Mia Fey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chiefdefense) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sirenspull_logs2012-08-26 07:14 am
chiefdefense) wrote in sirenspull_logs2012-08-26 07:14 am
Entry tags:
This is how it feels When the trust you had is broken
Who: Diego Armando (beenwaitinglong) and Mia Fey (chiefdefense).
When: Evening on the 22nd, after this.
Where: Diego's apartment.
Summary: After Diego is taken ill, Mia learns exactly how much has been kept from her and she is not. Happy.
Warnings: Angst and heated words
[By the time Mia gets off the NV from Dr. Banner, she feels completely sick to her stomach and that same, dread sense of unease that she had hoped never to have to feel again in association with Diego. The news that he had had some sort of seizure on the train on his way home is so shockingly unexpected that it makes her head spin and suddenly she's 23 again, getting bad news from a stranger, but this time she has no explanation for it and she's not about to wait for one.
As soon as he gets home they're going to the emergency room, because healthy men do not suddenly collapse on trains and start fitting and she knows that with Maya and Phoenix gone, she absolutely cannot afford to lose Diego.
Not again.
To distract herself, she sets about petting Mir and listens out for the sound of Diego's key in the door.]
beenwaitinglong) and Mia Fey (chiefdefense).When: Evening on the 22nd, after this.
Where: Diego's apartment.
Summary: After Diego is taken ill, Mia learns exactly how much has been kept from her and she is not. Happy.
Warnings: Angst and heated words
[By the time Mia gets off the NV from Dr. Banner, she feels completely sick to her stomach and that same, dread sense of unease that she had hoped never to have to feel again in association with Diego. The news that he had had some sort of seizure on the train on his way home is so shockingly unexpected that it makes her head spin and suddenly she's 23 again, getting bad news from a stranger, but this time she has no explanation for it and she's not about to wait for one.
As soon as he gets home they're going to the emergency room, because healthy men do not suddenly collapse on trains and start fitting and she knows that with Maya and Phoenix gone, she absolutely cannot afford to lose Diego.
Not again.
To distract herself, she sets about petting Mir and listens out for the sound of Diego's key in the door.]
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[Aside from the part where she's right.]
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Except it is. This is a big deal, you can't keep people in the dark about it.
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[He doesn't mean to snap, but it comes out short and irritated.]
I'm a grown man. It's my problem to deal with.
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[She doesn't just mean it in the practical sense; the part where she was his medical proxy is rendered moot by him being no longer comatose, but the part where she's in love with this insufferable man and planning to spend as long as she can with him is still very relevant.]
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That's not what I meant. That didn't come out right.
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[She's trying to see what he's getting at here and trying to not fly off the handle, because it stings more than she thought it would that her concerns for his well-being apparently don't factor into anything.]
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[Not much better, but that is what he meant.]
You don't understand what this is like, Mia.
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[There is something very wrong about sitting there getting angry with his head in her lap, but she's just too dumbfounded by his selfishness to move.]
I don't even know what could be so terrible that you can't even tell me about why it's making you sick! Do you really think I'm that pathetic that I can't handle this?
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[He sighs again, unable to hide the frustration in his voice.]
I am. And it's humiliating.
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[Frustrated, she rakes her fingers through her own hair and tries another tack.]
Do you really think that anyone's opinion of you would change if they knew you were sick? It doesn't make you pathetic, hiding it is pathetic, Diego. That means you're not facing up to it.
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That, and he can tell this is not something he'll want her to see in his face.]
Everything changes when they know. Absolutely everything.
[Snatching the visor, it comes to life and he can see again, immediately looking more confident and less lost.]
It's bad enough the way they treat me when they find out I'm blind. How do you think people react when they find out I'm a goddamn invalid?
And don't you dare tell me I'm not facing up to it. I've had to face up to it from the moment I opened my eyes. There's not a day that goes by where I'm not facing up to it.
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[The words hit her like ice water and suddenly, just like that, she's angry.
People know and she didn't. He kept it from her, and he was doing it on purpose.
She is very proud of her self control that she's able to get her tone calm at this point.]
Who else knows Diego?
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My doctor knows. Re-l knows. Maya and Wright and Edgeworth knew. Jake knows.
[He closes his eyes beneath the visor and turns away from her again, facing the bedroom window and placing a hand on the sill.]
But only by necessity. Because it's hard to pretend everything's all right when they watch me almost die.
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[She is absolutely furious.]
I can't believe you'd willfully hide something like this from me, I asked you what was wrong the day I got here and you lied to me! You-
[She is so angry that she's shaking.]
I knew something was wrong, but silly me, I thought that whatever it was you would tell me when you were ready, but if it was only ever going to be out of necessity-
Damn it, I'm your girlfriend, isn't that necessity enough?
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His words still have fire to them, though more of desperation than anger.]
I was trying to protect you. I was trying to be the same man you loved back then. I didn't want you to treat me like the rest of them do, I didn't want you to worry every time you look at me!
Can't you understand why?
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Do you think I didn't know that you'd be different after you woke up? I had to sit there, for hours, as doctor after doctor told me what you would and would not be able to do if you ever woke up, and they never ever let me forget that it was an if, not a when. But you know what, it didn't matter because anything was a better alternative to being told that you were dead and that I needed to come and identify your body. Do you have any idea-
[And now she's crying, and she hates herself for this because now is not the time that she wants to look weak in front of him, but she's just that upset.]
Do you have any idea how much I hated people trying to candy coat things to make the bad news easier to swallow? You were alive, they'd already told me the worst and you came back. Anything they had to say after that was better so don't-
[She swallows and carries on.]
Don't you dare tell me you're protecting me. You're not. You're making this a hundred times worse by lying to me.
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He clutches his hand to his face again, as though he's going to cry, but the visor's in the way.]
And how do you think it's been for me?! How do you think it was to close my eyes one minute and wake up the next to find out I'm a goddamned anomaly of a medical statistic? To be reminded of it every morning when I open my eyes and I remember I can't see?
[He turns around finally, emotional enough again that he can disguise it as anger.]
You act like it should be easy for me to tell you! To admit it! To admit it to you that the man you loved turned into this! This... this pale, feeble, metal-faced freak.
[There is hatred in those words, bitter and dark, expertly laced in as though he's used to expressing it in them.]
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I don't care, I don't care if you're riddled with every damn affliction in the book, anything is better than having you dead and me not having any explanation for it! Do you really think it matters to me if you're sick, do you really think any of that makes a difference to how I feel about you? I have no idea what it feels like because you've not even given me an inkling of what you're going through, and now you're telling me all this like I'm supposed to know how hard this is for you? How hard do you think it is for me, Diego? Tell me. Do you think it's easy to listen to you calling yourself a metal-faced freak and hear that your body's breaking down? But you should have told me, you should have told me weeks ago. Anything is better than having you lie to me.
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She feels useless, she's watching him pull away from her and it hurts, because this time he's doing it willingly and it hurts her just as much as it did when it wasn't his fault and he was untouchable in a hospital bed.
Maybe it even hurts more.]
I can't do this. I just- what am I supposed to do here? You won't let me help, you won't tell me anything, what the hell is there here for me?
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What was here for her anymore? Where was the strong, confident man she fell in love with? Who was this stranger wearing his name and his skin? Wouldn't the man who loved her be able to trust her, to know she would still feel the same way, to offer his weaknesses to her without fear?
His arms wrap around his chest and his face lowers, the visor the only part she can see.]
I don't know.
[He shudders again, but the emotion is apparent in his voice as he gestures to himself.]
This.
[As though it is some sick, ugly thing. A burden to take on above anything else.]
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If you don't know then I guess I'm never going to.
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This is all his fault.
He keeps his head lowered, pressing his hand to the front of his visor. He can feel tears welling up in his eyes, and his chest shudders, a few more sobs choked down inside it.
He can't think of a damn thing to say.]
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Finally he pushes away from the wall and heads back over to the bed, sinking down on it, decisively facing away from her. His voice is shaking as he speaks.]
I've always been good at making you cry, haven't I?
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