sirenspull_logs | Canon Update Klaine

Entry tags:

Canon Update Klaine

Who: Blaine and Kurt
When: Tuesday
Where: Starts in the baseball field, probably will move to the apartment.
Summary: The boys return from a horrible canon update.
Warnings: Brief, fleeting mention of drug use. Vomiting. Angst.

Blaine wobbled a bit on his feet when he appeared back in the baseball field. He had been back in Ohio, getting home from Glee, heart heavy with the disappointment and shame of the day. Finn had been there too, sitting in the choir room, had asked a question Blaine still didn't know the answer to. Why? Before he could really talk to the other boy though, the room was crowded and the excitement of the others had taken over. They had chosen to put on Grease as their show and for the first time, Blaine didn't feel excited over the possibility of the musical. He just found himself wanting to go home. Go home so that he could be totally alone. No Skype dates to look forward too now, nothing except his quiet room.

When he blinked against the sunlight, he wasn't in his room, he was outside in a baseball field. The memories were just there for him, settling into his mind as if they had never, ever left. The same with the ring on his finger. It still gleamed and shined as brilliant as the promise that had prompted it to settle there in the first place.

Blaine stumbled forward as he remembered dying, coming back, losing Kurt, getting back with him, the drugs...

He bent over, retching, and vomited on the grass. The Pull had always been disorienting and nauseating, but these memories over powered him, made him feel sick, even more when they mixed and mingled with the ones he had just earned back home.

Why? Why? Why?

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"Dinner's ready," Kurt said at last.

He managed to pile food on his plate but he couldn't think about eating it. Instead he just put their food on the table and sat down and just coached himself.

This was not going to impede his progress it was not it was not--

"It's just spaghetti. It's simple but it'll do, right?"

Blaine put on some clothes and came out to sit with him. He didn't really feel much like eating either. He stared at the plate after he sat down, jaw tight.

After a while he sighed and pushed forward to pick up his fork. "I should probably track down Tim. After Connor, this was not a good time for us to leave him. I hope he's okay."

Talking about Tim was easier than talking about them.

"Might as well," said Kurt lightly, sitting stiffly at his chair. He looked over at Blaine and sighed.

"Please eat," he said softly. "You're making it hard for me."

Blaine nodded and started to eat with one hand as he used his NV with the other. With his attention taken by the device, eating was easier to do. He didn't have to think too much about anything.

He did look up at Kurt after taking a bite though. "This is good. Thank you," he said softly before looking back down at the NV.

"You're welcome," said Kurt, and fell silent. He spent a few moments just sitting there, his eyes moving from his own plate to Blaine's, watching his boyfriend eat. Sighing, he took his fork in hand and prodded at his noodles, but couldn't find it in him to eat any.

He gave up. "Want to take a nap?" he whispered once Blaine had eaten most of his food.

Blaine frowned as he looked at Kurt's plate. "You're not going to eat?" he asked. They had been struggling with that, hadn't they? In this world, where cheating would never cross his mind and they had already dealt with so much. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Blaine," said Kurt in a small voice. "Don't pressure me. Please. Let's just lie down, okay?"

"Both of us?" Blaine asked as he thought about the last time they had been together in a bed the night after he had told Kurt what he had done. It had been awkward and miserable and it felt like it had been only a couple days ago.

It had been, just in another world and a different life.

"Whenever you're done," said Kurt. He moved his dishes to the counter and left them there, then moved into the bedroom. Once inside he drew the shades and curled up on the bed, willing his stomach to stop churning.

He thought about the last few days. It was strange, the way his pain had changed-- It had been so acute, so powerful and crippling, and then it had found itself buried under thick layers created by all his time spent in the Port. It didn't seem to matter, not after Yaha, the Shadow, Blaine's addiction, the Hunt-- It was this insignificant, petty little thing, and Kurt was more angry at Blaine for acknowledging it at all than the fact that he'd done it.

Back home, they'd been children. Even on his own, living in New York with a promising career ahead of him--he was still more a child than he could ever hope to be in the Port. This place had aged his soul, and now nothing else seemed to scare or hurt him anymore.

That was probably the worst thing about all of this.

Blaine cleaned up and replied to some people on his NV before he went into the room. He was thinking much the same as Kurt. He had been spending all of this time wasting his energy wishing he could go back home to be a kid again.

Being a kid was stupid, he was stupid. So very, very stupid that a few weeks of loneliness would drive him to do something so incredibly selfish. A part of him worried that he'd always been selfish, that he was always going to end hurting Kurt in some way.

When he got into the room he wasn't sure if Kurt was asleep. He moved to the bed and thought about taking his pillow to the couch.

Kurt lay with his back to Blaine for a while, just breathing, then slowly rolled onto his side. He edged closer to Blaine, moving into the other boy's arms.

Blaine was quiet as he put his arm around Kurt. It felt so good to have him there and a little bit of the weight that had been pressing down onto his chest lifted, just a bit.

"I'm... so stupid," he said after a moment, and he didn't mean just the cheating, he meant everything. "I wanted to go back there so badly, to be that person again... I don't want that anymore."

"I don't want to talk about it," said Kurt in a croaky voice, burying his face in Blaine's shirt. He thought Blaine was going to start talking about what had happened, because Blaine wanted to talk about everything.

"I'm sorry I slapped you," he muttered. "But you did deserve it."

"I know I did," Blaine agreed. "And I don't mean that. I'm talking about here. In this place. I've been so stupid."

"I don't know what you mean."

Kurt looked up, finding Blaine's eyes, concerned.

"Do you remember when you wanted us to move in together again?" Blaine asked. "How hesitant I was?"

"You were going through a rough time," Kurt agreed, but he remembered how hurt he'd felt. "It's understandable."

"No. I wanted to still be a kid," Blaine admitted. "I didn't want to have responsibility."

"I suppose," Kurt replied. "But you had every right to want that. Things move too quickly here."

He didn't say out loud just how relieved Blaine's words made him, though.

"No, I didn't," Blaine said after a moment, his voice raw with honesty. "I was scared. I'm always so scared. Even now, I'm terrified."

"It's only natural," Kurt said softly.

He didn't know why he was defending Blaine, when the other boy was basically apologizing to him for how crazy he'd been driving him for months. None of it made any kind of sense.

Blaine rubbed Kurt's back and arm lightly. He was quiet for a moment before answering. "It's going to be better," he said after a moment. "I promise."

"What do you mean?" asked Kurt, looking up at Blaine at last.

"I mean, there's no point in hanging on to who I am when I'm not here. What's important is what we have together here. We've gone through so much and accomplished so much..." He trailed of a bit, frowning. "I just... I want to stop pretending like we haven't."

"Okay," said Kurt slowly. He wasn't really sure what Blaine was getting at--but it was something other than doubt and self-hatred, and Kurt was glad for that. He took Blaine's hand and squeezed it lightly, encouraging.

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