sirenspull_logs | I break the back of love for you.

Entry tags:

I break the back of love for you.

Who: Jesse Pinkman, Yosuke Hanamura, Jane Margolis
When: Afternoon of Monday, September 10
Where: Jesse's house
Summary: Once upon a time Jesse killed his girlfriend and then she came back to life.
Warnings: Drugs. Get used to it with this cast.

[The house is empty but not silent. Having successfully alienated two of the people he loves most, Jesse's alone with his music and his drugs. Some horrible dubstep is blaring from his speakers, wubwubwubing so hard that his oil burner is jumping up and down on the coffee table's surface. He already smoked the last of his blue from Mexico - the blue that Mr. White "fixed" for him, the blue he crushed underfoot in rage - so the rocks on the table are all glowing green. The toxic stuff that Jesse cooked himself with Joker's chemicals.

It's fucking him up, that stuff. He knew it would, which is why he let it sit hidden in his shed for so long, but the recipe sounded good at the time. It's not as fun in reality... or not when he's on his own and terrified, at least. It isn't cheering him up like it should. His ribs hurt from giggling and he had to turn the TV off because it was too funny and he was choking.

Jesse sinks back against the couch cushions, sucking in a deep breath. He just has to chill out. It's been hours. It should be wearing off. He just has to wait it out, stifling erratic laughter into his palm.]

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[The fact of the matter is, with Pinkman you can never really tell. Some days he's just hanging out and you can pop in and play videogames with him and things are fine. Other days, he'll point a gun at you or start shouting about whatever it is he's always so uptight about. You can really just never tell. At any rate, it isn't the kind of environment to just bring a girl with a concussion into. So, when they get there, Yosuke asks her to wait in the cab for a minute.]

[She's all worked up about it, it's pretty obvious. She's in love with the jerk too, the way all the good girls are. So she probably doesn't get it. She probably thinks Yosuke is the jerk, telling her to sit tight. But he's right, and he knows it. So he'll deal with that when it comes to it. She can just think that if she wants to, as long as she's safe from now on.]

[The fact that no one answers the door isn't a very reassuring sign. It's not like someone wouldn't have heard it -Yosuke is an excellent knocker. He's been accused of trying to wake the dead before. No, it's something else. The center point of his middle finger grazes the tip of his kunai, hidden but there, when he tries the knob. The door, it turns out, is unlocked.]

[Maybe it's just a party. That would explain the music, the unlocked door, all of that. But he still stays close to the wall, in an easy position to defend. He's only working with one arm right now, and he's got someone outside to protect. Eyes narrowed against the bleakness, he pokes his head around the corner.]

Hello? Pinkman?

[Jesse still doesn't hear him over the music. It's only when he pulls his hand away from his face that he sees Yosuke. And then he jumps to his feet, bangs his knees on the table, and nearly falls right over it. Luckily, he catches the edge of it and picks himself back up before too much damage is done.]

Jesus Christ.

[He walks over to the stereo to turn it off, glaring at Yosuke all the while.]

Lisbeth ain't home.

[Yosuke jumps a little when Jesse does, stance changing automatically. His hand hovers at his weapon again -too conspicuous, if Pinkman was a pro instead of an idiot he'd already be dead-but he drops it to his side after the first burst of adrenaline dies down a bit. The stance, he holds.]

What are you doing?

[Okay, so everything he knows about drugs he learned from TV and a dead friend. But he knows that the dude does them, and that doesn't look like table salt from where he's standing. The question was meant to be cold, authoritative, intimidating. Instead, it comes out squeaky and disgusted. It's pretty obvious that he has at least some idea.]

Uh, none of your business.

[There's a pause as he examines Yosuke from across the room. Yeah, he's been around enough trouble to know when someone's armed and waiting. He lets out an uncharacteristic giggle as he moves back over to the couch. Aftershocks of the green stuff.]

If you're gonna kill me, lemme smoke a bowl first.

[There's nothing reassuring about that at all. Yosuke gapes, from where he is, mouth actually hanging open for a moment with some unfinished thought. This is the guy none of the girls can keep their hands off? Some pathetic clown who thinks it would be pretty hilarious just to roll over and die, as long as he's high first? It's disgusting, and infuriating, and worse-what the hell is Yosuke supposed to tell Jane? She's been dying to see this guy. She came straight here instead of going to see a doctor about her head. There's no way he can let her see the dude like this.]

[He splutters indignantly, then stamps his foot, petulantly.]

Like hell I will! Go get in the shower or something, you look smelly. And you should make it a cold one. Where's the coffee? I think you really need some coffee...

I don't, and I ain't. I showered this morning, okay, so eat me.

[He doesn't actually move to smoke anything, though. He puts his feet up on the table, knocking over a few empty plastic cups.]

Why are you here?

It's not to kill you. Seriously, why would I bother?

[Even if it would be cool to be able to show Jesse what it feels like to be picked up and shaken. Besides, the guy could probably use it. Still, Yosuke keeps his distance. The one thing he's very sure about when it comes to drugs is that you shouldn't trust a junkie. Not even someone who doesn't seem crazy at the moment, because that can change.]

Look, maybe I should come back in the morning. Once that stuff gets out of your system...

[There's another one of those unsettling giggles.]

Start talking, yo. I turned off some sick beats just for this. You need money? You don't gotta rob me. How much you need? A thousand? Five?

What? No! ...And why would you give me money for not robbing you? That's just-just cooperative robbing! Which isn't a thing! But even if it was a thing I wouldn't be here to do that. I'm the good guy.

[That last part doesn't come out quite as certain as it used to, and something in his stomach sinks at the feeling. But he shakes his head, and rubs at his face with his good hand. No, this is important. They can argue about stupid shit later.]

Look, dude, I'm pretty sure you want your head on straight for this. You know? At least try the coffee if you don't want to do the shower yet, alright?

[Jesse finds that hilarious for some reason. He laughs for a good five seconds before the smile drops away from his face as abruptly as it came and he rubs at his forehead irritably.]

Just. Talk.

[Yosuke stares uncomfortably during the laughter. But he doesn't get actually nervous until Jesse speaks again. He hasn't known Jane long, but she's a little wrecked. She's sick, and hurt, and scared. It's only natural that he feels protective of her. It's understandable that he's a little wary of handing her over to Jesse when the dude is clearly hanging on a little looser than usual.]

I think I made a mistake. You said before-

[That whole thing about being clean is obviously a lie. Why had he believed it in the first place? Stupid, this is so stupid. He should know better. He could've avoided this situation. Damn it.]

Look, I think I should come back later.

[Jesse's lip curls back and he picks himself up again. He doesn't stumble this time. No, actually, he's walking straight and with purpose, right up to Yosuke.]

I was right, wasn't I? You came here to kill me. Yeah, alright, so get it over with. Lisbeth won't be home for hours, you know. You even got time to get rid of the body. Heh. Are you chickening out just 'cause I'm talking to you? 'cause it would be easier, right, if I just hadn't seen you coming. But I won't - I don't even got my gun on me.

[Yosuke's heart kicks up in a mad, fluttering mess when Jesse approaches. All his internal wires spark, every muscle seems to react. The fight or flight thing can't be true. It's obviously a total lie. Because inside his head he's just screaming GO, GET OUT, GO GO GO GET OUT at himself. His body, on the other hand, is still in that defensive stance. His traitor jaw is tensing up with the rest of him, making it harder to force a response out. His body wants to stay and fight. In spite of the fact that he loses every single time he's up against Jesse. Every. Single. Time.]

Seriously, why would I bother?

[It's not easy to say. Not because it's not true-it is true, he doesn't get what this weird obsession is about dying but killing Jesse wouldn't solve any of his problems at all. So why the hell does Jesse think it will?-but because he can't find the breath in his lungs for it. Because his tongue feels like lead, and his throat is dry. Why is everyone around here so freaking suicidal?]

You're just-I think you're-you know. High. You aren't thinking right. Right? So just...why don't you just calm down?

[Jesse isn't suicidal. He just wants to be right. He wants to be right about this, and then he wants to take whatever weapon Yosuke's hiding and show him how to really use it. And that's all the meth. That's why his teeth are chattering and his hands are shaking and he's giggling again. It's the meth and Joker's toxin running through his system.

- And if this were someone else, there wouldn't be a reason to look for. But this is Jesse, who does have a gentle heart underneath this, and who needs reasons for something like beating the shit out of a teenager, because it's not naturally his way.]

Yeah, so what, I'm high. But we're talking, ain't we? So tell me. If I'm wrong, then what is it? Why're you sneaking in here?

I wasn't sneaking. I said hello...you just didn't hear me. T-the music, you know?

[Crap, are his knees trembling? Just great. He tries to lock them, just until Jesse gets a grip. Showing weakness right now is a mistake. It's an invitation. It's the opposite of what he needs to diffuse the situation before Jesse does something loud -like kicking his ass maybe-and Jane runs in to see what's going on and maybe gets hurt. No, that definitely can't happen. He has to stop whatever this is and get out before then.]

Y-you're right. Money. I need money. And y'know you said you were rich, right? It's um. It's for the bar. Because I gave the money I had away a while ago and now I need it back. Fai-sama might be back one day and want his bar in one piece, right? So...so not a robbery just a-a loan. Just a loan. Alright? It's cool. Everything's cool.

- Oh.

[Just like that, the giggling switches off again. He hasn't actually found any of this amusing. At all.]

Jesus, you know, why didn't you just say so? I was about to kick your ass.

[No, wait, there's another giggle. But he shrugs it off and pulls out his wallet, tugging hundred bills out one by one.]

Uh... How much, again?

I don't know.

[Yosuke sinks down, his stupid knees giving out now that the immediate threat has passed. With his good palm on the floor and his legs bent and splayed that way he might as well be attempting a parody of an idol poster. A bead of sweat drips down from his hairline and almost silently hits the floor, splattering into a tiny pool. Okay, yeah. That was a little too close for comfort.]

[Jesse glances over to Yosuke, more curious than concerned about whatever's going on with him. Okay, that's weird. But whatever. Jesse chucks about $1500 onto the kid's head and drifts away, into the kitchen, to grab a beer.]

[The longer she sat in the cab the more sober she got, and the more sober she got the more Jane realized she'd just listened to a teenage boy telling her to sit tight. So it was inevitable that she finally muttered 'screw this' and promised the cab driver he'd he well compensated for waitong. They argued briefly over her lack of valuable to leave as insurance, but finally she slams out of the cab anyway, ignoring his colorful yelling.

She shoves open the front door and steps inside, schooling herself to look less irritated, although her head is throbbing and her mouth tastes like ancient pennies.]

I--

[She blinks at Yosuke on the floor and goes to pick him up, gently, and pushes him towards the door, because she knows this kind of mess and--yeah, it makes sense now.]

Where's Jesse? [She asks, quietly, herding Yosuke towards the door.] I've got this. Don't worry.

[For a moment, Yosuke is relieved. He gets up when Jane coaxes him to, glad that someone else has this, because he's in way over his head. But, no. Wait. That's not okay. He can't let Jane get anywhere near Jesse, not while the guy is still tripping out and acting crazy. He plants his feet, and catches the doorway with his good arm. Jane outweighs him by a little bit, but not much. And he's a man. She can't just shove him out the door that way. Nope, he's not going to let it go like this.]

No, wait! Uh. He's uh...sick. You should come back tomorrow, okay? Just in case it's dangerous. Contagious! I mean, with your head and all, you know? I'll make sure he sees a doctor. R-really. Just uh. Just go wait another minute, okay?

[Too late. Jesse's wandered back from the kitchen, already-half-empty beer bottle in hand. He stands there in the hall for a second, motionless and staring down at Yosuke and Jane.

Hallucinations. They're not typical when it comes to meth, but they happen when you've been up for days on end and you're already suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Jesse sees Jane. Often. Early in the mornings, out of the corner of his eye, next to him in bed. Sometimes he sees Lisbeth and mistakes her for Jane. Sometimes he's out at a club and he swears he just saw her disappear into the crowd. Jane's never left him.

She doesn't vanish when he blinks this time, though. He doesn't know what to make of that. He takes a step back, shakily setting his beer down on the counter so he doesn't drop it. It's the only sound to announce his presence, since he doesn't say anything yet.]

Yosuke...

[But Jane isn't looking at him anymore. She takes one shaky step towards Jesse, then another, tentative and delicate as a deer stepping into a clearing. She stops again, looking at Jesse with unguarded empathy in her brown eyes.]

I know what this is. Go home. We'll be fine.

[She softens her voice even more and walks right up to Jesse, reaching put for his hand.]

Hey, baby.

[Yosuke's eyes widen when Jesse comes back into the room, and he follows instinctively when Jane moves toward Jesse. Though he reaches a hand toward her he doesn't quite bring himself to try and stop her. Instead, he watches. Not Jane, but Jesse. Intent, alert, alarmed but not wishing to interfere. She'd wanted this so badly.]

[In fact, it's obvious now. They aren't just dating, they're in love. Real love, the good stuff. His stomach drops and his chest tightens, with the same familiar squeeze of jealousy that he's utterly used to by now. It still feels like a sucker punch every time, but his heart doesn't actually break until Jane tells him to leave, that she knows what's going on. Suddenly the fact that more than love is shared between the two is also obvious. He finally finds his voice, and it comes out traiterously squeaky.]

You lied! You didn't hit your head. You're -he's-both of you are high!

Edited (Wow I suck. Sorry.) 2012-09-17 02:20 (UTC)

[As far as Jesse's concerned, Yosuke isn't even there. Jane is all he sees in that moment. She touches him and he exhales sharply, as if shocked by electricity. It's never been that real when he's just imagining it. He looks down at his hand in hers, stares at their fingers entwined, then returns his wide-eyed gaze to her face.]

...Jane?

Long time no see?

[Her smile is fragile and pale, but it's warm all the same--until Yosuke bursts in with his belated realization and she glances back at him with sudden, ridiculous hurt. She doesn't owe him anything--except of course she does, and he's just a kid. He shouldn't be here. Jane looks stricken even as she goes to Jesse's side, squeezing his hand tight.]

Yeah. I lied. Thank you for everything, and I'll get your clothes back to you as soon as I have something else to wear. Now, please go. Do you really want to be here?

[No, he definitely doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to see their happy reunion, where Jesse gets the girl -again- and everyone is on drugs and they go make some crackbabies together happily ever after. Not really.]

[And he's so good at being told to take a hike by this point in his life that whatever he feels about it never makes it onto his face. Instead, he smiles. It's the fallback expression, the one that instantly slaps itself across his face when everything is fucked up beyond all belief. At this point he usually goes to get the manager. This time, he just goes.]

[He gets to his feet and shakes off the money Jesse threw at him, watching it drift down like a flock of lazy paper birds, whirling and chattering. It's a surreal experience, and it draws all of his focus, so he can't quite look up at Jane when he mumbles his goodbye.]

If you need anything, call. Even after dark. I'll come...

[Not that he expects to be heard, anyway. Whatever. This is almost the good ending, even if it makes him feel sick and sad. He tiptoes away and closes the door behind him, locking it this time.]

Edited 2012-09-19 03:20 (UTC)

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I break the back of love for you.

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