sirenspull_logs | This is how it feels When the trust you had is broken

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This is how it feels When the trust you had is broken

Who: Diego Armando (

chiefdefense).
When: Evening on the 22nd, after this.
Where: Diego's apartment.
Summary: After Diego is taken ill, Mia learns exactly how much has been kept from her and she is not. Happy.
Warnings: Angst and heated words

[By the time Mia gets off the NV from Dr. Banner, she feels completely sick to her stomach and that same, dread sense of unease that she had hoped never to have to feel again in association with Diego. The news that he had had some sort of seizure on the train on his way home is so shockingly unexpected that it makes her head spin and suddenly she's 23 again, getting bad news from a stranger, but this time she has no explanation for it and she's not about to wait for one.

As soon as he gets home they're going to the emergency room, because healthy men do not suddenly collapse on trains and start fitting and she knows that with Maya and Phoenix gone, she absolutely cannot afford to lose Diego.

Not again.

To distract herself, she sets about petting Mir and listens out for the sound of Diego's key in the door.]

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I promise you I'm not going anywhere. I tried living without you and I hated it, do you really think I'd let you go when I've just got you back?

[She moves to kiss him, trying to put everything she wants to say into it, how she loves him, how she won't go for as long as she can help it, how she's sorry for everything, how he still takes her breath away even now he thinks he's weak and frail and not worth a dime of his former self.

She went to her grave loving him, she'd promise him forever if it was in her power to.]

[He laughs softly at that, one of his rare, genuine ones that are so unmistakable. He tilts his head to meet the kiss, and unlike all the others they've had so far, this one is more open, like a physical extension of finally letting her into his new life.

How did he ever wake up every morning without her?]

[Her lips curve beneath his into a smile as she hears that, kissing him with all she has until she has to break for breath, her cheeks flushed, but she doesn't let go of him.

She's half draped over his chest and she steals a quick peck of his lips.]

One last question...

[She's a little breathless, and she laughs when she hears herself.]

[It's a wonderful breathlessness at least. It feels to him like time has sped up around them and they have to struggle to catch back up again. His fingers toy with a handful of her hair and he laughs too, at her reaction.]

Just one?

For now.

[She kisses the tip of his nose, his lips briefly, and then her cheeks colour involuntarily at the prospect of asking this.]

Is... the reason why we haven't slept together because you didn't want to or because...?

[She doesn't want to finish with 'you can't', but it's a possibility, and right now, feeling his breath against her skin and his body beneath hers, she's very, very aware of just how long it's been and how much she she still wants him after five years of abstaining and a month of very reserved- and frustrating- petting and embraces.]

[He pauses for a moment-- an awkward moment where she might be afraid she insulted him. But then he laughs, sheepishly, brushing her hair back out of her eyes.]

No, no. I can. I just...

I guess I was afraid to show you everything. [And he didn't imagine it'd be very sexy for her to open his shirt and see that thing on his chest.]

And I don't think I'm as fit as I used to be anymore.

[She hopes that the relief she feels isn't visible on her face when he answers and doesn't seem to be offended by her question, and she laughs sheepishly with him.]

Well, I think that makes two of us; I'm out of practice myself.

[She smiles and kisses his jaw, brushing her palms over his chest as she does.]

For the record, I've not seen anything that's going to scare me off.

[It is a funny question. It does make him laugh. He clasps his hand over the back of hers, holding on as she moves it over his chest.]

Well, that's good news for me. If the visor doesn't put you off, nothing will.

Hmm...

[One hand pauses over the top button of his shirt, her finger and thumb toying with it.

The visor has been a lot to get used to; she misses his eyes, and at times his face is hard to read, but if he can see then it's a small price to pay. She wishes it wasn't so cumbersome, but that's not the point.]

You really need to give me more credit than that.

[He smiles a little wearily- somehow that's apparent even with the visor in the way.]

It's not you I give no credit to.

Then maybe you need to give yourself some.

[She takes her hand from his chest and brushes her knuckles against his cheek.]

You're still far too good looking for your own good.

Hm. [He smiles at the compliment, nudging his face against her knuckles.]

Aren't you a little biased?

[She smiles back.]

We're having a moment here, don't call my integrity into question.

[She kisses the tip of his nose.]

Biased or not, it doesn't mean it's not true.

Ha...!

[He leans in close for that kiss, nuzzling his face against hers. It's a little difficult with the visor in the way, careful to avoid bonking her with it.]

I guess you'd be the one to know for sure, huh?

[It is at times like this that she really finds the visor a nuisance to work around, because as she returns that nuzzle she can't help but knock her nose against metal. Oh well.]

Are you doubting my word now, Mr. Armando?

[He frowns vaguely, since he can feel that bump.]

No. Promise.

[Then he decides to take care of the problem, reaching up and sliding the visor out of place. The lights flicker off and he removes it, setting it off to the side of him. This is among the first times he's been comfortable simply taking it off around her. He hates the vulnerable feeling he gets when he's blind.

Leaning in, he nuzzles her a little more easily this time.]

I'd give anything to be able to look into your eyes again.

I'd give anything to give that to you.

[She kisses him softly on the forehead, then brushes her thumb over his cheek. It's a bittersweet desire, one that she wishes she could help him with but it's entirely beyond her power to grant him that.

Maybe someday... maybe there'll be a doctor who comes up with some amazing new medicine that will help him. Until that day comes, they're just going to have to make do and improvise with what they have.]

But you know, they haven't changed. They're still the same as you remember. And if there's anything you can't see here-

[She kisses his forehead again.]

-then I'll see it for you.

You can see all the colors for me.

[His blind eyes have a milky color to them, the formerly brown irises drained of pigment and left glazed-over and unfocused. He closes them and leans into the kiss and the touch, resting his weary body mostly in her arms.]

I still remember their color perfectly. Brown- deep, rich brown, like a perfect cup of coffee.

[Mia can't help but laugh at that, even as she holds him in her arms. He's being perfectly sincere, and perfectly him for that matter, but it still tickles her nonetheless.]

Only you could use a coffee analogy like that and get away with it.

I know. [He laughs under his breath, then goes quiet for a few long moments.

He's happy enough just to touch her, to smooth his hand over her shoulder as she lets him rest in her arms. He wants to let the silence carry on, but there are words he wants to say. Words he needs to get out while he wants them heard.]

I'm sorry, Mia.

You better be, you vain, arrogant ass.

[There's no malice in her words, only gentle teasing. It's nothing she hasn't called him before. She shifts a little so they're both more comfortable laying on the bed. She lets the silence linger for a little longer, taking the time to examine his face while she can. She's missed it, missed the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs.

She sighs. Some things about him will never change, no matter how much he may protest that he's a different man. For that she's glad.]

I'm sorry too. I'll try to be better at understanding from now on.

[He laughs at her reply, shaking his head.]

I'm sorry I went to that meeting. I'm sorry I left you, I- I'm sorry I lied to you.

[He goes quiet after that, and it's apparent he's fighting back to keep from showing too much emotion. He wishes, briefly, that his visor was still on to cover his eyes and their suddenly glistening appearance.]

I love you so much. I hate that I hurt you.

[Mia watches him fight to keep his face neutral and it hurts her to see him agonising over this, over all these things that she had already decided to forgive him for a long time ago. Of course she had been angry, and of course it hadn't been fair of her to dredge all that ugly stuff up with their fight yesterday, but she'd been scared and angry and all the old insecurities over the past had come spewing out in an angry tirade.

No, Diego wasn't the same man she'd fallen in love with anymore. She could never have imagined seeing him carry such sadness around his eyes now, and she suspected she knew exactly how that had come to be there too. Knowing that hurt her too. It didn't matter though, all of the scars that they bore, both visible and the deeper, more painful ones that didn't mar their skins, they didn't matter to her.]

Ssh...

[She cups his cheek and kisses him softly on the lips.]

We're both as bad as each other, and that's not really something I want to dwell on. It doesn't do anyone any good.

And I love you too, just so you know.

[Part of him feels guilty because he knows he still hasn't been completely honest with her. He knows there is a dark, pitch-black part of his past in the last few years that he can't bring himself to poison her with. He knows that the thought that she was responsible for it would hurt her worse than ever.

But maybe now that she's here, now that they're together, maybe they can forget it. Maybe the past will finally stay buried and he can work on being him again- the man she fell in love with, the one who was still worth her, the man named Diego Armando, who he still doesn't feel like some mornings.

He leans up into the kiss once he feels it, laying in her arms fully now.]

Will you lay with me a while?

Try stopping me.

[She reaches up to comb her fingers through his hair before pressing her forehead against his.]

I missed this, I missed knowing what's going on in that head of yours, or at least having some sort of an idea.

[She traces the shell of his ear before her fingers return to his hair.]

God, you have no idea how much I missed you.

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beenwaitinglong - 2012-09-18 06:15 (UTC) - Expand

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chiefdefense - 2012-09-18 06:31 (UTC) - Expand

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