Turning round and round, falling down and rising up

[beenwaitinglong]

Who: Diego and Maya
When: Backdated to last Thursday
Where: Casa del Coffee
Summary: Diego's in an odd mood and decides to --gasp-- talk about his feelings with Maya. Somebody call the papers!
Warnings: 80% chance of angst with scattered showers



[It's another one of those nights when Diego comes home a little later from work than usual. He never offers much of an explanation for it, though there's never much of a need to worry-- but today he comes in quietly, looking somber.

He greets Mir with a mild pat on the head, then drops his briefcase and coat in their usual places. Heading to his room, he doesn't say a word to announce he's home, just sits on his bed and starts untying his tie and shrugging off his vest.

Somehow, sessions with Seward leave him feeling heavier than ever.

He knows it's what he needs to be doing right now, knows that it's better for him in the long run. But god, how can anyone stand to wash up all the dredges of their most painful memories the way he has to every week? Seward manages to lead him in fairly casually, so he doesn't get his usual chance to filter out things that will hurt the way he does in conversation. Before he knows it, he's knee-deep in his own darkness again and it takes hours, if not days to snap out of it.

Tonight they talked about Mia. Talked about when he acted as her mentor, those bright days back before his life collapsed around him. He couldn't say much further than that, quite simply because he didn't know. He knew nothing but what he'd read about Mia and what she'd done while he was comatose-- and he'd gotten angry when Seward tried to push that far.

It was the furthest he'd ever gone. But now, how long was it going to take to be swallowed back down where he wanted to keep it?

He hears Maya shuffling around elsewhere in the apartment, but he still doesn't call to her.]

Comments

[acemedium]

[Maya doesn't spend all that much time at home anyway. Between all her duties (self-decided and otherwise), she keeps herself so busy there's very little downtime, and even less time to think. (It's better that way) So when he comes home later than normal, she doesn't ask for an explanation. Right now, she's throwing out the remains of her snack (since her samurai show was over), but when she hears him come in, she pokes out her head to greet him]

Mr. Armando!

[beenwaitinglong]

[It takes a moment for him even to process that she's called him, but he finally responds fairly lamely before he heads into his room.]

Evening, Maya.

[And his thoughts are still spinning in his head as he dresses down to a button-up shirt and slacks. He stands up and stares into the mirror on his wall, smoothing a hand through his hair and then tracing it around his jaw, feeling the scratch of his beard under his palm.

He's thinking about something.]

[acemedium]

[It's obvious he's got something on his mind. Nothing good, from the sounds of that lame reply. Maya debates prying, debates whether she should push it or try to distract him or just leave it alone entirely. In the meantime...]

How was your day? Did you have any exciting cases?

[beenwaitinglong]

[He replies as he continues to stare in the mirror. He's had it ever since he's been able to see again, obviously, but he never will get used to the way his face looks in this visor.]

It was fine. Nothing really interesting.

[In the kitchen, a clicking noise signifies the first of his timer coffee machines has gone off. Time for a cup.]

[acemedium]

[She glances over to the kitchen at the sound. Of course.]

That sucks! Can't you get anything exciting?

[beenwaitinglong]

Excitement's not always a good thing.

[Finally he comes out of the bedroom and heads for the kitchen to fetch his coffee. His lips are pursed in a mild, thoughtful frown.]

1/2

[acemedium]

Excitement is always a good thing, Mr. Armando!

[acemedium]

[Maya pauses at that expression, still debating.]

What's up with that serious face?

[beenwaitinglong]

[He doesn't answer until he's already got a cup of coffee poured out, and even the he stares at the surface of the drink for a moment.]

I'm not sure.

[He pauses for a sip of coffee, heedless of the hot temperature or the bitterness. She can't tell by the way his head is tilted, but he's watching her. Wondering.

He'd asked how long it would take for him to want to talk about the painful things that tormented him inside. Seward had told him that he would simply know when he was ready to talk about one thing or another. Bullshit, he'd believed, all these years of psychology and they can't even diagnose how much suffering a man would have to go through and how long it would take.

But Maya... would know, wouldn't she?

He steps out of the kitchen and goes to sit down at the table in the kitchenette with his coffee.]

[acemedium]

[The atmosphere is starting to get tense, and his long pauses are starting to worry her. She still isn't sure how much she should press, but...]

Mr. Armando?

[beenwaitinglong]

[He may not have heard her, judging from the way he doesn't reply for a long moment. Long enough for him to get halfway down his coffee mug.

Then he finally appears to snap out of it.]

Sorry, Maya. I'm just... thinking.

[acemedium]

[She's still keeping her voice light:]

Didn't seem like anything fun to think about.

[beenwaitinglong]

No. Not really.

[He cracks approximately half a smile, which fades quickly and looks forced. He doesn't say anything for another minute.]

Do you mind if I... ask you something?

[acemedium]

[She's about to do something, either distract him or.... well, she isn't quite sure, but that question stops her short.]

Um, sure. Hit me.

[beenwaitinglong]

[He waits again, trying to decide how to phrase it... and mentally vowing that if this question upsets her, he's going to change the subject at light speed.]

You and Mia. [Pause.] You were... close, weren't you?

1/2

[acemedium]

[Well. ... There's a pause here, because that's the last question she's ever she expected to hear from him. He's only ever had a bad reaction to mentioning Mia.]

[Further than that, there's a little pang-]

[acemedium]

[But then she's brightening right away. He wants to talk about Mia!]

Of course! Sis practically raised me. Even after she left the village, we still talked a lot... She even got me to hold onto evidence for her.

[beenwaitinglong]

[He smiles a little half-heartedly at her answer, quietly shuffling his fingers on his coffee cup. Yes... he knew that.]

So you kept in close contact with her.

[acemedium]

Uh huh. On the phone! And we'd always go out for burgers whenever I went to see her....

[beenwaitinglong]

[He nods, allowing a small smile to creep across his face. He knew they were close just in how Maya talked about her, mentioned seeing her so often even though Maya normally lived in Kurain.

So then, this wasn't all just a stupid question... and she seemed almost pleased to talk about her.

That still doesn't reassure him, and he knows she's probably wondering what this is all about. He swallows down a short breath of air, then tries his best to speak what's on his mind.]

I think of her often. I sometimes think... maybe I didn't really know her very well. It was... short.

[acemedium]

[She is. A part of her is hopeful this means he's getting better - that he's making progress with Mia and learning to forgive himself. She doesn't think she can help (how can she? she's useless), but as always-- she'll keep trying.]

[She tilts her head a little at that though. When they were dating... That was when they were chasing after Dahlia, wasn't it? Mia never told her she was dating him at the time... She really didn't know much about their relationship. Just....]

Sis can be pretty mysterious sometimes, but.... Quality over quantity, right? [That she got the saying right was a miracle in itself, but Maya cracks a small, tentative grin]

Maybe this calls for some testimony.

[beenwaitinglong]

[Mysterious. That was a good word for her. It makes him smile a bit, despite himself, and he glances away from her, almost looking embarrassed.]

I shouldn't need you to reassure me of anything. If I can't see it it's my own problem, right?

[acemedium]

....What do you mean, if you can't see it?

[beenwaitinglong]

[He waits a moment before answering.]

If I can't... tell. How she thought of me.

[acemedium]

[There's a little pause on her end. As much as she may not know the details between him and Mia, though, there is one thing she knows quite well:]

You were really important to her.

[beenwaitinglong]

[He's quiet for a long moment, holding his breath very briefly.]

How do you know?

OKAY FOR REAL

[acemedium]

I could tell, from the way she talked about you.

And plus... she didn't have anyone else after yuo.

[beenwaitinglong]

[They were such simple questions that he had, but questions that had torn at him for so long. Had she mourned for him all that time? Had she moved on? Did she hurt when she spoke of him, if she spoke of him at all?

Hearing that she did makes him feel almost weak inside.]

So she did talk about me. And she didn't...

[Well, now. There was a vital piece of information.]

She didn't have anyone else?