sirenspull_logs | Doctor, doctor, gimme the news

Y-you can, you know. I don't think anyone would mind.

[Closes his eyes, shakes his head.] No. Can't. Makes her sick.

[He doesn't sound like he's quite as with it as he should be.]

[Worry in her eyes again. She's seen this already, this fading in and out.]

[Makes who sick? Makes me sick? Oh. He's probably right, though. But I told him not to worry about me. I can always get a coat, or a blanket.]

Your comfort's more important.

[No, no, no. Doesn't she get it? Stupid girl. Does he have to spell it out for her?] Makes her sick. Made her sick for years, could have killed her. Can't keep doing that to Granny.

[He has little concept of what he's saying. Except that it's maybe something he shouldn't. But he's too weary to care.]

Gran...ny? [Hinamori brow wrinkles in confusion. What... is he saying? He made her sick? Could have ki... Why is he saying these things? Even in confusion, even in fear and delusion, to imagine something like that... Her eyes stare in disbelief at his lips.]

[It couldn't be true... could it?]

[She steps back in fear, instinctively, pulling her hands up to her chest. Was it true? Had he been responsible for Granny's sickness? Was that what had happened while she was away? Had she really missed so much?]

[She can't blame him; he was just a child, and more powerful than almost anyone she knew. He couldn't have known; maybe wouldn't have even known how to stop it if he tried. No, there was no blame. Only guilt on her part, for she was the one who had left him alone. It was her fault—she had left both of them alone, to go to the Academy, to pursue... Captain Aizen... (oh if only he were here right now, he would know just what to say, he would calm me and comfort my beating heart)]

I'm so sorry, Shirou-chan; I—I wanted to learn to protect you, but to do that I had to leave, and... I never meant to leave you with the burden of caring for her all alone. I wish I had been there. I could have helped. I would have done... something. I didn't know. I... I never knew.

[And it only makes her guilt worse, to know that she never knew. She should have known. Should have asked. She had optimistically assumed that everything was alright, would be alright, if she just kept on her way; that things would work out for the best, as they always had. She steps back towards his bed, even though her whole body aches. She refuses to run away this time.]

[He can hear her stepping away. It hurts, but he doesn't blame her. Though what's all this babbling about. She's being an idiot again.]

... Not your fault, stupid. It's mine. [It would have happened even had she stayed. Her going away to the Academy had nothing to do with it.

[His face softens into something like relief when she approaches him again. She's staying? All this time, he's kept that from her, subconsciously fearing she'd run away like everyone else if she'd known. And now she knows. And she's staying.]

[And that clinches it. That he's cognizant enough to say that, to reassure her, means it's really true. Her stomach sinks sickeningly. But she still doesn't agree with him.] It isn't! You didn't do it on purpose. You can't take responsibility for something you didn't mean to do.

[The hell he can't. He takes responsibility for everything. It's what he does. It had been his power, and he hadn't controlled it.]

Can take responsibility for whatever I want. [Even when he's only half lucid, he manages to be stubborn.]

[She moves her hand to take hold of his. Hot. He's still too hot. Stupid fever, go away.] But you shouldn't.

[His sentiments exactly. Go away fever, you're making his life hell.

[He's normally one to jerk away from displays of affection, but he just doesn't have the energy for that right now. Besides, it's reassuring to know she's still here, after knowing what he's done to Granny.

[Even though there's even more he's done -- and not done -- to her. And all he can bring himself to say about it is:] I'm sorry.

[Which may be a bit alarming in and of itself; he doesn't apologize for much.]

[Her first thought is that he's still talking about what he'd done to Granny, even though she'd told him he doesn't have to be sorry. And it is weird that he's apologizing. If she wasn't so worried about him, she might even find a way to tease him about it. As it is, it only makes her anxious that his mind isn't where it ought to be.]

[But it seems like he's apologizing to her, and that doesn't make any sense. She's not the one he'd have to be sorry to.] Sorry for what?

[He's made his apologies to Granny already; he'd had her forgiveness long ago. It had just been the worry that his only real friend would fear him like everyone else if she'd known . . . It had been rather a big secret to keep from her.]

[That question . . . Oh. Right. She doesn't know about all that, yet. If she did, she'd understand what he means. He has to spell everything out, doesn't he? It's always like that.] Didn't protect you from him.

[It's not your job to protect me, is what she wants to say. That's her job. She's the older one.]

[But who is he talking about? There's no 'him' that she knows of in her life that she needs to be protected from. It's been ages since she was bullied; she's a lieutenant now.]

[For some reason, Ichigo's face flashes into her mind. He's the missing piece, here. The one who knows her but she doesn't know him. The human who is also a shinigami. But she doesn't think she needs to be protected from him. He's been nothing but kind to her. No, he said he was a friend of Hitsugaya's (Toushirou, she remembers). So who...?]

H-him?

[She doesn't mean for her voice to come out as squeakily as it does. But even as the word passes through her lips, she gets a chill of fear. He's been avoiding this. She knows it. She's not always as oblivious as she seems. And she's not sure what he's going to tell her. Isn't sure if it's something she wants to know. She's of the opinion that sometimes it's better not to know, better to go into things with an open mind and a clean slate, and take the consequences as they come.]

[When he's more in his right mind, he might start thinking that it's not the vomiting, the fever, or even the patronizing nurses that are worst part of being sick.

[It's the delerium. The delerium that lets this answer so easily and quietly fall from his lips.] Aizen.

[Still not someone she'd have thought she'd need protection from. Even he hadn't, for the longest time. He's not one that easily trusts most people, and Aizen got under his radar somehow. How could he have missed it all that time? How could he have missed it at all when Hinamori's well-being had been at stake?]

[She just blinks. And blinks. Aizen. Captain Aizen, she corrects automatically. With Captain Kuchiki dead and Hitsugaya-kun ill, she honestly hadn't wanted to think about him. Too much loss. Too much pain. But when he says that name, it's like... an echo, reverberating in a canyon until it's just a sound. She can't register that. Can't comprehend what he's saying.]

[He's confused, she thinks. More confused than she'd realized. Or he's trying to communicate something else, changing topics, something about her captain—her noble, good, kind captain. Her—it almost breaks her to remember it—dead captain. He'd been slain by that treacherous, sinister Captain Ichimaru and... She has to stop herself from remembering. Forces herself out of her reverie. You're here now. Here. By Hitsugaya-kun's side. Let it—let it go.]

[What had he been saying? Something about protecting her. But he wasn't making any sense.] What—what about Captain Aizen, Hitsugaya-kun?

[It's easy to believe it's just the fever talking. In a way, that's even true, as he wouldn't so casually mention this otherwise.

[The only thing that's getting through to him is that she's confused.] Stupid. I told you. Should have -- [He has to stop for a coughing fit here.] -- protected you from him.

Don't. Don't. [What is she saying 'don't' to? His coughing fit, of course—don't push yourself; don't try to talk if it's too much. But from somewhere else, deeper than conscious thought, it has a second meaning. Don't. Don't say those things about my captain. I don't care how delirious you are, how confused. Don't.]

[She looks around worriedly.] I'll get you a glass of water. Stay there.

[He's barely able to hear that, over the coughing. But when she gets up to find him a glass of water, the fit subsides.

[For a few seconds, before a gut-wrenching nausea sweeps through him, and he has to lean over the basin next to the bed before he gets vomit all over the sheets and floor.

[Ugh. This damn sickness. He flops back onto the bed, taking measured breaths. No more vomiting. Vomiting is hell. Fresh air is much better.]

[Hinamori returns to the stench of vomit and has to cover her nose. She can only think that it's worse for him, though. Sliding closer to the bed, she holds a plastic cup of ice water in one hand.] Do you want me to help you sit up?

[Yeah, having your throat burning and the taste of the stuff still in your mouth to go along with the smell is a hell of a lot less pleasant than the smell alone.

[A few more breaths, a moment for his head to stop spinning.] Don't need you to do everything for me.

[He's sick, not paralyzed. He can absolutely do this. With a little effort, he manages to push himself up into a sitting position. See? He's handling it.

[... Though she's probably going to have to keep holding the cup for him, because he gets the impression that if he doesn't keep using both arms to brace himself, he's going to fall back down.]

[She sees him struggling and frowns. You don't always need to do everything on your own. That's why I'm here, Hitsugaya-kun.]

[But she holds the cup of cold water up for him to drink anyway.]

When you're sick, you really should let people baby you more. [Emphasis on the word 'baby'? Maybe.]

[And he'll frown at her frown. It's what he does.] I'm not a baby.

[Nevertheless, he drinks as much as he can from the cup while she's holding it there for him. The chill of it instantly makes him feel so much better, and washes some of the taste of bile out of his mouth.]

[She smiles, amusement in her eyes.] Of course you're not. [Her best bet to win the teasing game is not to argue; words are her weakness and his strength.]

[Still all frowns here.] Quit that. You're starting to sound like these stupid nurses who pat me on the head and try to give me stuffed animals.

[Has he mentioned yet how much he hates being in the pediatric ward? Has he?]

[Her smile softens at that and her eyes go back to normal.] Sorry, Hitsugaya-kun. I shouldn't tease you when you're not feeling well.

Doctor, doctor, gimme the news

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