This is how it feels When the trust you had is broken

[chiefdefense]

Who: Diego Armando (beenwaitinglong) and Mia Fey (chiefdefense).
When: Evening on the 22nd, after this.
Where: Diego's apartment.
Summary: After Diego is taken ill, Mia learns exactly how much has been kept from her and she is not. Happy.
Warnings: Angst and heated words

[By the time Mia gets off the NV from Dr. Banner, she feels completely sick to her stomach and that same, dread sense of unease that she had hoped never to have to feel again in association with Diego. The news that he had had some sort of seizure on the train on his way home is so shockingly unexpected that it makes her head spin and suddenly she's 23 again, getting bad news from a stranger, but this time she has no explanation for it and she's not about to wait for one.

As soon as he gets home they're going to the emergency room, because healthy men do not suddenly collapse on trains and start fitting and she knows that with Maya and Phoenix gone, she absolutely cannot afford to lose Diego.

Not again.

To distract herself, she sets about petting Mir and listens out for the sound of Diego's key in the door.]

Comments

[beenwaitinglong]

[Ouch. He tries as hard as he can not to react to that, and doesn't quite make it, frowning sharply. Before he can give himself away further, he pulls away from her to head further into the apartment, hanging up his briefcase behind the door.]

It's over now. Just let it be. I feel fine now.

[chiefdefense]

No I will not just let it be, do you realise how worried I've been? Some doctor I don't know calls me and tells me not to worry because you've collapsed on a train, what the hell do you expect me to do?

[She isn't willing to let him walk away from this and she is hot on his heels as he tries to leave the doorway.]

If you have another attack I have no idea what I'm supposed to do and-

[He needs to stop walking away from her so she grabs his wrist.]

Diego either you come with me of your own accord or I am calling an ambulance, this is serious!

[beenwaitinglong]

[The last thing he's ever wanted to do was worry her, and yet it seems like that's all he ever does. Back then... and now, even still. Her tone hits him hard, makes him ache deep in his chest and he's nearly overwhelmed with regret.

Even despite trying so hard, he's upset her now.

Abruptly, he turns around towards her, and the control is almost gone from his voice now.]

I'm not going to the hospital, Mia! They can't do anything.

[... Well. He didn't mean to say that last part.]

[chiefdefense]

[Mia doesn't expect his feathers to be ruffled that much, so the ferocity of his response is startling when he rounds on her and tells her-

Tells her what?

She reacts as though she's been struck, flinching at his words. "They can't do anything?" What is that supposed to mean? They can do CT scans, MRIs, run blood tests if they have to-

Unless they already have.]

What do you mean?

[beenwaitinglong]

[He pulls his wrist away from her, turning around again with a huffy sigh.]

Don't worry about it. It's fine.

[He already knows that isn't going to work.]

[chiefdefense]

Diego it's not fine!

[She can't help shouting and his continued avoidance of the subject is like a smack in the face of all her concerns.]

You know what this is don't you?

[beenwaitinglong]

[He grits his teeth briefly, trying desperately to keep his voice calm. It's apparent that he's not going to be able to much longer.

There's no point in lying this time.]

Yes.

[chiefdefense]

[Mia doesn't know which is the stronger emotion playing havoc with her right now; shock that apparently her boyfriend's got a history of seizures he which he completely neglected to mention to her before now, relief that he knows what it is and there's not something like a brain tumor sitting in his head like a time bomb, or anger that he's been keeping something like this from her.

She goes with worry, because if she gets angry at him she'll never get her answers.]

What is it? What's wrong with you?

[beenwaitinglong]

[Part of him wants to say it again-- nothing. I'm fine. But now it's a lie, not just withholding. An inner voice mocks him, telling him it's all falling apart anyway and he might as well just be out with it.

He starts walking towards the bedroom, lowering his head with a sigh.]

What isn't?

[chiefdefense]

That isn't an answer.

[She doesn't understand any of this, she can't work out why he won't even give her a straight answer when she's asking him outright and it's slowly trying her patience.

Slowly though, Mia feels like she's getting through a smoke screen, because for the last month she feels like something's been off about him and maybe it was just her relief that she had him back in her life, and then suddenly needing him desperately after losing Maya... she couldn't bring herself to rock the boat and address that, and now she's tired of walking on eggshells.]

Look I'm going to find out one way or the other and I would really rather cut the crap and just have you tell me now, when I am asking you to stop scaring me and tell me why you'd collapse like that.

[beenwaitinglong]

Why?

[She's right. Of course she was going to find out one way or another... that's the way Mia is. Of course he couldn't keep it hidden forever.

That was his plan, wasn't it? It's as though he thought that the longer he hid the fact, the more of a chance there might be of... no. No, there's no way she'd never find out. Maybe he was hoping that it would go away.

How stupid. Stupid. He knows it will never go away. That there was really no way he'd ever be able to keep it from her, to keep her from worrying.

That makes him inexplicably furious. The anger is obvious in his voice now-- though it's not at Mia. He steps into the bedroom, pulls off his tie and throws it on the ground, hard.]

Because my body's a poisoned piece of junk. That's why.

[chiefdefense]

[Mia follows him into the bedroom and keeps her distance, stands by the door, and just stares at him.

He's angry, and she doesn't know why unless he's really that upset that she's called his bluff. It's not fair, he's not the one who should be angry here, by rights it should be her losing her temper because he's been keeping things from her.

Poisoned piece of junk, he says?

Of course it's not the same as it was before he fell into the coma, Mia sees proof of that every time she looks at him and sees that strange visor or that shock of thick white hair, she can feel it in the difference in his body when he holds her, he's thinner now, but junk?]

Don't say that.

[beenwaitinglong]

[She asked, and now she wants him to take it back? He lets out a dry scoffing noise, almost like a sob, and grits his teeth again. His voice is shaking and he can't bear to look at her.]

You wanted to know why. That's why.

I have seizures all the goddamn time.

[chiefdefense]

And you didn't think that was something that maybe I'd want to know about?

[She's starting to get annoyed now; if he has seizures then why doesn't he do anything about it? If it's a condition he's aware he has then surely there are ways of controlling it, it doesn't make sense that he'd be this reckless with his body, even if he does think it's junk.]

Why aren't you on medication? It might be able to help.

[beenwaitinglong]

Ha...! [It's a lifeless, pathetic fake laugh. Of course he did. But she shouldn't have needed to worry about it. Diego was the one who took care of her, not the other way around.

He still won't look at her, sinking down onto the bed and reaching up to grasp his forehead like he's getting a headache. Really, it's to make sure she can't see his face and how distraught he's starting to look.]

I am on medication. It's the only reason I'm still alive.

[chiefdefense]

[Mia hears that and then feels all the blood run from her face in shock. Her ears seem to be filled with static as she looks at the man she thought she knew everything about lying on their bed telling her that he's taking pills to keep him alive.

And she didn't know.

She sat there at her desk yesterday telling him that his body was amazing and he was strong and he just let her keep talking and making a fool out of herself.]

I don't believe you. How could you keep something like this from me Diego?

[beenwaitinglong]

[Now he's starting to sound defensive-- his face is burning with shame, because he knows she's right, but it's the same shame that he's walked with ever since he woke up in this lousy, broken body.

It's shame he's never been very good at coping with.]

Do you think I like acknowledging the fact I'm a walking corpse?

[chiefdefense]

Do you think I like having to hear that you're sick because a stranger wanted to let me know what was happening to you?

[Her voice is shaking a little because she can't quite believe what she's hearing.]

We're supposed to be honest with each other. Were you ever planning on letting me know?

[beenwaitinglong]

[That shaking in her voice only makes it worse. She has every right to be angry. He's a disgusting liar, and he's lied to the one person he never should have.

He makes another of those dry noises, lowering his face into his hand.]

I didn't want to worry you.

[chiefdefense]

Well congratulations Diego, you've failed spectacularly.

[She's just incredulous right now, she can't quite believe it.

He wouldn't have.

What the hell happened to him that he'd keep this sort of thing from her?

No. No he's always been like this, always been trying not to worry her and leaving her out of the loop and look what happens when he does; the last time it happened he ended up in a coma and this time he had a seizure on a train.]

You've got to stop keeping things from me, I'm sick of you deciding what I can and cannot deal with because I'm always the one who's left dealing with the fallout.

[beenwaitinglong]

[That stings. It stings a lot, and he feels the anger rising inside of him. He can't keep a lid on it, standing up and turning around to face her at last, now that his embarrassment has been swallowed up by anger.]

Well. Sorry I inconvenienced you by getting poisoned. I'll be sure to tell you next time I decide to wreck my body on a whim, all right?

[chiefdefense]

[Mia's mouth falls open in utter shock at the acidity in his words, and it takes her a second before she wheels on him.

How dare he?]

You left me waiting in your bed without a word about where you were going or who you were meeting with because you damn well knew I would never have let you go to meet her alone, so don't you dare turn me into the villain here!

[beenwaitinglong]

[Diego is a man who keeps his anger, all of his emotions carefully in check. But once they go off, they're gone. He can't control them once the dam bursts.

This doesn't even have anything to do with the conversation, but that's the point they're at.]

I was trying to protect you! It would have been you, you know damn well it would have!

[chiefdefense]

So why is it better that it was you instead? You'd never have let me go alone, why was it okay for you? I didn't need protection, I needed you and she took you from me because you didn't even let me know what you were planning. How is that okay?

[It's not okay, it hasn't been for all the years she's been without him and hating him for trying to be such a damn hero that he didn't even give her the option.]

This is the exact same thing Diego, you can't keep things from me because you don't want me to get hurt, it hurts worse when I get to find out like this.

[beenwaitinglong]

Because I was arrogant, all right? Because I thought I was invincible and I thought I had everything under control. And I didn't. And now I get reminded of it every damn day.

[He stomps over to his armoire, gripping onto the edge of the wood and trying to rein in his emotions again.]

Do you think it's easy for me to look in the mirror and see this thing on my face? Do you think I don't want to throw up every time I think too hard about it?