal was still in place, but Oz had no need for it any longer. He can break it whenever he feels like it. But he and Gilbert have already talked about it; he's agreed not to use it under any circumstances that he can control while they're in this place. Gilbert alone would shoulder that burden, just like now.

He turns his body with all the strength he has left and tries to shake Break off of him.]

If you keep going like this you'll die! You finally ask me for help and now you - !

[ Gilbert still has enough strength to throw him off. Break staggers backwards, amazed - and furious. ]

S-so what? So what, I deserve it!

You've got to be cruel! You can't save everyone! Or you'll lose everyone!

That's what I've been trying to teach you for ten years!

AND YOU NEVER LISTEN!

[But this is cruel. If someone were to attack right now, if someone appeared on the network from home and called out for Break to save them from the depths of the darkness, he wouldn't be able to. He'll live a longer life cloaked in false security while Gilbert bears the burden of the Pull for both of them.

He staggers again, but he doesn't collapse this time.]

Shut up about that! You're an idiot if you think...that I'll let you keep hurting yourself...I know what I'm doing!

[ In spite of himself, in spite of his fury, Break feels good. He can feel life coursing through his veins. He's in pain, he's injured; but for the first time in years, he feels as if he might get better.

It's a feeling of elation; and crushing guilt.

Why?

He had worked so hard to keep Gilbert at a distance. Mock, belittle, and tease. And (for reasons Break himself still can't quite understand) to teach him what's important in life.

None of it has taken. None of it has made any difference. Ten years of work, wasted.

His shoulders slump. He is, for the moment, defeated. ]

If you make the same mistakes I did, Gilbert, you'll end up like me. Is that what you want?

[He doesn't have an answer. He still hasn't answered Break's last question: Is that thing that you need really Oz Vessalius? It's easy to just say that yes, of course it is, it always has been, but it wouldn't be the absolute truth. Gilbert has never had a problem bending the truth when it suited him, but it's one thing that he can't bring himself to say out loud. He's terrified of answering incorrectly, and the way that Break words this, he's terrified of it as well.

You should be sure to keep both of your eyes open...unless you want to end up like me.]

I don't have my answer yet...

[ You know what sort of life I lead. You have, quite literally, seen the world through my eyes. And you still can't answer?

Idiot! ]

Come on.

[ Break's voice is suddenly crisp. ]

You sound exhausted. You had better lie down, before you fall over.

[ It's no use arguing with Gilbert, when he's like this. Maybe a day or two of struggling to maintain two seals will help him make a more rational decision. ]

We'll discuss it in the morning, all right?

[He doesn't want to lie down. What he wants to do is step forward and punch Break in his stupid face. Let out his frustrations for all of the trouble he's caused over the years, the teasing, the mockery, the secrets, the many times that he's broken into his apartment and appeared beneath his bed or in his closet, the tests - so many damned tests! forcing him to be his left eye but never admitting that the right had lost its sight - ]

Ugh!

[He swings his arm outward, fist clenched, but he's so weak on his feet that he misses Break completely. He only stumbles forward and loses his balance, collapsing forward again right at Break's feet. He'll need a full night of sleep before he's ready for any more fist fights.]

[ In that syrupy sweet voice that he knows Gilbert hates: ]

I did warn yoooooooou~♪

[ He allows Gilbert to remain on the floor for a moment, sprawled and wallowing in indignity; then he squats down and loops one of Gilbert's arms over his shoulder. ]

Let's get up now, all right? One, two, three!

Ngh...

[He groans softly as he's brought back up to his feet, only half conscious as his head and hand both ache. He would have been able to recover better than this at home, he's sure, but the addition of the Pull is making it impossible.]

I don't want to be carried around...by you. [His words slur together.] It really is too depressing.

Ha! Ha! Ha! You're too big for piggy-back rides, alas.

[ Geez Gilbert, you really are wobbling. Going to have to put an arm around your waist, too, steady on! ]

Now keep your feet, if you please. Otherwise, I'm going to have to drag you.

[With the extra bracing he's able to pick his feet up a little more.]

I could always refuse to remove the seal.

[He mutters under his breath, sounding like he's mostly talking in his sleep.]

[ There's no point arguing when Gilbert is like this. The only thing that might get through to him is a good caning, however...

He's not going to do that right now. Save it for later, after the burden of the seals has begun to affect him. Gilbert always was one of those people who have got to learn things the hard way.

Instead - perhaps this is an opportunity. Gilbert is sleepy and exhausted: unguarded. If asked a question, he might just answer... ]

Why?

[ Break's voice is gentle, as if he were addressing a child. ]

Why would you do such a thing, hmmm?

Because I can't lose...

[He trails off without specifying what he means.]

If it's only me who has to hurt...then that's fine.

[ "Can't lose..."

Can't fail? No, that makes no sense. Gilbert thinks of himself as useless, failing is simply something he does, in his own mind at least.

Therefore he can't lose something. No - someone. ]

Who--

[ But the question dies on his lips. He knows the answer.

He's fairly certain Gilbert had tried to take a swing at him, just now. Gilbert can't stand him, he knows this, he's made sure of it over the years. Yet this is an extravagant act of friendship--

No.

It's an act of love. ]

You fool.

[ Despite his best efforts, Gilbert is yet another person willing to suffer for his sake. Not only that - but he is risking so much, in a vain attempt to avert the inevitable. Abandoning reason to cling to hope…

Break falters. The weight of crushing guilt and the sensation of failure is nearly as heavy as his now-sealed contract had been. He has to stop, leaning against a corridor wall, to catch his breath. ]

[When they stop, Gil slowly raises his head, blinks and turns his chin up as far as he can to try and catch sight of Break's face.]

Break? Are you all right?

[He asks, more concerned in his tone for his boss rather than for himself.]

All right?

All right?

[ What a question. A sudden surge of anger inflames him. ]

I feel like I'm going to throw up!

[ With this, he yanks on Gilbert's arm, half-carrying him, and continues down the hall, towards Gilbert's bedroom. ]

Did you drink again?

[It's the only explanation he can come up with at the moment.]

Did I--

[ All of a sudden, he recalls that awful night, when he'd wept in Gilbert's arms and told him... ]

Shut up. Shut up!

[ He kicks open the bedroom door and shoves, on purpose to hurl Gilbert's body across the bed. ]

[Whoa, gravity just disappeared.

But thankfully Break's aim is good enough that Gilbert manages to pitch forward and land face-first into his bed, arms flailing as he tries to balance himself needlessly.

He mutters some flustered words into his blankets, but gives up on trying to speak pretty fast. The bed feels nice...sleep would be...]

[ Break leans on his stick, breathing hard. A good caning - that's what Gilbert needs. That's the only thing that will get through his stupid, thick, useless--

Right. He'll do it. Later. Right now he's... tired.

As he leaves Gilbert's room, he realizes how quiet it is. No voices in his head, nothing scrabbling about in his chest. He doesn't feel lonely; nor is he bereft. It's more like nostalgia. For the first time in years, he can remember his life before contracts or Chains; when he'd been just a knight, nothing more.

Life had been so simple, until he'd made a mess of it. ]

If ever I should become a burden to you, do not hesitate to cut ties with me.

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